Monday, November 27, 2006
Do you ever feel that you are living your life on pause? Almost as if you are existing in the present, but you are constantly waiting for the next stage of life. It's not that you necessarly aren't happy with where you are at in this moment, it's just that you're always talking about the next thing...whether it be that trip you want to make, travelling the world, having a serious relationship, getting married, going back to school, making a career change, developing a closer relationship with God, etc. Suddenly, one day you are sitting working late, and you realize that your head isn't so much in there here and now, it's in the next 5-10 years. You've stopped really living the moment, you're living your future.
I do this. I live with the future always on my mind, and the next step being anticipated. Instead of being content with where I am now, or truly enjoying each moment that I am given, I jump ahead of myself. I used to be a five-year plan kind of girl, I knew what was happening, where I was going, and I liked it that way. Then God took that away from me, and I was left unsure because I had lost my security blanket. I'm learning to live in the moment, to enjoy today's sunset, the great song that I heard on the radio today, the fact that I get to go home and have devos and develop a deeper relationship with God. I'm trying to take a breath, one step back, and just reflect on today, not tomorrow, not my five-year plan (which doesn't exist anymore).
Long and short of it...I'm learning to live again.
I do this. I live with the future always on my mind, and the next step being anticipated. Instead of being content with where I am now, or truly enjoying each moment that I am given, I jump ahead of myself. I used to be a five-year plan kind of girl, I knew what was happening, where I was going, and I liked it that way. Then God took that away from me, and I was left unsure because I had lost my security blanket. I'm learning to live in the moment, to enjoy today's sunset, the great song that I heard on the radio today, the fact that I get to go home and have devos and develop a deeper relationship with God. I'm trying to take a breath, one step back, and just reflect on today, not tomorrow, not my five-year plan (which doesn't exist anymore).
Long and short of it...I'm learning to live again.