Z SoccerChic9: June 2004
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Well, I acomplished great things today. More like, spent way more time then I wanted to at the mall looking for things I needed. I hate that. You know in Limeridge, a decent size mall, pretty much every store has the same junk as the last one. It's amazing we all don't look the same because the clothing is all the same. Not much room for individualism now adays. Scary really, unless of course you like being like everyone else of course.

After the mall I went home, fed the animals did some straightening up, and cut the grass. Now I am at my parents house. Nick stoped by and told me that I should of been at soccer - I wish I was. Hopefully next time. I recieved my bill for tuition for next year's schooling. That should be reason enough to keep me from the mall but it wasn't. Girls:)
I am done, free like a bird - for four days! I have decided to spend most of my afternoon shopping, I need clothes, no, more like I want clothes - being the self-centered person that I am:) Then I think I will clean my house, perhaps play soccer with friends tonight and maybe cut the grass. How exciting of a Wednesday night. Well the exciting part is I can stay up late and do whatever I want and not think of homework, that is exciting. So tonight, well normal people are toiling away behind machines, they will be wishing they were me (instead of vice versa). This is a great feeling - sorry to rub it in:)
Against our brainwashed society. Dedicated to our country right now and their voting habits:)


Finger to trigger -
gun ot the head;
bout to shoot myself
yet again.

I've lost my brain
to this media crazed planet.
Controlled by a
power, hungry world.

Turn in your brain -
at the front door.
And live by
their rules;
thinking no more.

Join the world.
Become a robot.
I am at school, my last day for the week and this of course makes my day good:) I am almost done my homework which is a good thing cause then I won't have to do it this weekend! This afternoon after class (which ends at 3:00) I am going shopping with my mother. Should be fun times.

Last night my soccer team did well. Played with heart and beat back the bad guys. Well we tied both games, though we only had one sub so I was impressed!


Days were long,
running together
as telephone poles
out a train window.

She died a
thousand deaths
during that
desert journey.

Thirsty for a
drink she could
not have. It was
dry, so very dry.

But, she pressed on.
Anticipating an oasis
buried between
desert sands.

And when it
seemed hopeless.
That all was lost.

It came.
Paradise just
beyond the
mountain range.
To all people who have loved and lost and changed your future because of it:


I shall stand alone and be strong --
I have leaned too long.
Love was sweet and good for my heart
(How the teardrops start)
But the hour may come when it will not be there
To strengthen -- to share --
So I shall be strong and stand alone;
I shall be a stone --
Rugged and firm on the storm-struck shore;
Let the waves dash
Let them seethe and roar!
I am flesh, I am blood and bone no more!

Why did I dream you would not go?
The pain that pierced might never have been
Had I been prepared for the blow --
But I judged your love like a blulwark strong
To protect me from wrong
How could I know the thruswt would fall
Closing the heavens and dipped in gall
From the hand I trusted, most of all?
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
I was bored in class today so I wrote:


Some days
the cobwebs
clutter my

and winding,
between strands
of reason.

You've told me -
never doubt.

But when
the sky
turns grey,
and raindrops
fill your eyes -
I wonder.

What if,
you've changed
your mind.

And the
are here
to stay.

Ladden with
dew, and
to my mind.
You know what is cool. We now have a program on the college computers that we can go to get all our class notes, anything the teacher said during class, all assignments and anything needed for the assignments on the web.

So, if I miss a class (because I am sick of course:) then I can go on the web and get all the notes for the day and any assignments that I need to do. I can also upload my assignments when I am done, which saves me printing cost and also is quick and painless. So, if I can't make a class I can still hang in my homework ahead of time so that I will get my class participation mark despite not being there.

This program also offers e-mail accounts to each student so we can e-mail anyone in our class or the instructor at any time. The program is great although it has some draw backs. It doesn't exactly encourage students to show up at class, why should you sit through class if you can get the notes and over heads the teacher used? And not all the programs in the college are on this web site yet.
I have many things to do today, but how is that different from any other day? We humans are very efficient at making our lives busy.

I have soccer practice tonight. So far we haven't lost a game. I think we play two games, so it should be good. The children are improving though I am not sure if we will take the tournament title this year. Time will tell I guess.

My house is a mess, tonight I think I will clean the kitchen. Oh the dreaded kitchen, I do not enjoy cleaning the oven, or trying to get the remains of my pizza pocket out of the microwave:) But is it something that has to be done and who am I to shirk from the task.

I watched a movie last night in which the main character was told that she had a week to live. So, she set out to make sure she lived it in a way that would make her proud. I wondered then. How would I change my life if I were told I was going to die in a week. Of course the real point is you could die tomorrow. Would you do what you are doing now? One never knows if today will be there last day, so live each day like it is your last (I wouldn't be cleaning the kitchen - okay so I am trying to think of a good reason not to:)

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the week. This is exciting because it is only a three day week! Though the teachers are already starting to pile on the homework. I think somehow they get secret delight out of torturing their students:) I just felt that the teacher this morning wasn't exactly serious when she apolagized for the the homework she was giving us.


For the first time
in weeks.
I saw doubt
flickering in
your eyes.

Flames of hope
had died.
And only blacken
joy remained.
Standing as reminders,
in pools of wax -
reminders, of
days gone by.
Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised but yes, the Liberals dominated the elections. Sad really after all they've done. What has our world come to that we don't even know how to vote anymore. Interesting that in Paul Martin's home province the Liberals were a minority. They don't like him, funny how the people you would expect to be the most loyal aren't and the others who should know better have fallen into the trap he created. I am kinda wondering how much the Liberals have to do before people start to realize that they are pulling our country down. Alberta was outraged with Ontario's loyalty, why is it that others see the light and we are still in the dark? Well Paul has work to do because Quebec is hoping to seperate and him being in office is not making them want to change this course of action. I almost feel sorry for the man....almost.


Late night roads
all look the same.
I know.
For I have traveled.

When the moon
glimmers through
tree branches,
and owl hoots;
I climb through
my window,
and become
an explorer

Tracing the pattern
of teh stars
with my hands.
Walking among
each planet.

And when the sun begins
it's morning journey,
I ride atop its rays
to my window.
And back to a
normal existance.
Monday, June 28, 2004
I am reading old poetry - and I like this one for it was once upon a time, just one last request before you go.


Let me slip back into those days remembered
when all your love was mine,
caught in the web of dreams, and I shall sip
the elixir of wine.

Forests have grown about hte quiet waters
of many a mountain lake,
hedging it closely in, but from above
bird shadows flit and break.

There is no quiver on the water's surface
to tell where wings have thrown
their fluttering shadow to the depths in giving
to life its undertone.

So while my days are spent in still surrender
to what time brings or takes,
I hide within my heart the trembling darkness
Your hopeless coming makes.

Oh do not hover long and mark forever
the shaping of your wings,
go quickly that life may erase the shadow
your hopeless coming brings!
I walked the hallways in school today, on my way out after finally giving into the desire escape from the library. I was alone, not a soul existed. It was like everyone had died and I was the sole survior on the planet. Class room doors watched me, but that was all. It was empty. A wierd feeling I must say. When I walked out the door, the dying rays of sun were hitting the pavement and I thought to myself, what a beautiful evening.

I voted tonight. Cast my lot with the other countless faces. My predictions is that the Liberals will still do well, perhaps not sweep the polls but most likely dominate them. Sad really, after all the scandels and troubles we've had with them, we can't seem to get rid of them. It's like they planted a chip in our brain that somehow just makes the vast humanity want to vote red. Like we've been programmed by some evil power and we cannot control our minds or dictate change to them. It's been red, it will always be red. Though of course, like always, my predictions could be wrong and we will see a new colour. Time will tell.


We live, how do we live?
Like fools who will not borrow
knoowing full well but never ourselve telling
there may be no to-morrow.
As grains of gold that hide in seaside sand
So lost are precious moments the heart does not command
Yes, another one. I want to be able to paint/draw really well. I would love to take a photography course (I hope to do this) and be able to take excellent photos. This weekend at our family reunion I got some good pictures. In fact some that I would say are decent (though that is by my standards:). I don't know if I will ever be a good artist. My dad's artistic talent did not transfer to me somehow. Though I suppose with a lot of lessons and being very diciplined I may be able to at least draw a reconizable camel:) If not, then if I forsake the nun dream my children will have an art room. My sister claims that my house is going to have to be a mansion to fit all the different rooms I want, perhaps she is right. But an art room with tile floor (easier clean-up:) easels, paints, charcol, and all the other art supplies their hearts may desire. Of course they would get art lessons and so forth along with all the other stuff I will have them enrolled in. I guess it's living out my dreams through them.
It is getting later into the evening. Normal people have stopped work now and are on their way home. Dodging traffic like a machine gun's bullets. Children are home from school, and mothers are starting dinner. In a few moments now the table will be set and dinner on it's way. There are moments when I wish to be like these normal people. One of these moments is now. I am at school, in the library, my second home, doing homework. I wish I was home right now with this moment behind me, but I am not. I must press on. I hope to accomplish great things here tonight, beneath the floresent lights and with the hum of keyboards in the back ground. The moniter screen will be my friend and the keyboard where I rest my weary head. A piece of machine has become the person I tell my deepest thoughts to. That my friends, is when you know you need to get out more:)
I recieved my marks for the first semester back today. I did okay, decent I am told. Though, of course, I would of liked to do better. I guess I really can't complain, just sometimes I have a perfectionist side, and these are the moments it appears. Always strive to push higher. Why would you settle for okay, when, you can have something that is great? Good question. I settle to often, should be striving to be better.

So, in my goal to push myself higher and further, I am going to start reading books that will stimulate my mind and make me grow in intelligence (hopefully:).

I have a bookcase, it is getting really full. I think I need a new one, but I just bought one a little while ago. When/if I have my own house some day, I am having a library. It will be a cozy room, dark cherry wood bookcases lining the wall. Pot lights and small lamps, leather chairs that you can sit in on a rainy day and expand your knowledge. It is a dream, one of the many, though perhaps a more attainable one than most of mine (traveling to the moon:). Don't ever stop dreaming, it's what changes the mundane into a world of possibilities!
I hate saying good bye. I always wonder, what if this is the last time I will see these people. Sometimes this makes me happy:) Other times (most of the time) it makes me sad. We don't appreciate people enough in our lives, at least, I don't. Must work on that!

The hardest words to hear or say
in night, at noon or day.
The ones that cut the heart
and tear two people apart.
Are those I dread to hear
and often bring a tear.
It's when ou look and say,
goodbye in that tender way.
Friday, June 25, 2004
I am having a good day today. Despite mountains of homework and a busy weekend I am not stressing. I hung with my friends last night - good times. It rained. Everytime it rains on a Thursday night - good things happen.

I need to do the dishes, it is one of those things that I consider useless to do all the time. Like I wash and dry the plates put them in the cupboard, then turn around and use them all over again. Something is wrong with this picture. Same thing with making your bed, you make it, you turn around and sleep in it. What is the point? Though maybe people do it cause they are neat freaks. My kitchen does look messy right now.

Don't buy cat food in the tins, it is disgusting. Every time I have to feed the cat (twice a day) I think I may puke. Not that you wanted to know that but I just wanted to warn you of the negitivity of buying canned cat food, just incase you were thinking of it.

I am excited cause next week I get Thursday and Friday off of school! I think we as modern humans have missed the point of this life. We work 7 days a week, one day of rest and right back to it. You would almost think that our jobs were our lives. Scary thought.

Well, homework is calling so I am off. Have a most delightful weekend!
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
It is Wednesday, somehow that is not comforting this week:) I started a new semester, the teachers are not as good as the last ones, and our class is twice the size. The lessons are boring. Any day now I figure I might drop off into a sea of faces. People who are merely programmed, robots in a modern world. So, today in class I decided I want to go to the moon. There is no air movement up there - this means no sound. The moon is one place you can go and have perfect silence, negitive side of this, you can't hear any object falling or crashing down upon you. I guess you would die silent, a death without warning. Problem is, Canada does not have a space program, what are the chances of the States letting me in theirs - very slim. Maybe one day, my dream will come true, and if it does, I will send you a postcard from the moon:)
Friday, June 18, 2004
Which I am not part of right now:) Sorry to rub that in! Here is a poem, just for you:

Happier Days

When clouds
flood these skies -
dark and looming.
Remember the
sunny days,
where worries
littered the ditches,
far from flower marked

Remember how
we used to dance
on beaches;
illuminated by moonlight,
without a care
in the world.
Remember the
happy days,
for it won't
always be,
this way.
I am done. First semester of my school year and exams. It is amazing how much stress one can lose in the matter of a few minutes:) Well, my stress may not be gone for long, considering I start my second semester on Monday. Two days off and back to the grind. It feels good though, like a mile stone was reached - kinda refreshing.

"Looking for a Parking Spot"

I see you searching,
for a light,
admidst this
dreary place.
Searching for a reason,
to call this haunt
a home.

And when the rains
come falling down,
and lightning
strikes the sky,
I see the worry,
it lines your face;
and doubt,
it flutters by.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Yes, that is me, a procrastinating human. I have two huge exams tomorrow, by huge I mean that, and I feel like my brain is full, yet there is much more information to cram. So, I thought a good excuse not to study at the moment is to write something inspiring on my blog, which of course most likely won't happen but I will blog anyways:)

3 things I saw within the last 24 hours:

1. A lady that had her ear pierced at the top (like me) and it was entirely overgrown with flesh, so totally disgusting in my opinion.
2. As I drove to school today I passed a sports bike, the driver was wearing very big rubber boots due to the rain. It was slightly funny in my humble opinion.
3. Very upset people in my communications class this morning cause they got their career project back and almost all of them lost 5 points for grammer mistakes that did not exist. I was glad I didn't have their teacher.


You opened your eyes,
broke down barriers.
And I saw;
saw what was
buried beneath
your mask.

It startled me,
foir there was
a reflection,
shimmering in
a moon lit glow.

And as, the
water stilled,
it became clear;

I was staring
at my reflection -
bright and true.
You know what's sad - the fact that we have so much, yet we are unhappy. There are people across the world, I've met some, who live in poverty, yet they are terribly happy. According to our standards they have nothing. Yet, they are happy to be alive and thankful for every thing they have. We could learn something from them. Here is a poem written in Ecuador when I visted there in January:

I see garbage, cracked walls
card board dwellings, poor begars,
and a hard life full of sacrifices;
but you see home.

I see lack of things considered
necescity; broken homes, poverty,
and doing without so much;
yet, you see a beautiful life.

Always smiling, content with so
little, but at the end of the day,
you are the winners; happy
with the life you have,
greatful for each moment.

I see your joy - it radiates;
you see me, being inspired, by you.
Today is Wednesday. Wednesday is a beautiful day, for many reasons, one of which being, it is kinda the middle of the week. Wednesday signifies a happy day because it leads to Thursday. Great things happen on Thursday!

I was thinking (always a scary thing:) , they should make e-mail accounts with the ability to send your e-mails out at any time. So, say for instance, you know Bob is having a test at 12:30, but you are at working during that time, you write him an e-mail the night before, and program your account to send it out at 12:00. Bob gets it right before his test. Or, if you are going on Vacation, you won't have computer access for two days, so you program your account to send out the needed information at the right times. Hmm, I think it's a good idea!

Also, why is it that soccer cleats have so little ankle protection, considering ankle injuries are the most common in the sport? Or why is it that baseball has one of the highest injury rates, when all you do is stand out field holding a glove, looking pretty?

Well on this happy note, a happy poem -

Drops of Dew

Angel tear drops
sprinkle ground,
tiny droplets,
spread around;
sparkling, glistening,
in morning sun;
soon to disapate
one by one
Okay, this is written a little better than the poem posted earlier, and expresses my thoughts on our warped, media dictated society and despite what Nick says, it is not sappy.

I saw you this morning.
You were moving so fast.
Can't seem to loosen my grip
On the past.
And I miss you so much.
There'e no one in sight.
And we're still together
in My Secret Life.

I smile when I'm angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do waht I have to do
To get by.
But I know what is wrong,
And I know what is right.
And I'd die for the truth
in My Secret Life.

Hold on, hold on, my brother.
My sister, hold on tight
I finally got my orders
I'll be marching through the morning,
Marching through the night,
Moving cross the borders
Of My Secret Life.

Looked through the paper.
Makes you want to cry.
Nobody cares if the people
Live or die.
And the dealer wants you thinking
That it's either black or white.
Thank - you it's not that simple
In My Secret Life.

I bite my lip.
I buy what I'm told:
From the latest hit,
To the wisdom of old.
But I'm always alone.
And my heart is like ice.
And it's crowded and cold
In My Secret Life.

Thank you Leonard Cohen.
I had an exam today, I think it went well, this is good. Now only two more to go. I sometimes get frusterated with our lack of listening to people, cause we think what we have to say is so much more important. Self-centeredness has killed so many good things in our world. The media tells us how we are to look, what to like, who's important, and what we should think. And the scary thing is we buy into this so easily. We've become a culture that is controled by the media. We look the same, dress the same, and try to achieve this "perfect person" image. Scary really. By George, we've been brainwashed.

A really old poetic, but it has a good theme, just not so polished, but hey, one day a masterpiece will come from these hands:)

The Mirror

I stand before you, I've done this before,
I don't like whatt i see so I shut the door;
but, the reflection staring right back at me
is sad, wanting to be something she cannot be;

I've been brainwashed into believing the lie,
making me think I have to look lke a model or die;
thinking I'll never measure up to the unseen,
the rules in my head are saying, I have to be leen;

The cruelty of it all makes me want to cry,
I strive to be perfect but I give up in a sigh.
everytime I stare, you reflect back;
the image fo someone who's treading the track.

Track of attempted perfection,
sweeping many into signing for the mission.
we want to be something that we are not
we've forgotten that who we are can't be bought.

Too shallow we seek, for something not there -
it's what's inside, that should make us care;
the thing that counts it not our looks;
not somethign that can be found in beauty books.

Into our souls we've got to dig deep,
to find the jewel buried away and reap;
the wonderful blessing and great reward
of living our lives and cutting the cord;

The cord of perfection that doesn't exist,
that's covered our eyes with a deep pending mist;
who we are, shouldn't be in our cover;
it's under our skin where wer should work and hover
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
We've missed the point yet again people. Drawn to a rut in the road, we've fallen in and become content with the box we have created. In trying to be different we have become the same, in trying to change we have become comfortable. We lack passion for life, a true appreciation of each moment that we live, and all the many things we experience. Drawn to our computers, trying to get ahead in the business world and suceed. Climbing the ladder of success has blinded us to what life is really about. We are scared to say what we think - because we might offend, we are scared to be passionate about something -because that might not be cool, and in the end we have lost. Don't be afraid to live.

It's not that good of a poetic but it kinda expresses what I am trying to say in very, very rough form:)

I lost who I was
you took it away,
stole my identity,
that very first day;

Made me a box -
that matched,
put me inside
so I'd be attatched;

Created this enviroment,
from sight to sound
didn't let me think,
or move around

You had a plan
to form who I was,
made me identical
to those of your cause

Now, I follow your lead,
watch the right show,
buy the correct CD;
You've programed me you know

You do the thinking
and run the game;
I simply follow
taking the blame
Monday, June 14, 2004
First exam done - I think I did well, considering it was a 50 question true or false exam - open book for part of it, yah I should have done well. I don't think any of my upcoming exams will be that easy, but hey for a Monday morning it's all good!I had a good weekend,fun hanging with friends Saturday, had some good talks Sunday with some friends, so it's good.
Friday, June 11, 2004
I spent a Friday night helping my mom at a book sale, during which I started a John Grisham novel which I am enjoying so far. I haven't read much of his work but this book is rating okay. I saw my sister tonight, she seems happy at camp, we had fun hanging. Well here is for depressing poetry:

I walk down
these halls -
tears, on
my face,
only those
doors, staring
my way,

memories lurk,
before, and
visions of you,
assail my mind,

I've been here
before, not
long ago,
walking these
hallways, now
covered in

Wishing - you
your mind,
or that I
so very blind
I am sitting at school, killing four hours between classes. Fun times! I should be studying for exams which are coming up but for some strange reason I don't feel like it:) Here is some depressing poetry I wrote, which mirrors how I am feeling right now:

Is It Over

Has it passed
like dew
in summer ray,
a breath that
seemed, to
last forever,
broke, at break
of day,
Is this the end
of what was true,
the seperation,
of me and you

Well, here is my first blog, how exciting!
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