Z SoccerChic9: I am a perfectionist...
Monday, November 06, 2006
Normally I would use that title as an excuse. "I'm sorry I just freaked out on you over nothing, but I'm a perfectionist," or "I'm sorry you can't understand my view and find me harsh, I have high goals because I am a perfectionist."

I have realized that in my life I often justify things because I don't want to change them. Such as my perfectionist attitude. I've tried to not demand perfection from people around me, yet my inner harsh critic that rips apart anything I do and does not allow me to take a compliment on an issue, has started leaking out. I have realized that I am starting to judge people by my own perfectionist standards, and what is worse is that I justify my actions because I have this belief that I should be striving to be perfect in all things.

I'm the type of person that writes a book about conquering yourself and thus conquering the world. I expect perfection from my self, so I do not understand it when people settle at a lesser level, or are content with where they are at. Honestly, it boggles my mind. I would say on paper that you should learn to be content in every situation, however, never satisfied with where you are at, and always pushing to be better.

However, it is very hard to learn contentment, when you are never satisfied and become consumed with pushing towards perfection.

Those of you who are not perfectionists, are shaking your heads at this post. It blows your mind and you really don't understand how someone can be so obsessed with the impossible. However, I know there are some perfectionists who will read this and ask the question: "What is wrong with seeking perfection, are we not called by God to be like Christ and Christ was perfect?"

I believe there can be a healthy balance on this subject, I also believe that I have totally warped my world with this thinking.

Let me ask you this: "What is your view of God?" "When you think of God, what do you think of?" Some of you will say love, forgiveness and so forth...the perfectionist side of me sees God as more of a dictator, expecting perfection and never being happy with what I do.

Isn't that a horrible view of a loving and generous God. When I read my view of God, I cringe a little on the inside, because I have imposed my perfectionist view on not only other people, but I have put it on God. Thinking in this kind of mind set can make my religion become a works religion because I am striving towards perfection, and not letting God's love and forgiveness take that load off of me.

I write this to myself..."Do not use an excuse, such as I am just a perfectionist, as a reason not to change"


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