Wednesday, April 04, 2007
not that I would ever try to annoy people on purpose, I just have a bad habit of doing it without realizing it :) I figure if I give the same ideas to everyone...then we all have the same advantage...or something!
1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
11. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
12. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
13. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
17. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
18. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
19. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
20. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
21. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
22. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
23. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
24. Honk and wave to strangers.
25. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
26. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
28. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
31. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
32. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
33. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
35. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
36. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
37. Ask people what gender they are.
38. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.\
39. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
40. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
42. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
44. Sing along at the opera.
45. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
46. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
47. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
48. Never break eye contact.
49. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
11. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
12. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
13. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
17. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
18. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
19. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
20. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
21. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
22. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
23. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
24. Honk and wave to strangers.
25. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
26. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
28. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
31. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
32. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
33. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
35. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
36. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
37. Ask people what gender they are.
38. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.\
39. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
40. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
42. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
44. Sing along at the opera.
45. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
46. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
47. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
48. Never break eye contact.
49. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Labels: Humour