Monday, March 26, 2007
I have realized that humans have the ability to coast during their lives. I am not sure if this is a gift from God, or a task of the devil. You see, I am dissatisfied with my life right now, and yet I have been coasting in this state for quite some time. I have settled for the ordinary, because it is easier and more comfortable then pushing myself to attain a higher level.
Growing up in the church, you can learn how to go through the motions fairly quickly. You know all the arguments for why you believe what you do, you say the right things at the right times, and you convince people into believing that you have it all together. Learning these things over a number of years, means you can coast for quite a long time, without people realizing that you are just going through the motions. Sometimes, you become so good at it, that you even fool yourself into thinking that your relationship with God is a lot stronger then it actually is.
Until you stop and take a breath for a second, and realize that if you were put on trial for being a Christian, you really wouldn't have very much to convict you. I mean, once you take going through the motions away, what do you have left.
What makes you different and sets you apart? I don't care what you look like on Sunday, because everyone looks good on Sunday. I care about who you are on Friday night when you're hanging with your friends, or who you are when you're alone with your girlfriend in your car. I care about who are you are in the shower, when no one else is around and you have no reason to keep your mask on or impress people.
Today, I am sick of settling for a level that is so easy to attain and requires no sacrifice from me.
Growing up in the church, you can learn how to go through the motions fairly quickly. You know all the arguments for why you believe what you do, you say the right things at the right times, and you convince people into believing that you have it all together. Learning these things over a number of years, means you can coast for quite a long time, without people realizing that you are just going through the motions. Sometimes, you become so good at it, that you even fool yourself into thinking that your relationship with God is a lot stronger then it actually is.
Until you stop and take a breath for a second, and realize that if you were put on trial for being a Christian, you really wouldn't have very much to convict you. I mean, once you take going through the motions away, what do you have left.
What makes you different and sets you apart? I don't care what you look like on Sunday, because everyone looks good on Sunday. I care about who you are on Friday night when you're hanging with your friends, or who you are when you're alone with your girlfriend in your car. I care about who are you are in the shower, when no one else is around and you have no reason to keep your mask on or impress people.
Today, I am sick of settling for a level that is so easy to attain and requires no sacrifice from me.
Labels: Spiritual
Saturday, March 24, 2007
It is presently before 8:00 on a Saturday morning, and I have already been awaken by a 2-year-old who wanted to get up, taken two brothers to a 6:00 hockey game, fed and took care of the two-year-old, answered a million why questions by the same two-year-old and showered. This is the life of being a substitute mom for a weekend.
It is at times like this, that you realize how much your own mother did for you, and how much patience she really has. Suddenly I have a new respect for her, and at the same time I question my ability to ever parent children. Do you learn patience, or do some people have it and others don't? I'm hoping you learn it, because otherwise if I ever have children, they are going to be in so much trouble.
On an exciting note, between cleaning, helping children complete their Sunday school, running after various children, and all the other tasks that substitute moms have to do - I am planning on paintballing. It should be some good times. Don't worry, I won't be making the kids run around and trying to shoot them, I don't have patience, but I'm not that on the edge :)
Have a great Saturday folks - I am imagining that the entire world is still sleeping!
It is at times like this, that you realize how much your own mother did for you, and how much patience she really has. Suddenly I have a new respect for her, and at the same time I question my ability to ever parent children. Do you learn patience, or do some people have it and others don't? I'm hoping you learn it, because otherwise if I ever have children, they are going to be in so much trouble.
On an exciting note, between cleaning, helping children complete their Sunday school, running after various children, and all the other tasks that substitute moms have to do - I am planning on paintballing. It should be some good times. Don't worry, I won't be making the kids run around and trying to shoot them, I don't have patience, but I'm not that on the edge :)
Have a great Saturday folks - I am imagining that the entire world is still sleeping!
Labels: Ramblings
Saturday, March 17, 2007
So, tonight we had a surprise party for Riley...good times all around. We went bowling, I realized I haven't been bowling in over a year at least...I think it was quite obvious by my score. But hey, an excuse for ice cream cake, laughing at a show of thriller, hanging out with good friends...means good times forsure. We played street hockey afterwards...so much fun. Though right now, I am completely frozen through...I may never un-thaw at this rate.
Great start to the weekend...and I get to sleep in tomorrow, so I am happy!
Great start to the weekend...and I get to sleep in tomorrow, so I am happy!
Labels: Ramblings, Relationships
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Shrek said it best "Ogres are like onions." Now, it may seem strange that I am pulling my thoughts on people from a cartoon movie, yet more and more I have realized that this is true (well, replace ogres with people perhaps :)).
You see, last night we had a bible study on 1 John, and we talked about how we are commanded to love people in our lives, and if we do not love we do not have Christ in us. Most of us tend to define love as, not hate. So, basically if I don't hate you, then I must love you. Yet, love is so much more then that, it's actively participating in actions that prove that you love someone.
I find this very convicting. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have been deeply hurt by people that were suppose to love me, or who I loved. The hurt does not just disappear over night, it's not like I rolled over one morning and thought, and “I love this person, despite what they did." I can generally forgive someone to an extent, and not be bitter about what happened...but to actively love them, that is where I fail. You see, I don't really pray for those who have hurt me deeply, other then perhaps for God to open their eyes to the damage they've caused. I don't pray that they will have a good day, or that they will feel God's closeness. Instead, I hold on to the pain, and justify not opening up to people in the future, because of what happened.
Now, I am not trying to lightly dismiss the fact that some people have been shattered by people who were suppose to love them, or claimed to love them. Trust is a big part of love, and it has to be earned in order for someone to truly open up to you.
At the same time, when I look at my own life, I use the hurt sometimes, as an excuse to not actively love, because I justify my reaction based on what was done to me.
Back to my onion comment...each person has layers in their lives...if I were to quickly define it; I would say each person has four general layers:
The outmost layer - which is the part of our personality that we reveal to the general public, and is the most superficial aspects of who we really are. Things such as weather, current events, etc.
The next layer - the part of us that we reveal around our friends and some acquaintances. More so, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions, and general thoughts about life.
Third layer - we tend to reserve this for those we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. These relationships tend to take time to develop, and over that time trust is earned. It tends to be your goals, personal problems, fears, etc.
Last layer - contains the part of ourselves, which we don't share with anyone. It is our deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts, that we rather not acknowledge to ourselves, yet alone others.
I guess what I am saying is...love is not easy, yet it is commanded. I think that people, especially in Christian circles, need to love each other, but also understand that love is based on trust. People need to earn that trust, which may require hard work, and active love, especially if that trust has been shattered in the past.
You see, last night we had a bible study on 1 John, and we talked about how we are commanded to love people in our lives, and if we do not love we do not have Christ in us. Most of us tend to define love as, not hate. So, basically if I don't hate you, then I must love you. Yet, love is so much more then that, it's actively participating in actions that prove that you love someone.
I find this very convicting. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have been deeply hurt by people that were suppose to love me, or who I loved. The hurt does not just disappear over night, it's not like I rolled over one morning and thought, and “I love this person, despite what they did." I can generally forgive someone to an extent, and not be bitter about what happened...but to actively love them, that is where I fail. You see, I don't really pray for those who have hurt me deeply, other then perhaps for God to open their eyes to the damage they've caused. I don't pray that they will have a good day, or that they will feel God's closeness. Instead, I hold on to the pain, and justify not opening up to people in the future, because of what happened.
Now, I am not trying to lightly dismiss the fact that some people have been shattered by people who were suppose to love them, or claimed to love them. Trust is a big part of love, and it has to be earned in order for someone to truly open up to you.
At the same time, when I look at my own life, I use the hurt sometimes, as an excuse to not actively love, because I justify my reaction based on what was done to me.
Back to my onion comment...each person has layers in their lives...if I were to quickly define it; I would say each person has four general layers:
The outmost layer - which is the part of our personality that we reveal to the general public, and is the most superficial aspects of who we really are. Things such as weather, current events, etc.
The next layer - the part of us that we reveal around our friends and some acquaintances. More so, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions, and general thoughts about life.
Third layer - we tend to reserve this for those we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. These relationships tend to take time to develop, and over that time trust is earned. It tends to be your goals, personal problems, fears, etc.
Last layer - contains the part of ourselves, which we don't share with anyone. It is our deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts, that we rather not acknowledge to ourselves, yet alone others.
I guess what I am saying is...love is not easy, yet it is commanded. I think that people, especially in Christian circles, need to love each other, but also understand that love is based on trust. People need to earn that trust, which may require hard work, and active love, especially if that trust has been shattered in the past.
Labels: Controversial Issues, Spiritual
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I discovered last night, that my life's calling is not to be a badminton player. I didn't realize I could suck so bad at something, but last night definately proved it. I think all the people were secretly filming me and killing themselves laughing afterwards over pizza. I mean, I'd go to play on a court, and the entire court would clear...I thought it was because they were scared of my killer serve...but I don't think that was it. Thankfully a few people put up with me on their team, though I do believe it was out of pity and compassion. It was after all at a church, so I think they felt obligated to put up with the horrible new girl who couldn't hit a birdie if her life depended on it. I am sure they will all get a better place in heaven because of it!
But...I definately had fun...and I now realize that I need to play badminton more often, as to save myself the embaressment of last night :) At least I can now cross one thing off my career list!
I was thinking today, while driving to work - it would suck to get into an accident with a blood truck. I mean, could you imagine...you slam into the side of a blood truck, and suddenly blood is everywhere, and you don't even know if it's yours.
So yeah, avoid those blood trucks people!!
But...I definately had fun...and I now realize that I need to play badminton more often, as to save myself the embaressment of last night :) At least I can now cross one thing off my career list!
I was thinking today, while driving to work - it would suck to get into an accident with a blood truck. I mean, could you imagine...you slam into the side of a blood truck, and suddenly blood is everywhere, and you don't even know if it's yours.
So yeah, avoid those blood trucks people!!
Labels: Ramblings
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
So, the dreary tough month of February is over, and already things are looking up. For starters, and definately my most exciting news....Jello is coming to visit. I get a huge grin even now when I say that, despite the fact that I've known for like a week now. I am so excited, to say the least. Anyone who has heard me talk about this, knows that fact to be true. I cannot wait for her to come,it defiantely makes April an exciting month. I mean, what more could a girl ask for...one of her best friends coming for her birthday :)
In other happy news, my friend Heather had her baby, a sweet little baby boy. I wish I was there to help her out and see the little guy, but I am just living through pictures right now. Also, my cousin just had her first baby, Jasmine - weighing 8 pounds 15 ounces...ouch. But, baby and mother are doing well, and I'm looking forward to cute pics!!
In other happy news, my friend Heather had her baby, a sweet little baby boy. I wish I was there to help her out and see the little guy, but I am just living through pictures right now. Also, my cousin just had her first baby, Jasmine - weighing 8 pounds 15 ounces...ouch. But, baby and mother are doing well, and I'm looking forward to cute pics!!
Labels: Ramblings