Sunday, August 27, 2006
Let me just say, it takes a lot to make me uncomfortable in a church. I would say this is based on the fact that I have grown up in churches my entire life. Well, tonight in the matter of five seconds the Baptist church I attended accomplished making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. As much as I pitied any person who happened to casually walk in there and had never attended church before, I must say I found the entire experience rather humorous.
It all started with lady #1. I was sitting about five rows from the back, and observing the church....and this lady walks up to me and introduces herself and welcomes me. I was all appreciating the fact that she was going out of her way to say hi...until she opened her purse and started trying to convert me....once I was able to get a word in edgewise and find the ladies face behind all the tracts and booklets, I told her I already was saved. She smiled all relieved, and left. I just figured she was over zealous....until the next five people who came up to me, barely asked me my name before asking if I was saved and had prayed the prayer. I was starting to get a little weirded out.
Well, this guy most likely in his 20's, shows up and after asking me the saved question, asked if he can sit by me. I said sure....very unenthusiastically - and he took his place. So, the pastor gets up in front of the church and asks if there were any prayer requests. Immediately one of the ladies puts up her hand and says "I want to introduce Mary to our church." About 120 people turn in their seats to look at me, I did my best impression of a smile, and was just waiting for the pastor to ask the saved question...instead he commented on my smile, asked if I wanted to come up to the front and sing or dance (I turned it down by the way), and then had every one wave at me and say in unison "Hi Mary". Yup, completely awkward.
Well, the dude beside me wanted my address and phone number....I managed to get out of it.....because I could only imagine the entire church showing up at my doorstep the next morning. We finished singing one of the songs....sat down, and the dude leaned over and said "I am sure you have heard this a million times, but you have the voice of an angel". I thought I was going to die laughing....but managed to squeak out "No, I haven't heard that a million times."
I managed to get out of the church with only three requests for my contact information, a lecture on how I should go to one of the three prayer meetings they have during each week - and a request from the dude for me to let him know if I am at one of the prayer meetings so that he can come and meet me.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is an awkward church service.
It all started with lady #1. I was sitting about five rows from the back, and observing the church....and this lady walks up to me and introduces herself and welcomes me. I was all appreciating the fact that she was going out of her way to say hi...until she opened her purse and started trying to convert me....once I was able to get a word in edgewise and find the ladies face behind all the tracts and booklets, I told her I already was saved. She smiled all relieved, and left. I just figured she was over zealous....until the next five people who came up to me, barely asked me my name before asking if I was saved and had prayed the prayer. I was starting to get a little weirded out.
Well, this guy most likely in his 20's, shows up and after asking me the saved question, asked if he can sit by me. I said sure....very unenthusiastically - and he took his place. So, the pastor gets up in front of the church and asks if there were any prayer requests. Immediately one of the ladies puts up her hand and says "I want to introduce Mary to our church." About 120 people turn in their seats to look at me, I did my best impression of a smile, and was just waiting for the pastor to ask the saved question...instead he commented on my smile, asked if I wanted to come up to the front and sing or dance (I turned it down by the way), and then had every one wave at me and say in unison "Hi Mary". Yup, completely awkward.
Well, the dude beside me wanted my address and phone number....I managed to get out of it.....because I could only imagine the entire church showing up at my doorstep the next morning. We finished singing one of the songs....sat down, and the dude leaned over and said "I am sure you have heard this a million times, but you have the voice of an angel". I thought I was going to die laughing....but managed to squeak out "No, I haven't heard that a million times."
I managed to get out of the church with only three requests for my contact information, a lecture on how I should go to one of the three prayer meetings they have during each week - and a request from the dude for me to let him know if I am at one of the prayer meetings so that he can come and meet me.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is an awkward church service.