Friday, September 30, 2005
not like the normal "she's lost her marbles messed in the head", more like an extreme head cold that is making me feel like I must be dying, and quite sure that my head may just fall off any moment. On an amusing note though, my new voice that came with the sickness is quite funny to say the least - I could make any grown man cry at the beauty of it's depth. However, I have a soccer tournament to play in tomorrow, and stuffy heads and gruff voices don't really cut the deal. So, I've been resting up, eating lots of drugs - which lends to a happy go lucky effect, despite the fact that my head may blow any second. I've also resorted to sleeping in, listening to music, and ocassionaly trying to deter my pain by watching gory dvd's - such as CSI season something.
I can only watch CSI though if someone is with me and the lights are all on, otherwise I get a little frightened and nighmares result from seeing decapitated people and dead bodies. I would love to be a detective or something, but the blood and guts would get to me, after like 5 seconds, so I ruled that off my to be list, which is gettign shorter and shorter as we speak, due to the high levels of blood and guts involved in most office jobs.
I've also figured out that better you become at pretending you at dying, the more attention you get, that is as long as you don't overdo the entire acting thing. I say this as my newspaper sits beside me, my drugs and drinks within arms reach and a little child running around to get me another pillow or something:)
I can only watch CSI though if someone is with me and the lights are all on, otherwise I get a little frightened and nighmares result from seeing decapitated people and dead bodies. I would love to be a detective or something, but the blood and guts would get to me, after like 5 seconds, so I ruled that off my to be list, which is gettign shorter and shorter as we speak, due to the high levels of blood and guts involved in most office jobs.
I've also figured out that better you become at pretending you at dying, the more attention you get, that is as long as you don't overdo the entire acting thing. I say this as my newspaper sits beside me, my drugs and drinks within arms reach and a little child running around to get me another pillow or something:)
Monday, September 26, 2005
Life is so freakin twisted and wierd sometimes....that is all I can say. Sometimes, you just gotta take a step back and laugh, cause wow - if I was incharge of making the world - I don't think even I could come up with such an odd plot at times.
I never can say that life is boring or uneventful, which I guess is a positive thing...right.
I never can say that life is boring or uneventful, which I guess is a positive thing...right.
I went to bed last night at about 12:00, and woke up at 12:00 this morning. I stayed up for about an hour, and then I went to bed again, and got up at 2:30. After going for a run (in which I almost died by the way), I am still tierd. So yah, the lazy no job life continues.
On an odd note, my work called me this morning, asking me to come back. They offered me pretty much any position in the company if I would come back - I said I wanted Ellen's job. Just kidding, I didn't say that, but if they call again, I might. Actually, I politely declined and said that if I changed my mind I would let them know, but as of right now, the answer was no.
On an odd note, my work called me this morning, asking me to come back. They offered me pretty much any position in the company if I would come back - I said I wanted Ellen's job. Just kidding, I didn't say that, but if they call again, I might. Actually, I politely declined and said that if I changed my mind I would let them know, but as of right now, the answer was no.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Well, for me it was very brave....okay, a whole lot of brave....big steps. Basically, I quit my job today. Some of you who have talked to me, know that my job has been extremely stressful as of late, and by stressful I do mean stressful. There where a lot of issues with management, overloading of staff, and not proper training. So, recently I decided it was not a good thing for me to continue my employment at Ferro & Company, so I quit.
I must say, it is a very odd feeling to be jobless, I don't remember the last time that happened, maybe cause it hasn't before. I know, all the experts say that you are not suppose to quit without having another job lined up, but I pretty much broke all the rules.
I gave my two-weeks notice this morning, once they found that they could not convince me to change my mind, they pretty much pushed me out the door. So, there is no two-weeks invovled.
As trying as working at that office was, I learned a lot - valuble lessons. I would like to say I learned how to be successful at life, or rock at law, or something along those lines. But, I learned moreso, about my pride issues, how I do not deal well with people, how sometimes you gotta take the blame even if it wasn't your fault. I learned what happens to me when I am stressed (basically, think of a porcupine on steriods...not pretty), I learned that you need humility, and that sometimes wet behind the ears people think they know a lot, but they really don't....that is a hard lesson. I learned that money really doesn't play a factor into your job, cause no matter how much someone pays you, burning out for that amount is never worth it. I learned that even when things look bad, God has a plan and purpose....I just gotta let him work that out.
So, at the end of the day...in 20 years I will have a great story to tell my children...and I will laugh when I look back, laugh and think - why the heck did I stay as long as I did:)
I must say, it is a very odd feeling to be jobless, I don't remember the last time that happened, maybe cause it hasn't before. I know, all the experts say that you are not suppose to quit without having another job lined up, but I pretty much broke all the rules.
I gave my two-weeks notice this morning, once they found that they could not convince me to change my mind, they pretty much pushed me out the door. So, there is no two-weeks invovled.
As trying as working at that office was, I learned a lot - valuble lessons. I would like to say I learned how to be successful at life, or rock at law, or something along those lines. But, I learned moreso, about my pride issues, how I do not deal well with people, how sometimes you gotta take the blame even if it wasn't your fault. I learned what happens to me when I am stressed (basically, think of a porcupine on steriods...not pretty), I learned that you need humility, and that sometimes wet behind the ears people think they know a lot, but they really don't....that is a hard lesson. I learned that money really doesn't play a factor into your job, cause no matter how much someone pays you, burning out for that amount is never worth it. I learned that even when things look bad, God has a plan and purpose....I just gotta let him work that out.
So, at the end of the day...in 20 years I will have a great story to tell my children...and I will laugh when I look back, laugh and think - why the heck did I stay as long as I did:)
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I hit a racoon, and instantly felt horrible. See, I was driving home from piano, listening to Sarah McLaughlan (sp?), and driving fast, when suddenly I saw two racoons talking to each other on the side of the road, I was going much too fast to avoid them, and the one racoon, who I named Bob, ran right under my tires. There was a loud thump, and I kept driving. Then, I got about a kilometer down the road, and I felt guilty, so I went back to see if it was alive. I saw a lump of furry stuff, I felt bad, turned around to go hit it again just incase it was still breathing, and the furry lump was gone. So, either I missed the spot, or he moved.
So, I feel entirely guilty about hitting an animal, and I just thought I'd let you know.
So, I feel entirely guilty about hitting an animal, and I just thought I'd let you know.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
I am restlest tonight, fingers tapping a forsaken tune out on these old keys, trying to keep up with the thoughts racing through my head. They never told me life could be this twisted; pushing you under the water so many times that you forget where the sky is. It seemed so easy before, sandboxes and dolls, as if life was some joyful occasion that floated you through your existance. Somehow, between now and then, reality struck and the picture that you had painted before became blury - maybe it was those tears in your eyes again, clouding your vision, obstructing the end goal. On paper it all seemed so simple, you grow, you laugh, you chose, you love, you live, you die. It also seemed less adventerous on paper, so clearcut and there.
Seomtimes I wonder if I would really change it if I could. If I would sacrifice the unknown for some simple calculation. Today, I think I would, just to know.
I hate how life can sap the joy out of us...I thought that today as I listened to yet another sermon about the trials and hardness. Oh yes, I will be the first to admit that it's hard, but at the same time, where is the joy people....I need some of that joy right now....and I hope it does not elude me for long.
Seomtimes I wonder if I would really change it if I could. If I would sacrifice the unknown for some simple calculation. Today, I think I would, just to know.
I hate how life can sap the joy out of us...I thought that today as I listened to yet another sermon about the trials and hardness. Oh yes, I will be the first to admit that it's hard, but at the same time, where is the joy people....I need some of that joy right now....and I hope it does not elude me for long.
Friday, September 16, 2005
it is interviewing an entire family who lost their father in a car crash. It's asking questions, such as.....where you close to your father, was your father a drinker, did your father ever abuse you, what was your last memory of your father, and how did it feel to lose your husband of 31 years.
Those are really tough questions on a good day, but a whole lot tougher when the family is all crying and telling you things about their dad. I admit, I started tearing up, it was really hard - and awkward also. It was likebuttin in on someone's private life, a life that they had to hide because it hurt too much to deal with - and then me, a junior law clerk with pretty much no experience, has to come barging in with my smile and yellow note pad and ask all the tough questions. Not something I want to do everyday, that's forsure.
On a happy note though, I managed to notice something on the above noted client's file - which will in turn get them close to $75,000.00 at least. So, that was a positive thing and made me a bit of the hero:)
Other then that, my day was good, England like really - with the weather and all. I think I might call in sick next Tuesday, due to a major overbooking once again in my schedule and like 6 meetings, some of them overbooked - rah rah:)
Those are really tough questions on a good day, but a whole lot tougher when the family is all crying and telling you things about their dad. I admit, I started tearing up, it was really hard - and awkward also. It was likebuttin in on someone's private life, a life that they had to hide because it hurt too much to deal with - and then me, a junior law clerk with pretty much no experience, has to come barging in with my smile and yellow note pad and ask all the tough questions. Not something I want to do everyday, that's forsure.
On a happy note though, I managed to notice something on the above noted client's file - which will in turn get them close to $75,000.00 at least. So, that was a positive thing and made me a bit of the hero:)
Other then that, my day was good, England like really - with the weather and all. I think I might call in sick next Tuesday, due to a major overbooking once again in my schedule and like 6 meetings, some of them overbooked - rah rah:)
So tonight, I was on my way home from work, and I saw the blood donor sign - and suddenly I realized, wow, I've never given blood before. So, I decided I should do that, cause after all "Blood, it's in you to give":)
So, my dad and I headed off to the clinic. Awesomely, I didn't faint, or vomit, or spew blood everywhere, it actually happened to quite a clean and straight forward proceedure. I had good blood pressure, I filled a bag of blood (somehow that sounds morbid) in 5 minutes which is apparently good or something - and then I was rewarded with a pin and coke.
I got a little nervous and squimish when I drove up and there was the big truck to carry the blood away, like if you actually think about that - ewww gross, people's blood in bags all packed together - but otherwise I was quite fine, thank you:)
So, my dad and I headed off to the clinic. Awesomely, I didn't faint, or vomit, or spew blood everywhere, it actually happened to quite a clean and straight forward proceedure. I had good blood pressure, I filled a bag of blood (somehow that sounds morbid) in 5 minutes which is apparently good or something - and then I was rewarded with a pin and coke.
I got a little nervous and squimish when I drove up and there was the big truck to carry the blood away, like if you actually think about that - ewww gross, people's blood in bags all packed together - but otherwise I was quite fine, thank you:)