Wednesday, December 12, 2007
and because I am morbid, and so things like this make me laugh evily.
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled toinvestigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled toinvestigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
Labels: Humour
Monday, December 03, 2007
Do people actually believe these things? I just got a chain letter, that claimed the following if I did not forward it on to 15 people that I knew. Apparently I am doomed, if something happens to me tonight, we all know that we can blame it on the chain letter, and in future I can become an example on the list:
First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky , up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a since 3rd grade. The next day after sending the chain the confessed her love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and married each other to live happily forever.
Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild! the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out ever since.
Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-
1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!
10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!
15 people- your crush will say they like you
20 people- your crush will ask you out!
25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
30 people - Your crush will have with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!
Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat room, pick some names and send away.
First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky , up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a since 3rd grade. The next day after sending the chain the confessed her love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and married each other to live happily forever.
Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild! the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out ever since.
Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-
1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!
10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!
15 people- your crush will say they like you
20 people- your crush will ask you out!
25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
30 people - Your crush will have with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!
Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat room, pick some names and send away.
Labels: Humour
Friday, May 18, 2007
I came home the other day. The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping...I almost expected a rainbow to pop out of the clear sky, and a parade to come down the street. Everything is sunshine and roses, the kind without thorns; or at least I thought.
You see, I have this habit, I get home from work...get out of my car...and go and check my mail box. Most days I'm somewhat disapointed, as it is completely empty, almost as if mocking me. However, on that particular day, I noticed there was mail, and I got a huge grin on my face. I mean, it's this perfect day, I don't have a care in the world...and now I have mail. What more could a girl want.
It was one letter, and as I picked it up, I realized in shock and horror that it had finally happened. There, printed boldly and brazenly across the envelope was the words "STILL SINGLE - WE WANT TO HELP" in bright big type. I realed back in shock, they had found me I realized.
You see, I had let down my guard. A week earlier I had gone to the grocery store, in grubby Saturday clothes, and bought one tub of ice cream, and they knew. They just knew I was single, and so they reported me. And now, the world is trying to fix me, like I have some kind of horrible disease. I may look like I'm okay...but deep down I'm crying...my cover has been blown. I am currently looking for a new residence in a different country. I've also booked plastic surgery.
You see, I have this habit, I get home from work...get out of my car...and go and check my mail box. Most days I'm somewhat disapointed, as it is completely empty, almost as if mocking me. However, on that particular day, I noticed there was mail, and I got a huge grin on my face. I mean, it's this perfect day, I don't have a care in the world...and now I have mail. What more could a girl want.
It was one letter, and as I picked it up, I realized in shock and horror that it had finally happened. There, printed boldly and brazenly across the envelope was the words "STILL SINGLE - WE WANT TO HELP" in bright big type. I realed back in shock, they had found me I realized.
You see, I had let down my guard. A week earlier I had gone to the grocery store, in grubby Saturday clothes, and bought one tub of ice cream, and they knew. They just knew I was single, and so they reported me. And now, the world is trying to fix me, like I have some kind of horrible disease. I may look like I'm okay...but deep down I'm crying...my cover has been blown. I am currently looking for a new residence in a different country. I've also booked plastic surgery.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Now there are some definate advantages to living on your own, you get to make your own rules, leave your dirty laundry all over the floor if you want, sing out loud to music at any time of the day, and never do the dishes until they start crawling out of the sink.
However, there are some disadvantages to living on your own, which I have realized as I am on my second year of braving the wild world of independence all by myself. Here are a few reasons why you may want to re-consider the entire candy-coated dream of living on your own:
1) When you are sick, you just have to pray that you don't die all by yourself without anyone realizing, and have a cat eat your face or something. (I think I've been watching too much CSI).
2) You cannot blame anyone else for putting the milk container back into the fridge with only three drops of milk on the bottom. It's all your fault when this happens.
3) You can't guilt someone else into doing the dishes when they are crawling out of the sink with the legs they grew after four weeks of inhabiting the same space.
4) You can't get all excited over all the mail in the mailbox - you live on your own, just face it, all you get is bills.
5) When people come over and notice that your house looks like a hurricane hit it, you can't blame it on your room mate, we all know that you're a slob and you haven't cleaned your apartment since the last time your parents came for a visit a year ago.
6) There's no loose change laying around that you can "borrow" for pizza. Either you have it, or you don't...and more then likely, you're gonna have to skip on that pizza.
7) You don't get room mates concerned parents sending care packages with food in it, because they are afraid their child is going to die. You gotta actually open packages and make food for yourself.
8) You have to get used to laughing out loud, and then realizing that you are only going to be greeted by silence. It makes movies less funny somehow.
Now, that may sound depressing...and perhaps some days it is...but for the most part, living on your own can be pretty great! You may develop some weird habits, like sitting in corners and humming or singing to yourself...but don't worry, as long as you're maintaining some level of sanity, the world is a happier place!
However, there are some disadvantages to living on your own, which I have realized as I am on my second year of braving the wild world of independence all by myself. Here are a few reasons why you may want to re-consider the entire candy-coated dream of living on your own:
1) When you are sick, you just have to pray that you don't die all by yourself without anyone realizing, and have a cat eat your face or something. (I think I've been watching too much CSI).
2) You cannot blame anyone else for putting the milk container back into the fridge with only three drops of milk on the bottom. It's all your fault when this happens.
3) You can't guilt someone else into doing the dishes when they are crawling out of the sink with the legs they grew after four weeks of inhabiting the same space.
4) You can't get all excited over all the mail in the mailbox - you live on your own, just face it, all you get is bills.
5) When people come over and notice that your house looks like a hurricane hit it, you can't blame it on your room mate, we all know that you're a slob and you haven't cleaned your apartment since the last time your parents came for a visit a year ago.
6) There's no loose change laying around that you can "borrow" for pizza. Either you have it, or you don't...and more then likely, you're gonna have to skip on that pizza.
7) You don't get room mates concerned parents sending care packages with food in it, because they are afraid their child is going to die. You gotta actually open packages and make food for yourself.
8) You have to get used to laughing out loud, and then realizing that you are only going to be greeted by silence. It makes movies less funny somehow.
Now, that may sound depressing...and perhaps some days it is...but for the most part, living on your own can be pretty great! You may develop some weird habits, like sitting in corners and humming or singing to yourself...but don't worry, as long as you're maintaining some level of sanity, the world is a happier place!
Labels: Humour
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
not that I would ever try to annoy people on purpose, I just have a bad habit of doing it without realizing it :) I figure if I give the same ideas to everyone...then we all have the same advantage...or something!
1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
11. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
12. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
13. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
17. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
18. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
19. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
20. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
21. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
22. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
23. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
24. Honk and wave to strangers.
25. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
26. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
28. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
31. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
32. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
33. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
35. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
36. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
37. Ask people what gender they are.
38. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.\
39. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
40. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
42. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
44. Sing along at the opera.
45. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
46. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
47. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
48. Never break eye contact.
49. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
11. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
12. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
13. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
17. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
18. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
19. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
20. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
21. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
22. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
23. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
24. Honk and wave to strangers.
25. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
26. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
28. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
31. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
32. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
33. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
35. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
36. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
37. Ask people what gender they are.
38. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.\
39. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
40. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
42. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
44. Sing along at the opera.
45. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
46. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
47. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
48. Never break eye contact.
49. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Labels: Humour
Friday, January 26, 2007
So, I was sitting there thinking the other day (always a bad sign) and something in my thought pattern went on the topic of jobs...and I decided that if I am to change my career, these are the jobs I do not want:
1) Working at a maternity clothing store.
I am always afraid that when I walk into a maternity store to shop for someone that some nice lady working there is going to ask me when I am due. I never know how I would respond to that...because if you tell her you're not pregnant, she's going to feel horrible...but if you say you're five months and she says "Wow, you're big for five months" you're going to feel horrible. It really is a no-win situation, which leads me to think, I'd hate to work at a maternity store, cause I know I'd end up asking non-pregnant ladies when they are due...and then most likely getting fired over it.
2) Being a doorman - or more like doorwoman:
I would always feel afraid that I would go to open the door for some lady carrying her pet poodle in her purse, and I'd smack her right in the head with the door. I just really don't think I have the eye/hand coordination for a job such as that. I mean nothing worse then people checking in at the hotel with the door crest embedded on their face. I can't picture myself lasting very long with that job. So, I'm basically impressed at all the guys who open doors for girls, and don't clock them in the head!
3) A hairdresser.
Every time I go to get my hair cut, I sit down in the chair, and the lady says “What would you like today,” and I always respond “Hmm, do what you think is best.” Now, if I was a hair dresser and someone said that to me, I think I would give them a mullet just to teach them never to put so much pressure on me as the hair dresser. Not to mention the fact that me holding sharp and pointy object in my hand near people’s heads just doesn’t seem like a wise idea. I mean, what happens if you unexpectedly sneeze while cutting someone’s hair. Sounds like a CSI case to me.
4) A Window Cleaner
Part of me would love to have this job, mostly because people always think the window cleaner can’t see inside while he’s cleaning. Though to be quite honest, they can see just fine. But for the very same reason that I wouldn’t mind being a window cleaner, I would hate to be one. I mean, you can see in people’s windows…people who think you can’t see them. I can only imagine the stories you could bring home, and the therapy you would need to help cope with those stories. Not to mention, you’re hanging from a thread high above concrete slabs…something seems rather risky about that, not quite sure what it is though.
1) Working at a maternity clothing store.
I am always afraid that when I walk into a maternity store to shop for someone that some nice lady working there is going to ask me when I am due. I never know how I would respond to that...because if you tell her you're not pregnant, she's going to feel horrible...but if you say you're five months and she says "Wow, you're big for five months" you're going to feel horrible. It really is a no-win situation, which leads me to think, I'd hate to work at a maternity store, cause I know I'd end up asking non-pregnant ladies when they are due...and then most likely getting fired over it.
2) Being a doorman - or more like doorwoman:
I would always feel afraid that I would go to open the door for some lady carrying her pet poodle in her purse, and I'd smack her right in the head with the door. I just really don't think I have the eye/hand coordination for a job such as that. I mean nothing worse then people checking in at the hotel with the door crest embedded on their face. I can't picture myself lasting very long with that job. So, I'm basically impressed at all the guys who open doors for girls, and don't clock them in the head!
3) A hairdresser.
Every time I go to get my hair cut, I sit down in the chair, and the lady says “What would you like today,” and I always respond “Hmm, do what you think is best.” Now, if I was a hair dresser and someone said that to me, I think I would give them a mullet just to teach them never to put so much pressure on me as the hair dresser. Not to mention the fact that me holding sharp and pointy object in my hand near people’s heads just doesn’t seem like a wise idea. I mean, what happens if you unexpectedly sneeze while cutting someone’s hair. Sounds like a CSI case to me.
4) A Window Cleaner
Part of me would love to have this job, mostly because people always think the window cleaner can’t see inside while he’s cleaning. Though to be quite honest, they can see just fine. But for the very same reason that I wouldn’t mind being a window cleaner, I would hate to be one. I mean, you can see in people’s windows…people who think you can’t see them. I can only imagine the stories you could bring home, and the therapy you would need to help cope with those stories. Not to mention, you’re hanging from a thread high above concrete slabs…something seems rather risky about that, not quite sure what it is though.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
that I talk to myself, on quite a regular basis actually. The scary part is, more and more I am realizing it is not just internal conversations, but rather me talking out loud to myself. For example, this happened yesterday at Wal-Mart
Me standing in the garbage pail isle while trying to decide what garbage pail to buy for my kitchen.
Hmmm, I kind of want a silver garbage pail; it seems much more sophisticated somehow.
Silly it's a kitchen, who cares about sophistication. Besides, you'll have to clean the outside all the time because there will be marks on it.
Sure, but I really could stand to be more sophisticated.
Hahaha, there's a joke for you - Mary sophisticated.
I think I want the big one with the lid
Yeah, but $20 for a pail to hold your junk - that seems ridiculous
Yeah, I suppose that's true - but then when people come over, I could be like "Hey, look at my really nice $20 garbage pail with a lid - and cursive writing - that's a nice feature"
Hey, you just said that in a Brian Reagan voice.
I know, but he so totally cracks me up, I can't help it.
I really should get the cute little fat one.
Hahah, you're little and fat, why don't you just put a garbage bag in your mouth.
Did you just burn me?
Heck yes I did (muffles a laugh).
Okay, that's it - we're getting the fat white one...you're embarrassing me.
Oh, whatever - you're the one talking out loud.
See, I really am going mental - I'm having conversations with my self, out loud, in Wal-Mart. I am making myself laugh - this can't be healthy :)
Me standing in the garbage pail isle while trying to decide what garbage pail to buy for my kitchen.
Hmmm, I kind of want a silver garbage pail; it seems much more sophisticated somehow.
Silly it's a kitchen, who cares about sophistication. Besides, you'll have to clean the outside all the time because there will be marks on it.
Sure, but I really could stand to be more sophisticated.
Hahaha, there's a joke for you - Mary sophisticated.
I think I want the big one with the lid
Yeah, but $20 for a pail to hold your junk - that seems ridiculous
Yeah, I suppose that's true - but then when people come over, I could be like "Hey, look at my really nice $20 garbage pail with a lid - and cursive writing - that's a nice feature"
Hey, you just said that in a Brian Reagan voice.
I know, but he so totally cracks me up, I can't help it.
I really should get the cute little fat one.
Hahah, you're little and fat, why don't you just put a garbage bag in your mouth.
Did you just burn me?
Heck yes I did (muffles a laugh).
Okay, that's it - we're getting the fat white one...you're embarrassing me.
Oh, whatever - you're the one talking out loud.
See, I really am going mental - I'm having conversations with my self, out loud, in Wal-Mart. I am making myself laugh - this can't be healthy :)
Labels: Humour
Friday, December 01, 2006
Well, maybe not ever, but it's pretty close. I woke up to an e-mail this morning from Scott, he had sent me a Monk-e-Mail, which of course made me kill myself laughing. So, I decided to send you all a monk-e-mail, because I love you, and more importantly, I am now addicted to these things. So, this link is me, at work, with my princess crown, because that is what I am...a beautiful, beautiful princess :)
My monk-e-mail message to you Link(click)
If you want to make your own monk-e-mail, which of course you do, because it's so totally awesome!!
monk-e-mail Link
My monk-e-mail message to you Link(click)
If you want to make your own monk-e-mail, which of course you do, because it's so totally awesome!!
monk-e-mail Link
Labels: Humour
Friday, November 24, 2006
I have come to the conclusion (after much thought and debate of course) that I am very easily amused. I believe I may be a five-year-old trapped in a twenty-year-old body. Which is kind of weird, in a rather disturbing type of way.
You see, I had an odd type of morbid humour. Now, this humour type has gotten me into warm water at times. The other day I was driving to Bible study with this guy named Derek (since we both live on the same side of the city), and he told me this story in which something died...and I laughed. I tried not to, I promise...but I couldn't help it. My reasoning is...if you don't laugh, then you'll cry...so I laugh. He kind of looked at me weird...and then scrunched himself up against the door as if he was trying to get away from me...I have no idea why.
The other day, I bought Steve a pink frilly birthday card with a kitten on the front wearing a crown...that said something along the lines of "Happy birthday to a beautiful princess." And it made me laugh...because who does that...who sends a little girl card to a grown man for his birthday?
The video links I posted the other day on my blog...then one with the kid falling out of the roller coaster ride. I can't stop laughing when I watch that...it's not even that funny but it just cracks me up...I laugh until I can't breathe, and then I laugh some more.
Of course, the person I blame for my odd sense of humour is my dad...we both do this thing where someone will be talking, and we imagine something happening...and suddenly we're having an impossible time keeping a straight face. Or, someone tells a joke, we start laughing...and then we can't stop. We get mad at ourselves, try to control it...but we can't. It get's quite embaressing sometimes.
So yeah...I am easily amused.
You see, I had an odd type of morbid humour. Now, this humour type has gotten me into warm water at times. The other day I was driving to Bible study with this guy named Derek (since we both live on the same side of the city), and he told me this story in which something died...and I laughed. I tried not to, I promise...but I couldn't help it. My reasoning is...if you don't laugh, then you'll cry...so I laugh. He kind of looked at me weird...and then scrunched himself up against the door as if he was trying to get away from me...I have no idea why.
The other day, I bought Steve a pink frilly birthday card with a kitten on the front wearing a crown...that said something along the lines of "Happy birthday to a beautiful princess." And it made me laugh...because who does that...who sends a little girl card to a grown man for his birthday?
The video links I posted the other day on my blog...then one with the kid falling out of the roller coaster ride. I can't stop laughing when I watch that...it's not even that funny but it just cracks me up...I laugh until I can't breathe, and then I laugh some more.
Of course, the person I blame for my odd sense of humour is my dad...we both do this thing where someone will be talking, and we imagine something happening...and suddenly we're having an impossible time keeping a straight face. Or, someone tells a joke, we start laughing...and then we can't stop. We get mad at ourselves, try to control it...but we can't. It get's quite embaressing sometimes.
So yeah...I am easily amused.
Labels: Humour
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
So, there is this guy standing in line at a grocery store. He sees this lady in front of him, and looks at all the things she is buying, and he says to her "You're single aren't you?" The woman's surprised, and says "Yes, how could you tell that just from the stuff I'm buying?" And he replies, "You're ugly."
I laughed.
I laughed.
Labels: Humour
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
So, today is Tuesday, and it's raining, and cold...so we definately need something to life the spirits. So, here are two videos that made me laugh this morning...because I am a morbid freak with a weird sense of humour.
Google Video link
Is it bad that the lifeguard video makes me want to become a lifeguard just to do this?
Google Video link
Okay, I know I am a horrible person for laughing at this one, but seriously I couldn't help it this morning, and the lady beside him was laughing.
So yes folks, it's Tuesday...don't forget to laugh.
Google Video link
Is it bad that the lifeguard video makes me want to become a lifeguard just to do this?
Google Video link
Okay, I know I am a horrible person for laughing at this one, but seriously I couldn't help it this morning, and the lady beside him was laughing.
So yes folks, it's Tuesday...don't forget to laugh.
Labels: Humour
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Must have just left Math class)
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Must have just left Math class)
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Labels: Humour