Monday, October 08, 2007
I recently watched the movie "Facing the Giants," which happens to be a Christian movie made by a church in the States. The story line focuses around the football coach and his journey through part of his life. There was one line of the movie that really struck me. It was at a point where him and his wife had been trying to have children for quite some time, and just could not get pregnant. After another visit to the doctor, in which it was determined that they were not pregnant yet again, the husband turns to his wife and says:
"If God never gives you children, will you still love him?"
I asked myself that very question, though I filled in the children part with something I really want in life right now, and I realized how often I don't trust God with the things I want the most. I also realized it was a lot harder then a quick yes to answer that question.
So, what about you...if God didn't give you what you want the most right now...would you still love him?
"If God never gives you children, will you still love him?"
I asked myself that very question, though I filled in the children part with something I really want in life right now, and I realized how often I don't trust God with the things I want the most. I also realized it was a lot harder then a quick yes to answer that question.
So, what about you...if God didn't give you what you want the most right now...would you still love him?
Labels: Spiritual
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I grew up seeing God as a perfectionist. A rather distant person, who loved me in theory, but was more of a harsh dictator, then a loving father. I believed that I had to earn His love, and if I didn't follow His commandments or do what He wanted, then I wouldn't get what I wanted. I often spent my life trying to keep certain things in my hands, and not give them up to God, cause I felt like the moment I was happy, or really wanted something, I either would lose it, or would never get it in the first place.
I guess it was like the show Lost to me. The moment someone is in love, or happy on that show, it seems like something drastic happens. Either they lose the person they love, a polar bear attacks someone on an island (no idea how polar bears got there), the Canadian guy goes crazy and attacks people (must be an American show), or someone decides to find a guy and ends up accidently shooting the girl who the guy loves.
To me, that was life. If you wanted something, or loved something, then you were going to lose it. I've realized in the past few years, that my view of God is warped; however, I didn't seem to be able to change it. I'm actually not even really sure why I started thinking of God in that way.
God has started to show me, that I can never earn His love. That He loves me unconditionally, not based on what I do, or how I "earn" His love, but because I am His child. I am starting to learn what unconditional love truly is. I have done some crazy things in the past, things that I know would not please God or make Him happy, yet despite that He has blessed me. He has opened doors, gave me opportunities I did not deserve, and show me love despite the fact that over and over again, I mess up.
What is your view of God? Is it a harsh dictator who has turned His back on the world, and watches it fall apart and doesn't care? Or is He a loving father to you, who you can do nothing to earn more of His love, or make Him love you less?
I think when we start believing that the amount of God's love and blessing is determined on what we do, we have taken things into our own hands, and have started believing and following a works religion. I think that is the utmost of pride - thinking we can earn God's love. I'm not saying that our lives should not be changed, and the fruit be God honouring, but I really wondering how many people's view of God is extremely warped.
What is God to you?
I guess it was like the show Lost to me. The moment someone is in love, or happy on that show, it seems like something drastic happens. Either they lose the person they love, a polar bear attacks someone on an island (no idea how polar bears got there), the Canadian guy goes crazy and attacks people (must be an American show), or someone decides to find a guy and ends up accidently shooting the girl who the guy loves.
To me, that was life. If you wanted something, or loved something, then you were going to lose it. I've realized in the past few years, that my view of God is warped; however, I didn't seem to be able to change it. I'm actually not even really sure why I started thinking of God in that way.
God has started to show me, that I can never earn His love. That He loves me unconditionally, not based on what I do, or how I "earn" His love, but because I am His child. I am starting to learn what unconditional love truly is. I have done some crazy things in the past, things that I know would not please God or make Him happy, yet despite that He has blessed me. He has opened doors, gave me opportunities I did not deserve, and show me love despite the fact that over and over again, I mess up.
What is your view of God? Is it a harsh dictator who has turned His back on the world, and watches it fall apart and doesn't care? Or is He a loving father to you, who you can do nothing to earn more of His love, or make Him love you less?
I think when we start believing that the amount of God's love and blessing is determined on what we do, we have taken things into our own hands, and have started believing and following a works religion. I think that is the utmost of pride - thinking we can earn God's love. I'm not saying that our lives should not be changed, and the fruit be God honouring, but I really wondering how many people's view of God is extremely warped.
What is God to you?
Labels: Spiritual
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Do we truly believe that nothing is impossible for God? We say that God is all powerful, that he knows all things, that he has a perfect plan and purpose in everything. Yet, do we truly believe that. When someone we love is dying, do we trust that God will do what's best, and that nothing is impossible for Him? When that person we love doesn't know the Lord, do we truly believe God is going to touch their life in a powerful and amazing way? When our job is tough, our children turn their back on us, after four years of trying we still don't have kids, a sickness touches the ones we love, or a disaster shakes our world. In those moments, of greatest pain and hardship, do we trust that God has a perfect plan, and with Him, nothing is impossible?
I know I don't. I like to control things...and those of you who know me can testify to that. I like to know where my life is going five years in advance. I'll tell you that I believe God has a perfect plan and purpose in all things, but often I try to control all things. It's like I'll give something to God, tell Him that I believe he'll do the right thing, and five minutes later I'm trying to wrestle it from his grasp and claim it.
So often we pray for rain, but leave our umbrella's at home. We ask God for things, fully expecting to never receive them. I wonder what would happen if we started to ask things of God, and expect great things to happen. What would happen if I truly believed that God has my best interest in mind, and so I trust Him with my life, and that He will open the doors and close them where He sees fit. What if instead of just saying that I believe God has a purpose in everything, I started backing it up with my actions?
Why is it so hard for me to let go and give God what is His in the first place? Because at the end of the day, this isn't my apartment, or my car, or my money. This isn't my job, or my health, my family, or the people I love. It's God's, and he's just blessed me with it.
If someone gives you a great gift, that you never deserved, never dreamed possible, and was far greater then anything you could imagine. If someone died for you, so that you could live...wouldn't you want to share that love with people around you?
I know I don't. I like to control things...and those of you who know me can testify to that. I like to know where my life is going five years in advance. I'll tell you that I believe God has a perfect plan and purpose in all things, but often I try to control all things. It's like I'll give something to God, tell Him that I believe he'll do the right thing, and five minutes later I'm trying to wrestle it from his grasp and claim it.
So often we pray for rain, but leave our umbrella's at home. We ask God for things, fully expecting to never receive them. I wonder what would happen if we started to ask things of God, and expect great things to happen. What would happen if I truly believed that God has my best interest in mind, and so I trust Him with my life, and that He will open the doors and close them where He sees fit. What if instead of just saying that I believe God has a purpose in everything, I started backing it up with my actions?
Why is it so hard for me to let go and give God what is His in the first place? Because at the end of the day, this isn't my apartment, or my car, or my money. This isn't my job, or my health, my family, or the people I love. It's God's, and he's just blessed me with it.
If someone gives you a great gift, that you never deserved, never dreamed possible, and was far greater then anything you could imagine. If someone died for you, so that you could live...wouldn't you want to share that love with people around you?
Labels: Spiritual
Monday, July 09, 2007
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. It was then that I realized it's been quite some time since that's happened. To be honest, I'm having a really good day so far (even if it is 7:30 in the morning), and a lot of it has to do with yesterday being an amazing day.
You see, I woke up yesterday not wanting to go to church. I just felt tierd, and not into it. I kind of showed up with a bad attitude, I'm not going to lie. It was one of those, "Okay God, I'm not going to get anything out of this, so show up and show off, cause I'm not putting any effort into it." That was when God showed up...and through different circumstances throughout the day, and a sermon about how our faith needs to be what gets us through the storms of life, He showed off.
It never ceases to amaze me, that God bothers with people like us. That He takes the time to show up and show off for someone with a bad attitude who doesn't deserve it. That He gives second chances to people, or opportunities for me to see how my thinking has been wrong. I mean, would it not have been easier to strike me with lightning, or let me sulk in my bad attitude yesterday morning. But, He took the time, because He's God, and as much as all the junk in the world around me makes it seem to people that God is not a God of love - yesterday was just another reason why, I believe He is.
And so, as I start this beautiful Tuesday morning (I'm still skipping Monday's out of my week) I've got a smile on my face, and hope in my heart again.
You see, I woke up yesterday not wanting to go to church. I just felt tierd, and not into it. I kind of showed up with a bad attitude, I'm not going to lie. It was one of those, "Okay God, I'm not going to get anything out of this, so show up and show off, cause I'm not putting any effort into it." That was when God showed up...and through different circumstances throughout the day, and a sermon about how our faith needs to be what gets us through the storms of life, He showed off.
It never ceases to amaze me, that God bothers with people like us. That He takes the time to show up and show off for someone with a bad attitude who doesn't deserve it. That He gives second chances to people, or opportunities for me to see how my thinking has been wrong. I mean, would it not have been easier to strike me with lightning, or let me sulk in my bad attitude yesterday morning. But, He took the time, because He's God, and as much as all the junk in the world around me makes it seem to people that God is not a God of love - yesterday was just another reason why, I believe He is.
And so, as I start this beautiful Tuesday morning (I'm still skipping Monday's out of my week) I've got a smile on my face, and hope in my heart again.
Labels: Spiritual
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I've posted the song below on my blog before. However, it brought tears to my eyes tonight, as I sat here thinking of how so much hurt is taking place in people's lives around me. There are times when I feel completely empty, like I have nothing left to give - and yet in those moments God sends someone along to encourage me, or help carry the load. I don't deserve it, and yet God is gracious. I don't always understand His plan, in fact - I rarely do. When I hear people's stories, when I watch the world around me, I don't understand what God's plan is, but I refuse to give up my trust that he has everything in control. And so, with those thoughts in mind:
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name
Labels: Spiritual
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The other day my pastor said in his sermon...if you had three wishes right now, what would you pick.
I used to have trouble answering that question - I mean, if I could have anything, what would it be, there are so many options, things I could pick. However, when I thought about that question this time, the answer came to me immediately. In my head, I picked three friends that I wanted to be Christian's.
That's all I want right now, just for God to get a hold of three lives and change them in a drastic and miraculous way.
I used to have trouble answering that question - I mean, if I could have anything, what would it be, there are so many options, things I could pick. However, when I thought about that question this time, the answer came to me immediately. In my head, I picked three friends that I wanted to be Christian's.
That's all I want right now, just for God to get a hold of three lives and change them in a drastic and miraculous way.
Labels: Spiritual
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Tomorrow...I will wake up in my comfortable bed, take a warm shower, spend 10 mins or so trying to decide what I should wear to work, because my closet is full...and I have way to many clothes. I'll get into my vehicle, stop by at Tim Hortons and grab myself some breakfast...get into my comfortable air conditioned office and work until lunch time. Then I'll go out for lunch with Andrea, cause that's what we do. I'll go back to work to finish off the day...then I'll get into my car, turn on the air condition...and drive up to the cottage for the weekend.
I'll most likely think about some of the tough stuff that I'm going through and how I really need a vacation, how I really should go clothes shopping and get some more stuff (like I don't have enough already), I'll think about what I should do for school in September, and if I should get a job at a big law firm and rake in the dough. I'll play some music, and think...wow, I really should get some newer speakers, and hook up a bigger sub.
I mean, the day may have some variations, but that's most likely what it will look like.
And then on a day like today, I'll stop and think about how much I really have, and how I take so much for granted. I'll think about how so many people go through way worse, have far less, hurt way deeper, and how most of those people never complain. I'll look at the things in my life that I consider to be tough, and I'll realize that they are just opportunities that God has presented to me, to challenge me, test me, and make me a better person...and really, they aren't that big of a deal.
I know for myself, I can get so caught up in the here and now - in the little things that seem so big in the moment. When really, when it put it all in perspective, when I see all the tough stuff that other people are dealing with, and when I realize how much I have been given...I am humbled and embaressed by the fact that I complain, and I take for granted, when I have every reason not to.
I'll most likely think about some of the tough stuff that I'm going through and how I really need a vacation, how I really should go clothes shopping and get some more stuff (like I don't have enough already), I'll think about what I should do for school in September, and if I should get a job at a big law firm and rake in the dough. I'll play some music, and think...wow, I really should get some newer speakers, and hook up a bigger sub.
I mean, the day may have some variations, but that's most likely what it will look like.
And then on a day like today, I'll stop and think about how much I really have, and how I take so much for granted. I'll think about how so many people go through way worse, have far less, hurt way deeper, and how most of those people never complain. I'll look at the things in my life that I consider to be tough, and I'll realize that they are just opportunities that God has presented to me, to challenge me, test me, and make me a better person...and really, they aren't that big of a deal.
I know for myself, I can get so caught up in the here and now - in the little things that seem so big in the moment. When really, when it put it all in perspective, when I see all the tough stuff that other people are dealing with, and when I realize how much I have been given...I am humbled and embaressed by the fact that I complain, and I take for granted, when I have every reason not to.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I read Job today; where after he loses absolutely everything he had, he says
"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
That verse makes me want to cry everytime I read it. So often I complain about traffic jams, long line-ups, stressful days at work, all these small insignificant things. Then there is Job, who loses his family, all that he owns, his crops, and servants and animals...all on one single day, and he praises God. Puts me to shame, that I can get so worked up over such small minor things in my life.
So, on that note, today I am thankful for:
1) Some of the most amazing friends that God has put in my life right now. I have been so blessed, with people who care about me, who will listen to me when I need to vent, who will put up with me. It just blows me away. I know that if I ever am in trouble, or I'm just having a rough day, those people will be there in five...no two minutes, to make sure I'm okay. To be honest, what more can a person ask for from friends...they are great.
2) Family nights. Cause hey...everyone needs a family, and do have occasional family nights, that involve steak and movies...and way too much food!
3) The amazing weather right now...it's 28 out, and I get to admire it from my office window...oh and of course the air conditioning in the office!
4) Friends who entertain me by falling off chairs....or filling their car tires wiht a bicicyle pump, or being able to sing every single song ever created.
5) The ability to laugh.
6) That today is Wednesday (shhhh, don't disturb my dellusional world)
What's making your day today?
"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
That verse makes me want to cry everytime I read it. So often I complain about traffic jams, long line-ups, stressful days at work, all these small insignificant things. Then there is Job, who loses his family, all that he owns, his crops, and servants and animals...all on one single day, and he praises God. Puts me to shame, that I can get so worked up over such small minor things in my life.
So, on that note, today I am thankful for:
1) Some of the most amazing friends that God has put in my life right now. I have been so blessed, with people who care about me, who will listen to me when I need to vent, who will put up with me. It just blows me away. I know that if I ever am in trouble, or I'm just having a rough day, those people will be there in five...no two minutes, to make sure I'm okay. To be honest, what more can a person ask for from friends...they are great.
2) Family nights. Cause hey...everyone needs a family, and do have occasional family nights, that involve steak and movies...and way too much food!
3) The amazing weather right now...it's 28 out, and I get to admire it from my office window...oh and of course the air conditioning in the office!
4) Friends who entertain me by falling off chairs....or filling their car tires wiht a bicicyle pump, or being able to sing every single song ever created.
5) The ability to laugh.
6) That today is Wednesday (shhhh, don't disturb my dellusional world)
What's making your day today?
Labels: Relationships, Spiritual
Sunday, June 10, 2007
it's God.
I get tierd sometimes, of hearing people tell me that I deserve better in my life. Like somehow I've done something to earn better treatment, or better things, or other various aspects. I haven't done anything to warrant better treatment, or more things, or a happier life. If you knew the real me, the person who is completely selfish and looks out for herself, the real Mary - I doubt you'd think I deserve more or better.
Anything good that you see in me, it's God. It's not me. The good in me, is God's grace, because I would never choose it on my own, I am not capable to showing true love, or grace, or any other good aspects.
So, before you think I deserve something better...just remember, it's God who deserves the praise.
I get tierd sometimes, of hearing people tell me that I deserve better in my life. Like somehow I've done something to earn better treatment, or better things, or other various aspects. I haven't done anything to warrant better treatment, or more things, or a happier life. If you knew the real me, the person who is completely selfish and looks out for herself, the real Mary - I doubt you'd think I deserve more or better.
Anything good that you see in me, it's God. It's not me. The good in me, is God's grace, because I would never choose it on my own, I am not capable to showing true love, or grace, or any other good aspects.
So, before you think I deserve something better...just remember, it's God who deserves the praise.
Labels: Spiritual
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reason in the moment, or even five years down the road, but I do believe it fits into an ultimate and master plan. That may seem like some giant conspiracy theory, and I suppose in some ways it is. There is an ultimate plan, and there is an ultimate being in control of that plan. Lucky for us...He told us what His plan was, and so we don't have to spend our lives guessing why. Not to say that we always understand the small workings or details...but we can rest assured they fit, they have a purpose.
I suppose I can look at some of the junk I went through, and see it as a trial, something that held me back, or caused me baggage...however, I'm trying to look at it as having a purpose, it seems less depressing that way. You see, if I had to struggle with a negative self-view and all the junk that came with that, just so I could relate to one girl who is struggling with some of the same issues...I think the pain it caused was worth it. If I had to lose people that I loved and trusted the most, so that I can understand what you mean when you tell me you're having a tough time with the ending of a relationship...then the pain was worth it. If I can witness and share my faith to one more person, and really connect and relate because of what I've gone through...the pain hardly seems like pain anymore. It seems like a blessing. Almost like I got lucky, cause God choose me to experience tough stuff, so I could relate to people.
Suddenly, my rough day...doesn't look like a trial...it looks like a blessing. Because when you tell me how you feel completely stressed out...I'll know what you're talking about.
I guess, it comes back to perspective...to seeing the bigger picture, and not getting caught up in the minor details and bumps in the road.
I'm preaching to the choir tonight.
I suppose I can look at some of the junk I went through, and see it as a trial, something that held me back, or caused me baggage...however, I'm trying to look at it as having a purpose, it seems less depressing that way. You see, if I had to struggle with a negative self-view and all the junk that came with that, just so I could relate to one girl who is struggling with some of the same issues...I think the pain it caused was worth it. If I had to lose people that I loved and trusted the most, so that I can understand what you mean when you tell me you're having a tough time with the ending of a relationship...then the pain was worth it. If I can witness and share my faith to one more person, and really connect and relate because of what I've gone through...the pain hardly seems like pain anymore. It seems like a blessing. Almost like I got lucky, cause God choose me to experience tough stuff, so I could relate to people.
Suddenly, my rough day...doesn't look like a trial...it looks like a blessing. Because when you tell me how you feel completely stressed out...I'll know what you're talking about.
I guess, it comes back to perspective...to seeing the bigger picture, and not getting caught up in the minor details and bumps in the road.
I'm preaching to the choir tonight.
Monday, March 26, 2007
I have realized that humans have the ability to coast during their lives. I am not sure if this is a gift from God, or a task of the devil. You see, I am dissatisfied with my life right now, and yet I have been coasting in this state for quite some time. I have settled for the ordinary, because it is easier and more comfortable then pushing myself to attain a higher level.
Growing up in the church, you can learn how to go through the motions fairly quickly. You know all the arguments for why you believe what you do, you say the right things at the right times, and you convince people into believing that you have it all together. Learning these things over a number of years, means you can coast for quite a long time, without people realizing that you are just going through the motions. Sometimes, you become so good at it, that you even fool yourself into thinking that your relationship with God is a lot stronger then it actually is.
Until you stop and take a breath for a second, and realize that if you were put on trial for being a Christian, you really wouldn't have very much to convict you. I mean, once you take going through the motions away, what do you have left.
What makes you different and sets you apart? I don't care what you look like on Sunday, because everyone looks good on Sunday. I care about who you are on Friday night when you're hanging with your friends, or who you are when you're alone with your girlfriend in your car. I care about who are you are in the shower, when no one else is around and you have no reason to keep your mask on or impress people.
Today, I am sick of settling for a level that is so easy to attain and requires no sacrifice from me.
Growing up in the church, you can learn how to go through the motions fairly quickly. You know all the arguments for why you believe what you do, you say the right things at the right times, and you convince people into believing that you have it all together. Learning these things over a number of years, means you can coast for quite a long time, without people realizing that you are just going through the motions. Sometimes, you become so good at it, that you even fool yourself into thinking that your relationship with God is a lot stronger then it actually is.
Until you stop and take a breath for a second, and realize that if you were put on trial for being a Christian, you really wouldn't have very much to convict you. I mean, once you take going through the motions away, what do you have left.
What makes you different and sets you apart? I don't care what you look like on Sunday, because everyone looks good on Sunday. I care about who you are on Friday night when you're hanging with your friends, or who you are when you're alone with your girlfriend in your car. I care about who are you are in the shower, when no one else is around and you have no reason to keep your mask on or impress people.
Today, I am sick of settling for a level that is so easy to attain and requires no sacrifice from me.
Labels: Spiritual
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Shrek said it best "Ogres are like onions." Now, it may seem strange that I am pulling my thoughts on people from a cartoon movie, yet more and more I have realized that this is true (well, replace ogres with people perhaps :)).
You see, last night we had a bible study on 1 John, and we talked about how we are commanded to love people in our lives, and if we do not love we do not have Christ in us. Most of us tend to define love as, not hate. So, basically if I don't hate you, then I must love you. Yet, love is so much more then that, it's actively participating in actions that prove that you love someone.
I find this very convicting. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have been deeply hurt by people that were suppose to love me, or who I loved. The hurt does not just disappear over night, it's not like I rolled over one morning and thought, and “I love this person, despite what they did." I can generally forgive someone to an extent, and not be bitter about what happened...but to actively love them, that is where I fail. You see, I don't really pray for those who have hurt me deeply, other then perhaps for God to open their eyes to the damage they've caused. I don't pray that they will have a good day, or that they will feel God's closeness. Instead, I hold on to the pain, and justify not opening up to people in the future, because of what happened.
Now, I am not trying to lightly dismiss the fact that some people have been shattered by people who were suppose to love them, or claimed to love them. Trust is a big part of love, and it has to be earned in order for someone to truly open up to you.
At the same time, when I look at my own life, I use the hurt sometimes, as an excuse to not actively love, because I justify my reaction based on what was done to me.
Back to my onion comment...each person has layers in their lives...if I were to quickly define it; I would say each person has four general layers:
The outmost layer - which is the part of our personality that we reveal to the general public, and is the most superficial aspects of who we really are. Things such as weather, current events, etc.
The next layer - the part of us that we reveal around our friends and some acquaintances. More so, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions, and general thoughts about life.
Third layer - we tend to reserve this for those we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. These relationships tend to take time to develop, and over that time trust is earned. It tends to be your goals, personal problems, fears, etc.
Last layer - contains the part of ourselves, which we don't share with anyone. It is our deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts, that we rather not acknowledge to ourselves, yet alone others.
I guess what I am saying is...love is not easy, yet it is commanded. I think that people, especially in Christian circles, need to love each other, but also understand that love is based on trust. People need to earn that trust, which may require hard work, and active love, especially if that trust has been shattered in the past.
You see, last night we had a bible study on 1 John, and we talked about how we are commanded to love people in our lives, and if we do not love we do not have Christ in us. Most of us tend to define love as, not hate. So, basically if I don't hate you, then I must love you. Yet, love is so much more then that, it's actively participating in actions that prove that you love someone.
I find this very convicting. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have been deeply hurt by people that were suppose to love me, or who I loved. The hurt does not just disappear over night, it's not like I rolled over one morning and thought, and “I love this person, despite what they did." I can generally forgive someone to an extent, and not be bitter about what happened...but to actively love them, that is where I fail. You see, I don't really pray for those who have hurt me deeply, other then perhaps for God to open their eyes to the damage they've caused. I don't pray that they will have a good day, or that they will feel God's closeness. Instead, I hold on to the pain, and justify not opening up to people in the future, because of what happened.
Now, I am not trying to lightly dismiss the fact that some people have been shattered by people who were suppose to love them, or claimed to love them. Trust is a big part of love, and it has to be earned in order for someone to truly open up to you.
At the same time, when I look at my own life, I use the hurt sometimes, as an excuse to not actively love, because I justify my reaction based on what was done to me.
Back to my onion comment...each person has layers in their lives...if I were to quickly define it; I would say each person has four general layers:
The outmost layer - which is the part of our personality that we reveal to the general public, and is the most superficial aspects of who we really are. Things such as weather, current events, etc.
The next layer - the part of us that we reveal around our friends and some acquaintances. More so, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions, and general thoughts about life.
Third layer - we tend to reserve this for those we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. These relationships tend to take time to develop, and over that time trust is earned. It tends to be your goals, personal problems, fears, etc.
Last layer - contains the part of ourselves, which we don't share with anyone. It is our deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts, that we rather not acknowledge to ourselves, yet alone others.
I guess what I am saying is...love is not easy, yet it is commanded. I think that people, especially in Christian circles, need to love each other, but also understand that love is based on trust. People need to earn that trust, which may require hard work, and active love, especially if that trust has been shattered in the past.
Labels: Controversial Issues, Spiritual
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Christian's shouldn't be asking themselves when it comes to a grey area "Is this wrong" but rather they should ask themselves "Is it right." I mean, I can tell you that a lot of things are not wrong for a Christian to do, such as drinking, smoking or other areas that have been deemed grey areas. But when I ask myself, is this right...I often realize I really don't have a good argument to support it. Now, I am not saying that you need to cut out any grey area in your life and become legalistic...but I am saying, maybe we need to re-examine some things in our lives. Just because it's not wrong, doesn't mean we need to do it.
What kind of standard are you holding yourselves to? If you compare yourselves to other Christians, I am sure you can come out at a level similar to how you perceive them. However, when you measure yourself up to God's standard, you will fall short every time.
We had a good Bible study tonight - I was encouraged by the discussion and thoughts that came forward. It's been fun getting to know people better in London...I don't know if I've scared them too badly yet...they're still talking to me, so I think that's a good sign :)
Labels: Spiritual
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I grew up thinking that if you debated something well enough, you could convince anyone that what you believed was true; all you had to do was win the debate. I soon realized that no matter how sound your argument is people are not going to believe it by you "winning" a debate.
Now, if you're like most humans, you are going to run into people who completely disagree with your worldview (especially as Christian's) and I think often we don't really know how to deal with such attacks on our faith or our beliefs. I am sure there are a wide variety of responses to this; however, there seems to be a trend in the responses Christian's give. Some try to respond by debating these people into believing what we believe, others by just rejecting their faith because the moment it is attacked and they don't have the answer they question it, other's become completely passive and just don't discuss their faith or back away from any argument or debate.
This leads me to think, there must be a better way then these above responses, as all of them seem to not really accomplish the end goal that we are hoping for.
I believe the answer, or at least part of it, is to show people by example who Christ is and how it's changed our life. So that when we do open our mouths to talk about Him, they believe that we aren't just spouting off some argument we learned in Sunday school.
Now, many of you most likely agree with that "Yes, we will show them by our actions" and yet so many of our lives do not reflect Christ in a vibrant and obvious way. It's like we live our lives exactly like our neighbour, but we go to Church, do a few mission trips, go to Bible Study Wednesday nights - but there is no passion. There is no reason for our neighbour, or the person we bump into in our lives to believe that we are on fire for God.
It leads me to ask my self - if someone ran into me today, would they notice that I'm different? Does my passion and fire for God shine through me, or have I settled to a "just getting by" standard?
Now, if you're like most humans, you are going to run into people who completely disagree with your worldview (especially as Christian's) and I think often we don't really know how to deal with such attacks on our faith or our beliefs. I am sure there are a wide variety of responses to this; however, there seems to be a trend in the responses Christian's give. Some try to respond by debating these people into believing what we believe, others by just rejecting their faith because the moment it is attacked and they don't have the answer they question it, other's become completely passive and just don't discuss their faith or back away from any argument or debate.
This leads me to think, there must be a better way then these above responses, as all of them seem to not really accomplish the end goal that we are hoping for.
I believe the answer, or at least part of it, is to show people by example who Christ is and how it's changed our life. So that when we do open our mouths to talk about Him, they believe that we aren't just spouting off some argument we learned in Sunday school.
Now, many of you most likely agree with that "Yes, we will show them by our actions" and yet so many of our lives do not reflect Christ in a vibrant and obvious way. It's like we live our lives exactly like our neighbour, but we go to Church, do a few mission trips, go to Bible Study Wednesday nights - but there is no passion. There is no reason for our neighbour, or the person we bump into in our lives to believe that we are on fire for God.
It leads me to ask my self - if someone ran into me today, would they notice that I'm different? Does my passion and fire for God shine through me, or have I settled to a "just getting by" standard?
Labels: Spiritual
Friday, January 12, 2007
I am not sure if it is jet leg...or just that I am completely wired and hence unable to sleep. Can I say that I already miss The Hat. Yesterday, when I was on the plane leaving Calgary, we were all ready to go, and then one of the passengers decided she wanted to stay in Calgary. So, they had to re-open the plane, get her and her luggage off the plane, then open up the bottom and go through all the luggage until they found hers. A large part of me wanted to jump up and run off the plane with her...even if it meant I would have to live in a cardboard box at the airport. Then again, my suitcase is quite large, I think I would fit in it.
I came back to London today...to an over flowing mailbox, a few unexpected phone messages, and a very empty fridge. Also, I kind of had Christmas all over again, as I unpacked all my Christmas presents from my family, and realized I had forgetten about over half of the presents I had received. Which was totally cool with me of course.
Scott asked me today: "If you felt God was telling you to quit your job for a time, and just stay at home and grow closer to Him and really strengthen your relationship with Him....would you do it?" My first reaction was no. Not in a rebellious way...but in a I would think God was messing with my head if He asked me to quit my job to get to know Him and to trust in Him...I mean, that just seems absured. The more I think about my reaction though, I wonder if I am putting God in a box, or expecting Him to only ever work in a "normal" way. Of course I can imagine someone is going to comment and say - God created a world where work is necessary and it's part of life...and some people will want to comment and say you can't put God in a box, you can only think you're putting Him in a box.
I guess what I'm really asking is - how far and what would you sacrifice to make your relationship with God the most important aspect of your life? How much are you willing to give up, how many blows are you going to take for it? Because we can sit here and say we want a real relationship with God, and we want to serve Him with our lives...but at the end of the day, if you aren't changing anything in your life to make that happen - you gotta wonder how badly you want it to happen.
I preach at myself when I write that. So often I can say all the right things, give great arguments, talk about how important a relationship with God is, how I want it more then anything...and then I get home, sit down and turn on the tv, or mindlessly fill my time with nothing of importance. Really makes me wonder how badly I want this relationship with God...or if I'm just talking and not backing it up with actions.
I want to run a 5k this summer, and complete a triathalon. The trainer that I had a meeting with at the gym, told me I have 37.5 fat pounds to lose, and a whole lot of working out to do - that was the end of August. I think I've gained 37.5 more fat pounds since then...and my workout schedule is horrific. I guess if I keep talking about how I want to do this...I need to back it up with actions. Perhaps that is what God is trying to teach me...how I need to talk less and act more.
I came back to London today...to an over flowing mailbox, a few unexpected phone messages, and a very empty fridge. Also, I kind of had Christmas all over again, as I unpacked all my Christmas presents from my family, and realized I had forgetten about over half of the presents I had received. Which was totally cool with me of course.
Scott asked me today: "If you felt God was telling you to quit your job for a time, and just stay at home and grow closer to Him and really strengthen your relationship with Him....would you do it?" My first reaction was no. Not in a rebellious way...but in a I would think God was messing with my head if He asked me to quit my job to get to know Him and to trust in Him...I mean, that just seems absured. The more I think about my reaction though, I wonder if I am putting God in a box, or expecting Him to only ever work in a "normal" way. Of course I can imagine someone is going to comment and say - God created a world where work is necessary and it's part of life...and some people will want to comment and say you can't put God in a box, you can only think you're putting Him in a box.
I guess what I'm really asking is - how far and what would you sacrifice to make your relationship with God the most important aspect of your life? How much are you willing to give up, how many blows are you going to take for it? Because we can sit here and say we want a real relationship with God, and we want to serve Him with our lives...but at the end of the day, if you aren't changing anything in your life to make that happen - you gotta wonder how badly you want it to happen.
I preach at myself when I write that. So often I can say all the right things, give great arguments, talk about how important a relationship with God is, how I want it more then anything...and then I get home, sit down and turn on the tv, or mindlessly fill my time with nothing of importance. Really makes me wonder how badly I want this relationship with God...or if I'm just talking and not backing it up with actions.
I want to run a 5k this summer, and complete a triathalon. The trainer that I had a meeting with at the gym, told me I have 37.5 fat pounds to lose, and a whole lot of working out to do - that was the end of August. I think I've gained 37.5 more fat pounds since then...and my workout schedule is horrific. I guess if I keep talking about how I want to do this...I need to back it up with actions. Perhaps that is what God is trying to teach me...how I need to talk less and act more.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
My time here in The Hat is winding down, unless the blizzard warning pulls through for me (Please God, send a blizzard so I don't have to go back to London:). I am waiting for Nicole to primp herself as we are heading out for supper with some people. This could be interesting, as she often seems to get into a fight with the hair straightner...oh the dangers of being a girl!
The real question is this: Would you rather leave a place with the perfect memory and no good bye, or would you want to say good bye? I think I rather not say good byes, just act as if it's another night, another time, and leave as if I am coming back tomorrow. Perhaps I am weird, perhaps I hate the finality of a good bye.
Sometimes life doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why certain things happen to certain people. It always seems to be the people who deserve the best, end up getting the short end of the stick. I don't understand that. I trust God has an ultimate plan for it all...but sometimes it doesn't make sense to me.
Do you ever marvel at unconditional love? I do. I've marvelled at it a few times these past weeks. I can't fathom how God can look at me, with all my mistakes and flaws, and love me despite it all. I don't understand how He forgave me before I even messed up, or how He has forgotten all the sins I've confessed. I don't understand it at all. I am completely in awe...and as I looked up at a perfect sky the other night, and saw the stars, I couldn't help but marvel at God's unconditional love for someone like me.
The real question is this: Would you rather leave a place with the perfect memory and no good bye, or would you want to say good bye? I think I rather not say good byes, just act as if it's another night, another time, and leave as if I am coming back tomorrow. Perhaps I am weird, perhaps I hate the finality of a good bye.
Sometimes life doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why certain things happen to certain people. It always seems to be the people who deserve the best, end up getting the short end of the stick. I don't understand that. I trust God has an ultimate plan for it all...but sometimes it doesn't make sense to me.
Do you ever marvel at unconditional love? I do. I've marvelled at it a few times these past weeks. I can't fathom how God can look at me, with all my mistakes and flaws, and love me despite it all. I don't understand how He forgave me before I even messed up, or how He has forgotten all the sins I've confessed. I don't understand it at all. I am completely in awe...and as I looked up at a perfect sky the other night, and saw the stars, I couldn't help but marvel at God's unconditional love for someone like me.
Labels: Ramblings, Relationships, Spiritual
Monday, January 08, 2007
Do you ever wish that you could freeze a moment? I do. Sometimes the most perfect moments happen, when I feel that I am truly living. When God seems so close that I can feel Him, and when I'm not scared about tomorrow or five years from now. God has been teaching me a lot in the last two weeks while being down in The Hat. A lot of it is not exactly flattering things, things I would rather pretend I don't struggle with. He's shown me how selfish I really am, how I don't put enough effort into friendships, how I tend to turn everything into a story about my life, how I am too quick to speak and too slow to listen, how I plan to far in advance instead of trusting Him, how I care too much what people think about me, how I forget to laugh and sometimes how I try too hard not to cry.
I suppose the real root issue is my pride, I want people to think I have my life all together, and yet I don't. I really don't have any of my life together. I've messed up things I shouldn't have, and depended on my own strength to get me through.
As much as it is painful to realize that I am so far from perfect, and to think that I am way to broken for God to ever fix me...I am comforted in this moment. Because I realize I can't do things on my own any more...and I'm excited as I see what God can do in people around me. It is my hope that as God tears apart everything I hold dear, He will be able to rebuild me and put all the cracked pieces together to form a functional masterpiece.
I suppose the real root issue is my pride, I want people to think I have my life all together, and yet I don't. I really don't have any of my life together. I've messed up things I shouldn't have, and depended on my own strength to get me through.
As much as it is painful to realize that I am so far from perfect, and to think that I am way to broken for God to ever fix me...I am comforted in this moment. Because I realize I can't do things on my own any more...and I'm excited as I see what God can do in people around me. It is my hope that as God tears apart everything I hold dear, He will be able to rebuild me and put all the cracked pieces together to form a functional masterpiece.
Labels: Spiritual
Sunday, January 07, 2007
You know what I miss...my old church, Heights Baptist. Whenever I come back here after being away, I am reminded about how much I loved attending there. This morning we had communion, I love communion, but especially at this church. After communion the entire church joins hands throughout the whole sanctuary and sings, "Blest be the Tie that Binds."
We had a great sermon today, on how you are never to broken for God's grace...I always find those types of sermons encouraging. Especially as I mess up in my life, and am constantly remind of how far I've fallen and how sinful I am. Also Pastor Art made some great points about how we often try to know God's will and know where He wants us to go, but we neglect to stay faithfully in the word and ono His path. I found that thought interesting...as I am the one who runs on five-year plans and likes to know what is happening. I believe these are one of the moment in life where God asks to take the reins and for me to trust...and sometimes that is really hard.
On a side note - Jello on drugs is way to much fun. I finally met Chewy last night for the first time (every time I hear his name I want a cookie), though I do believe we scared him away. Something to do with Jello asking out of the blue if he had a hairy chest. I do believe he was rather taken back...and maybe scared for life.
Oh, and Nicole got a new hair cut, and she looks hot. Seriously...I was quite jealous of her fabulous looks with her new do...I do believe she even is strutting a bit when she is walking :) And, she is going to buy a blow dryer and straightener...our little Nicole is growing up. Though, I should most likely give her a call, to make sure she didn't burn her ear off or something this morning :)
Well folks, I already had one amazing lunch at my company's old executive director's house, and I have supper with Jello at Scott's house (his mom invited us) I don't know if Jello's going to ask any hair questions...could be interesting!!
We had a great sermon today, on how you are never to broken for God's grace...I always find those types of sermons encouraging. Especially as I mess up in my life, and am constantly remind of how far I've fallen and how sinful I am. Also Pastor Art made some great points about how we often try to know God's will and know where He wants us to go, but we neglect to stay faithfully in the word and ono His path. I found that thought interesting...as I am the one who runs on five-year plans and likes to know what is happening. I believe these are one of the moment in life where God asks to take the reins and for me to trust...and sometimes that is really hard.
On a side note - Jello on drugs is way to much fun. I finally met Chewy last night for the first time (every time I hear his name I want a cookie), though I do believe we scared him away. Something to do with Jello asking out of the blue if he had a hairy chest. I do believe he was rather taken back...and maybe scared for life.
Oh, and Nicole got a new hair cut, and she looks hot. Seriously...I was quite jealous of her fabulous looks with her new do...I do believe she even is strutting a bit when she is walking :) And, she is going to buy a blow dryer and straightener...our little Nicole is growing up. Though, I should most likely give her a call, to make sure she didn't burn her ear off or something this morning :)
Well folks, I already had one amazing lunch at my company's old executive director's house, and I have supper with Jello at Scott's house (his mom invited us) I don't know if Jello's going to ask any hair questions...could be interesting!!
Labels: Ramblings, Relationships, Spiritual
Monday, January 01, 2007
When was the last time you smiled...for absolutely no reason? Or the last time you lived out one of your dreams, no matter how crazy or daunting it was? When was the last time you stood up and said, "I'm not doing this because I don't think it will help me in serving my purpose here on earth - to glorify God."
Have we become a society stuck in a rut of the everyday, just living minute to minute in hopes of surviving the mine field we call life? When you look back on the last year, five years, ten years of your life do you see a stagnant pool of water collecting? Don't get me wrong, I realize a lot of life is about mundane tasks that need to be performed or waded through. I am not trying to be idealistic and say you should be smiling and living life to the fullest in every moment. But stop for a minute, take a step back, and look at your life - is this what you want to be doing? If you were given a year left to live, how much of your life would change?
Sometimes I people watch...I look at couples who are together, or parent's with their children. Sometimes the people look happy and completely in love...but most days they've got frowns on their faces, the children are screaming, the parent's are upset - and they are yelling at each other. In those moments, I just want to get up and shake them, and say to them, "This is your life, you only get to live it once. You don't know how long you have to spend with this person, you may only have a day left with them, don't forget to tell them that you love them."
So when I look at my own life, over this past year and as I go into the future...I am stopping, taking a step back, and trying to go forward with my eye sight on God, and a smile on my face.
By the way, about five minutes ago while I was talking to a friend, I smiled...for no reason. Life is good, despite all the pain and hardships that come your way. There is a rainbow behind the clouds, and a crown in heaven with your name.
Have we become a society stuck in a rut of the everyday, just living minute to minute in hopes of surviving the mine field we call life? When you look back on the last year, five years, ten years of your life do you see a stagnant pool of water collecting? Don't get me wrong, I realize a lot of life is about mundane tasks that need to be performed or waded through. I am not trying to be idealistic and say you should be smiling and living life to the fullest in every moment. But stop for a minute, take a step back, and look at your life - is this what you want to be doing? If you were given a year left to live, how much of your life would change?
Sometimes I people watch...I look at couples who are together, or parent's with their children. Sometimes the people look happy and completely in love...but most days they've got frowns on their faces, the children are screaming, the parent's are upset - and they are yelling at each other. In those moments, I just want to get up and shake them, and say to them, "This is your life, you only get to live it once. You don't know how long you have to spend with this person, you may only have a day left with them, don't forget to tell them that you love them."
So when I look at my own life, over this past year and as I go into the future...I am stopping, taking a step back, and trying to go forward with my eye sight on God, and a smile on my face.
By the way, about five minutes ago while I was talking to a friend, I smiled...for no reason. Life is good, despite all the pain and hardships that come your way. There is a rainbow behind the clouds, and a crown in heaven with your name.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Ponder the achievement of God.
He doesn't condone our sin, nor does He
compromise His standard.
He doesn't ignore our rebellion, nor does He
relax his demands.
Rather than dismiss our sin, He assumes our sin
and, incredibly, sentences Himsellf.
God's holiness is honored. Our sin is punished...
and we are redeemed.
God does what we cannot do so we can be what we
dare not dream: perfect before God.
Do you enjoy God more than anything? God wants us to enjoy Him, more than just obey Him. If you can't walk with God because of your circumstances - if you pray about it, your circumstances will most likely get harder - until you realize that God is enough.
He doesn't condone our sin, nor does He
compromise His standard.
He doesn't ignore our rebellion, nor does He
relax his demands.
Rather than dismiss our sin, He assumes our sin
and, incredibly, sentences Himsellf.
God's holiness is honored. Our sin is punished...
and we are redeemed.
God does what we cannot do so we can be what we
dare not dream: perfect before God.
Do you enjoy God more than anything? God wants us to enjoy Him, more than just obey Him. If you can't walk with God because of your circumstances - if you pray about it, your circumstances will most likely get harder - until you realize that God is enough.
Labels: Spiritual