Monday, January 08, 2007
Do you ever wish that you could freeze a moment? I do. Sometimes the most perfect moments happen, when I feel that I am truly living. When God seems so close that I can feel Him, and when I'm not scared about tomorrow or five years from now. God has been teaching me a lot in the last two weeks while being down in The Hat. A lot of it is not exactly flattering things, things I would rather pretend I don't struggle with. He's shown me how selfish I really am, how I don't put enough effort into friendships, how I tend to turn everything into a story about my life, how I am too quick to speak and too slow to listen, how I plan to far in advance instead of trusting Him, how I care too much what people think about me, how I forget to laugh and sometimes how I try too hard not to cry.
I suppose the real root issue is my pride, I want people to think I have my life all together, and yet I don't. I really don't have any of my life together. I've messed up things I shouldn't have, and depended on my own strength to get me through.
As much as it is painful to realize that I am so far from perfect, and to think that I am way to broken for God to ever fix me...I am comforted in this moment. Because I realize I can't do things on my own any more...and I'm excited as I see what God can do in people around me. It is my hope that as God tears apart everything I hold dear, He will be able to rebuild me and put all the cracked pieces together to form a functional masterpiece.
I suppose the real root issue is my pride, I want people to think I have my life all together, and yet I don't. I really don't have any of my life together. I've messed up things I shouldn't have, and depended on my own strength to get me through.
As much as it is painful to realize that I am so far from perfect, and to think that I am way to broken for God to ever fix me...I am comforted in this moment. Because I realize I can't do things on my own any more...and I'm excited as I see what God can do in people around me. It is my hope that as God tears apart everything I hold dear, He will be able to rebuild me and put all the cracked pieces together to form a functional masterpiece.
Labels: Spiritual