Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Well, it's been a while since I wrote one of these posts which have the possibility to offend people. So, as I sit here listening to the rain hitting the glass and the leaves whistling in the wind, I decide to write a post about honesty. Now at first glance, honesty doesn't really seem like a controversial issue. I mean, aren't Christians commanded to be honest, isn't it a virtue that is appreciated by society at large (other then politics:), do we not promote and appreciate honesty? If you had asked me that question a few weeks ago, I most likely would of agreed stating something along the lines of "I've been burned by dishonesty, so I fully appreciate and love honesty in people and myself." I have now come to a different conclusion as life unfolds before me. Now, this post is not a personal jab at people, it is my thoughts on an issue that I have been mulling through my brain, so please do not take this personally (hence the controversial title).
I think people like to believe that they value honesty and want people to be honest with them, but I think that this way of thinking is delusional. You may claim to want honesty (as I would myself), but often when we are given the cold hard facts of honesty, we shirk away from it. I think we have created a society that wants the sugar-coated honesty.
I mean, let's face it, we have grown up in a society that greets each other with "how are you" and expects to hear in response "I am good." We have become isolated individuals, where the closest we tend to get to people is when we are struck in rush hour traffic, or an over crowded elevator. Unless I have an actual connection to you, I really don't want to hear if you had a horrible day, the cat barfed on your son's shoe, you missed the bus, your marriage is on the rocks, and you hate rain.
Even if I have a personal connection to you, there are times when I really don't want to hear about your day or the stuff that you're dealing with in your life. I'll tell you I want you to be honest with me, even if it hurts - but I really only like the honesty that makes me feel good, or doesn't challenge me. We have become experts at wearing masks, pretending that our lives are all together and we don't mess up other then the same things that everyone else struggles with. We tend to give these pious answers such as "Oh, pray for me, I'm struggling with pride, or selfishness."
Now, let me clarify that I am not bashing such requests or saying that they do not exist. But it's like we've put honesty in a nice little box and we never actually spill out the issues in our lives. It's not pretty to say "I've cheated on my wife, I like stealing from my company, I have played out in my mind a million times how I would kill that person I hate." Those are the kinds of truth we don't want to know about people, because it's messy - and it requires work above just the quick "please let Bob be less selfish, or Judy to not be so prideful."
I do not believe that in the name of honesty we should spill out every little thing that's ever happened to us or issue that we are struggling with. But as I look at my own life, I realize that it's really hard for me to be brutally honest with people, because I want them to think I'm this good Christian with my life all together, and my biggest struggles are just the standard - I have pride issues. But, it's not true...there is some ugly stuff that I have/am dealing with, and it's not pretty, and people don't like to hear about it, because it's messy.
I suppose you may completely disagree with me, which you are entitled to do. But I have a feeling there is more then just me who likes the candy-coated honesty that we have gotten used to. I am going to guess that we tend to judge the people that are honest about their lives and it's not really pretty. I'm also going to hope that you will try to live without your mask, even though it's painful - and let other people see that you are a real person who struggles with real issues. My prayer is that I will become more honest, even when it makes me look bad, my prayer is that you will do the same.
I think people like to believe that they value honesty and want people to be honest with them, but I think that this way of thinking is delusional. You may claim to want honesty (as I would myself), but often when we are given the cold hard facts of honesty, we shirk away from it. I think we have created a society that wants the sugar-coated honesty.
I mean, let's face it, we have grown up in a society that greets each other with "how are you" and expects to hear in response "I am good." We have become isolated individuals, where the closest we tend to get to people is when we are struck in rush hour traffic, or an over crowded elevator. Unless I have an actual connection to you, I really don't want to hear if you had a horrible day, the cat barfed on your son's shoe, you missed the bus, your marriage is on the rocks, and you hate rain.
Even if I have a personal connection to you, there are times when I really don't want to hear about your day or the stuff that you're dealing with in your life. I'll tell you I want you to be honest with me, even if it hurts - but I really only like the honesty that makes me feel good, or doesn't challenge me. We have become experts at wearing masks, pretending that our lives are all together and we don't mess up other then the same things that everyone else struggles with. We tend to give these pious answers such as "Oh, pray for me, I'm struggling with pride, or selfishness."
Now, let me clarify that I am not bashing such requests or saying that they do not exist. But it's like we've put honesty in a nice little box and we never actually spill out the issues in our lives. It's not pretty to say "I've cheated on my wife, I like stealing from my company, I have played out in my mind a million times how I would kill that person I hate." Those are the kinds of truth we don't want to know about people, because it's messy - and it requires work above just the quick "please let Bob be less selfish, or Judy to not be so prideful."
I do not believe that in the name of honesty we should spill out every little thing that's ever happened to us or issue that we are struggling with. But as I look at my own life, I realize that it's really hard for me to be brutally honest with people, because I want them to think I'm this good Christian with my life all together, and my biggest struggles are just the standard - I have pride issues. But, it's not true...there is some ugly stuff that I have/am dealing with, and it's not pretty, and people don't like to hear about it, because it's messy.
I suppose you may completely disagree with me, which you are entitled to do. But I have a feeling there is more then just me who likes the candy-coated honesty that we have gotten used to. I am going to guess that we tend to judge the people that are honest about their lives and it's not really pretty. I'm also going to hope that you will try to live without your mask, even though it's painful - and let other people see that you are a real person who struggles with real issues. My prayer is that I will become more honest, even when it makes me look bad, my prayer is that you will do the same.
Labels: Controversial Issues