SoccerChic9

It's been a while...

2008-06-05T14:02:00.018-05:00

Life has been a whirlwind of activity, and somehow blogging wasn't on the top of the list of things to do. Funny how that is. I've noticed that since the take-over of Facebook, people's blogs seem to have been put on the back burner. Then again, when in just a few minutes I can find out the relationship status of my friends, see their updated pictures, read their profiles, and now chat...really blogging might just be a thing of the past.

However, here I am. I still find something therapeutic about writing, or maybe I'm just bored.

One of the exciting and awesome things that I did recently, was visit Europe. Jello and I spent 10 days in Paris, Rome and Switzerland. We completely packed the ten days that we were there, and loved every minute of it. Jello is one of those few people that I can travel with and not kill. We have this ability to sense when the other person needs their space. Sure, I still drive her crazy with my singing...but at the end of the day, we survived being with each other 24/7 and are still friends now.

I'm going to steal from Jello, and give you some random facts about Europe...or at least what I observed while there.

Random facts...

Countries visited:

Italy, Switzerland, France

Favourite of the 3:

Everyone asks this question, and I have a hard time answering it. Rome felt like a third-world country, which surprised me. It was very dirty, lots of beggars, and cram as many people on a bus as you possibly could. The sights were amazing, as was the food.

Switzerland was like a postcard. If you've seen the movie "The Truman Show" that pretty much sums up what it felt like to be there. It was like being on a movie set. Everyone smiled at the perfect time, everything was so clean and neat. I almost felt like I was polluting the place by being there. Then again, to live there is very expensive...to say the least.

Paris. I think I could live there...granted I would have to learn French, as people were very snobby there if you did not speak French. However, the city was beautiful, clean and sophisticated. The Eiffel Tower, as much as it's a total tourist spot...was beyond what I had imagined in my head.

Favourite line:

'That's so wag!' - by the young Australian boy we met at our Rome hostel, he was traveling with his family for a month!

Favourite food:

The meal we had in Rome was amazing. This amazing bread with olive oil and fresh tomatoes, and this pasta dish...with wine of course. So good.

Favourite landmark:

I think I would have to say the Colosseum. It was spectacular. Although, The Louvre in Paris was pretty cool to be in. Just the fact that I was seeing all these paintings that I grew up studying was a very cool experience. Oh, and the Sistine Chapel...I love Michelangelo's work...okay, so much for just one favourite landmark.

Languages encountered:

Italian, Spanish, French, Dutch, German, Swiss-German

Lanuages that I knew:

None well enough.

Train rides taken:

2 - 12 hours to Zurich, and 4 1/2 hours to Paris

Pictures taken:

1400??

Best Dressed:

This lady:

The One: A face behind the numbers...

2008-03-17T12:28:00.011-05:00

All that is needed for evil to triumph, is for good people to do nothing.

We live in a broken world, of which I am constantly reminded. I think it is God's way of reminded us that this is just a temporary place. In the past six months I have started working for an international human rights organization. This job has exposed me to what I would consider the face of evil in this world. That might seem like extreme language, but the stories that I have heard, the people I have seen affected by this has just brought me face-to-face with the stark reality of evil.

So often we are overexposed to evil in the world. Statistics such as, there are 27 million people in bonded slavery today, really doesn't mean much to us - it's just a large number, overwhelming if we actually stop to think about it. I think it's not until we know about "the one" story of such a case, that we are able to really put a face to the numbers, and start to realize what statistics really mean.

I suppose this post may turn into a controversial issue...you see I was in Toronto a few weekends ago as part of my job. At the conference I was attending, I met some very wonderful people who are involved in human rights. These people are passionate individuals who are sacrificing their lives, talents, and time in order to fight the injustices or issues that they see as problems in our world in a very real and practical way.

If I was honest with you, I would tell you that it is hard for me sometimes to not get very upset with people who don't seem to care about the Darfur's and Rwanda's of our world - especially when these people are in the church. It's hard for me to not preach a judgement and condemnation session to people, in order to guilt them into reacting to what I am telling them. It takes a lot of biting of my tongue, to realize that I can't expect everyone to have the same burden as me, and I can't guilt people into a response.

For instance, there are times, when people start to tell me a story of an injustice, and i just want to scream "Stop, don't tell me," because I know what they say will forever impact my life, and I know after hearing it, I cannot be silent or stand idly by. I feel I cannot call myself a Christian, and turn a blind eye to this injustice.

You see, when I hear stories like Darci, who at 11 year's old was lied to, trafficking into a brothel, and for $200 her virginity was sold, and not only that, but this innocent girl who had never been kissed was raped 6 times that first night - and when she cried out in pain they taped her mouth shut.

When I hear of the little girl who was kidnapped from Korea, her arms and legs cut off by the gang members in order to keep her from escaping, and create a poor and helpless look for street begging - and then a year later her mother is walking down the street, and wonders why this beggar is clawing at her with her stubs, which should have been arms - and then suddenly realizes it's her daughter.

When I hear of the little children in Bolivia who live in the prisons with their families, and on Friday's they lay in the corners of the room from this outreach program curled up and crying, because they know the inmates will get drunk that night and rape them.

When I hear those stories, and the hundreds more - my heart breaks every time, and I believe that as a Christian, I must respond. I truly believe that it is not an option - when God says "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows," I don't think He was giving us an option. I don't think it was "Take care of the widows when it is convenient, and seek justice when it works into your schedule." I don't think he was saying "Love your neighbour, unless it requires you to get your hands dirty, then you can pass."

No, I think he was pretty clear - as Christian's it is our job to not only care for the widows and orphans, but also to defend them.

I don't this post to come across as a condemnation of anyone who is not active in the circle of human rights...I just wanted to put my thoughts on a piece of paper. I guess I just want to put this out there, and hope that in some way it stirs your heart.

"Where is the washroom?"

2008-01-14T21:56:00.000-05:00

American's do not know what that phrase means. Twice in the past two days I have asked a variety of people where the washroom was located, and I was met with blank stares. Apparently, it's not American lingo.

Welcome to Washington, D.C., my location for the next week. I must say, landing in DC was kind of a surreal experience, in the sense of seeing a variety of things in real life that I had only seen in movies or on tv. For instance, there is a scene in Forest Gump that was filmed here, and the Capital Hill building is the back drop for Law and Order. I've seen the Lincoln Memorial in person, and the theatre where Lincoln was shot, and the house that he died in. I've seen the World War II memorial, Supreme Court, Union Station, and a variety of other important buildings. I'm loving the history aspect of it, and the fact that all the museums here are free.

Anyhow, other then the fact that no one knows what the washroom is, or the fact that they think I say about funny, my time in DC has been good so far. Sure, I feel a little out of place with all the business suits, blackberries, and constant rush, but I'm sure I can fake for a few days that I've got it all together, and am living in one of the top igloos in Canada!

Controversial Issues - Part 10 - Married for life?

2007-12-27T14:19:00.001-05:00

So, I asked a few people this question over the weekend, and it seemed to raise a few neck hairs, so I decided to make it a controversial issue post, just to keep everyone on their toes.

Here is the scenario:

There is a gay couple who got married, adopted some children, and then became Christians after 14 years of marriage. What do they do now? Does that make their marriage void? Was their marriage void in the first place? Should they get a divorce? Or should they continue living their life? What about the children? What is stronger, a marriage commitment, or not living in a way that dis-honours God.

I think you really have to start with what is the definition of marriage, and what makes it official. Is it when you stand in front of a group of people and express vows to each other, or is it the signing of the piece of paper, or is it when you make a commitment to live together and be committed to just your partner?

Now, I'm not going to give my opinion, and I realize that this question is somewhat narrow, as in you would have to look at this from a Christian perspective in order for this question to even really be an issue. However, that's the question of the day.

In case you're having a bad day...

2007-12-12T12:39:00.000-05:00

and because I am morbid, and so things like this make me laugh evily.

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled toinvestigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

Because it amuses me...

2007-12-03T17:10:00.001-05:00

Do people actually believe these things? I just got a chain letter, that claimed the following if I did not forward it on to 15 people that I knew. Apparently I am doomed, if something happens to me tonight, we all know that we can blame it on the chain letter, and in future I can become an example on the list:

First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky , up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.

Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a since 3rd grade. The next day after sending the chain the confessed her love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and married each other to live happily forever.

Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild! the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out ever since.

Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-

1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!

10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!

15 people- your crush will say they like you

20 people- your crush will ask you out!

25 people- your crush will kiss you!!

30 people - Your crush will have with you

35 people or more- All of the above!!

Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat room, pick some names and send away.

Something you should watch...

2007-11-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

Because unfortunately it's reality, and because we in Canada are in the top 5% wealth bracket in the world. We can choose to live in our little bubbles and view the world how we want to by painting it our people friendly colours, or we can open our eyes and ask ourselves the question: "What can I do to make a difference?"

15 Dollar Movie Link (click)

Controversial Issues Part 9 - No Respect

2007-11-19T12:28:00.001-05:00

November 11, 2007: "After singing our national anthem, we would like to take a moment of silence to remember the great men and women who gave their lives so that others might live."

It was the sound I heard from the pulpit not to long ago before the music started up for our National Anthem. As I grasped the microphone I had to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes, and try to calm my shaking nerves.

You see, on November 11th, I had the priviledge of singing the National Anthem during our church service right before 11:00. For some people, that may not be considered an honour, or even anything of note, but for me it was one of the greatest honours that I could be given, and I wore my poppy proudly as I sang our National Anthem in honour of the brave men and women who sacrificed every thing they had, and put their lives on the line because they so strongly believed in something and in the future generations. You see, they knew that they could die, and yet out they went and fought battles for people they did not know, endured the horrors of war, all so that future generations could live free.

A story that sounds somewhat familiar to me as I think of how Christ did the very same thing.

That blows my mind. That someone could be so dedicated to a country, or a cause, or a person who's name they never knew and face they would never see. That puts pride in my heart, and tears in my eyes.

You see, I had a hard time singing the anthem, because I was caught up in the emotion of how great a sacrifice someone made for me, just so I could live free.

Now, I had to wait a bit before I wrote this post, otherwise it would have turned into a blistering rant against all those people who did not show their respect or support. You see, there were some people who did not stand in the audience during the anthem, or in honour of the fallen soldiers. I don't know why, I guess it could be a variety of reasons...and as I inwardly seethed against the disrespect I felt was being shown, I had to ask myself some questions.

If tomorrow was declared a remembrance day for all the men and women who gave their lives by strapping explosive devices onto themselves and died for a cause that they believed in, or if tomorrow was a moment of silence at 11:00 for Hitler because he dedicated himself to a cause that he believed in, or Stalin, or the people responsible for the Rwanda Genocide...would I stand? Absolutely not...because I don't support what they did, and I think that their cause was one that ruined the lives of so many people.

So instead of this being a blistering rant against the lack of respect shown, I guess I'm extending a little grace, because I don't know why you didn't stand. Maybe you don't beleive in war, maybe you feel it could have been solved differently, maybe you lost someone and it hurts too much. Do I think you're wrong for not standing, from my side of the street - absolutely. Would I challenge you on it...forsure. Do I think there is a lack of appreciation for what people have done so that we could be here today...you bet there is.

But instead of running you over in the parking lot...I'll try to understand where you're coming from. But if you didn't stand just because you didn't feel like it...you better run start through the parking lots!

I hope parents teach their children why there are poppies being sold in malls and grocery stores around November each year. I hope people tell their children and grandchildren about why they are free today. I hope each year at 11:00 on November 11th, we all take a moment of silence, and honour those brave men and women...because if they didn't do what they did, we might not be here today.

And to those men and women...Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Normal: Is a setting on your wash machine

2007-11-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

I have come to the conlusion that normal really does not exist. Not in people, or personalities, not in relationships or acquaintences, and definately not in life. It exists merely as a setting on your wash machine - nothing more. So for all those people out there who are striving to be normal, I suggest you try a new goal in your life. Besides, the normal setting on the wash machine is rather boring - it doesn't create any grand explosions of bubbles, or surprises that turn into funny stories to tell at the next staff Christmas party.

It's been a while since I've posted, somehow the craziness of life has engulfed me, and resulted in a million things coming ahead of sitting down and randomly spewing my thoughts onto a public piece of paper.

For those of you who still read this, and my blog hits tell me there are a few of you (and it is at this point that I do not claim responsibility to any long-term mental damage that it has caused). Well, I've started a new job, to be exact I'm about two months into a new job. They haven't put me out with the weekly garbage yet, so I think that's a good sign.

I'm am absolutely loving it. The job has combined my passion for the abused, my love of law, and my goal to make a difference in the world all into one neatly packaged title.

I've also maintained my crazy schedule of having something on pretty much every night of the week through church involvement, volunteer projects, playing indoor soccer again, and all the fun things that life throws at an individual.

I'm enjoying watching my friends and family grow up - even if I do feel slightly immature and old when friends who are younger then me are getting married and having children! Then again...I don't think nuns are suppose to pursue things like that :)

All that to say, my life isn't normal, and I don't think I ever will be. One day, I will develop the art of stating my thoughts in one cohesive sentence. Until then, you get stuck with the rambling.

One Question...

2007-10-08T19:13:00.001-05:00

I recently watched the movie "Facing the Giants," which happens to be a Christian movie made by a church in the States. The story line focuses around the football coach and his journey through part of his life. There was one line of the movie that really struck me. It was at a point where him and his wife had been trying to have children for quite some time, and just could not get pregnant. After another visit to the doctor, in which it was determined that they were not pregnant yet again, the husband turns to his wife and says:

"If God never gives you children, will you still love him?"

I asked myself that very question, though I filled in the children part with something I really want in life right now, and I realized how often I don't trust God with the things I want the most. I also realized it was a lot harder then a quick yes to answer that question.

So, what about you...if God didn't give you what you want the most right now...would you still love him?

But...what kind of God is He?

2007-08-30T06:10:00.000-05:00

I grew up seeing God as a perfectionist. A rather distant person, who loved me in theory, but was more of a harsh dictator, then a loving father. I believed that I had to earn His love, and if I didn't follow His commandments or do what He wanted, then I wouldn't get what I wanted. I often spent my life trying to keep certain things in my hands, and not give them up to God, cause I felt like the moment I was happy, or really wanted something, I either would lose it, or would never get it in the first place.

I guess it was like the show Lost to me. The moment someone is in love, or happy on that show, it seems like something drastic happens. Either they lose the person they love, a polar bear attacks someone on an island (no idea how polar bears got there), the Canadian guy goes crazy and attacks people (must be an American show), or someone decides to find a guy and ends up accidently shooting the girl who the guy loves.

To me, that was life. If you wanted something, or loved something, then you were going to lose it. I've realized in the past few years, that my view of God is warped; however, I didn't seem to be able to change it. I'm actually not even really sure why I started thinking of God in that way.

God has started to show me, that I can never earn His love. That He loves me unconditionally, not based on what I do, or how I "earn" His love, but because I am His child. I am starting to learn what unconditional love truly is. I have done some crazy things in the past, things that I know would not please God or make Him happy, yet despite that He has blessed me. He has opened doors, gave me opportunities I did not deserve, and show me love despite the fact that over and over again, I mess up.

What is your view of God? Is it a harsh dictator who has turned His back on the world, and watches it fall apart and doesn't care? Or is He a loving father to you, who you can do nothing to earn more of His love, or make Him love you less?

I think when we start believing that the amount of God's love and blessing is determined on what we do, we have taken things into our own hands, and have started believing and following a works religion. I think that is the utmost of pride - thinking we can earn God's love. I'm not saying that our lives should not be changed, and the fruit be God honouring, but I really wondering how many people's view of God is extremely warped.

What is God to you?

Why I love Jello...

2007-08-29T08:39:00.000-05:00

Well, there are many reasons why I love her...but the last point on her recent blog post made me smile:

4 - I'm in love with my husband. (I'm also a little ticked at him for not showing himself yet. I'll get over that though) I love that he is going to love me for me. I love that he's going to give me hugs when I've had a long day at work. I love that he's going to be an awesome dad. I love that he's going to cook for me. (and sometimes I'll cook for him) I love that he's not going to compare me to the blonde bimbo walking past us in the restaurant....because he's only got eyes for me. I love that when the day comes, he's going to count our wrinkles and lose - because I'll have the mostest. I love that he's going to be...just be. Mine.

What girl doesn't want that. You rock girl!

But do we really?

2007-08-25T00:19:00.001-05:00

Do we truly believe that nothing is impossible for God? We say that God is all powerful, that he knows all things, that he has a perfect plan and purpose in everything. Yet, do we truly believe that. When someone we love is dying, do we trust that God will do what's best, and that nothing is impossible for Him? When that person we love doesn't know the Lord, do we truly believe God is going to touch their life in a powerful and amazing way? When our job is tough, our children turn their back on us, after four years of trying we still don't have kids, a sickness touches the ones we love, or a disaster shakes our world. In those moments, of greatest pain and hardship, do we trust that God has a perfect plan, and with Him, nothing is impossible?

I know I don't. I like to control things...and those of you who know me can testify to that. I like to know where my life is going five years in advance. I'll tell you that I believe God has a perfect plan and purpose in all things, but often I try to control all things. It's like I'll give something to God, tell Him that I believe he'll do the right thing, and five minutes later I'm trying to wrestle it from his grasp and claim it.

So often we pray for rain, but leave our umbrella's at home. We ask God for things, fully expecting to never receive them. I wonder what would happen if we started to ask things of God, and expect great things to happen. What would happen if I truly believed that God has my best interest in mind, and so I trust Him with my life, and that He will open the doors and close them where He sees fit. What if instead of just saying that I believe God has a purpose in everything, I started backing it up with my actions?

Why is it so hard for me to let go and give God what is His in the first place? Because at the end of the day, this isn't my apartment, or my car, or my money. This isn't my job, or my health, my family, or the people I love. It's God's, and he's just blessed me with it.

If someone gives you a great gift, that you never deserved, never dreamed possible, and was far greater then anything you could imagine. If someone died for you, so that you could live...wouldn't you want to share that love with people around you?

Controversial Issues - Part 8 - Everyone's doing it

2007-08-21T15:26:00.000-05:00

At the risk of being called old fashioned and out-dated, not that I really care to be honest, I figured I'd tackle one of the most controversial issues yet in my controversial thread of topics. This thought has been sitting in the back of my mind for quite some time, and it recently came back to the forefront this week.

You see, I was sitting in Chapters with a good friend of mine. I was browsing the "House and Home" and "Hairstyle" section, while he was reading XBox magazines. Somehow, I'm afraid that whole sentence makes me sound quite girly. Anyhow, as he flipped through his magazine, he came to the back of the magazine only to realize that there were quite a few pages advertising porn, and adult call lines. Now, he was offended by the fact that they would put that type of advertising in a magazine that young children would be looking at, and a magazine that had nothing to do with porn. I kind of brushed it off, because I can understand the marketing behind it. After all, it's a mainly guy read magazine, it seems to make sense to use woman to sell it...that seems to be the trend of marketing in our society right now.

It was in that moment that I realized again that I have become so desensitized to the entire porn and woman bodies used to sell things that I pretty much have just come to accept it. I feel that the entire porn subject is totally avoided in church circles as the large elephant in the room that we don't dare discuss, and anywhere else it's just accepted that all guys are going to watch porn, check out woman's, make woman into trophies and rate their worth based on what they look like or can do.

Now, I'm not trying to say this is just a guys issue. I know there aren't as many girls who are addicted to porn as guys, but they are definitely out there. Not to mention, we are the girls who let ourselves be rated, become trophies, or believe that our purpose is to put out and please guys. We dress and act in a way to attract men, as if our very validation comes from how many guys heads turn when we walk down the street.

I believe that we have all lowered ourselves to a level below what we deserve or should have. You see, I think we need to stop settling for what we feel is the norm.

What would happen if girls stopped dressing to turn heads, but instead to show their feminity in a attractive an non-sexual way. What if guys stopped treating woman as objects, and sizing up every girl that walked by them. What if they stopped viewing girl's bodies as public property, and girls stopped viewing guys as objects to validate themselves. What if when a guy actually was with a girl, and he held her hand and told her she was beautiful, he didn't have any ulterior motives of getting something from her. And he honored her because he valued her.

I'm sorry, maybe it's just me, but when a guy tell me that I'm hot, and then turns around and checks out the girl behind me, or expects me to give something in return because it's my job. I'm not really flattered.

What if we all stopped ignoring the large elephant in the room, and started addressing it. What if we called each other to higher standards, to treating people as real human beings not objects. I don't know how much more degrading you can get, then when you turn a woman into an object to please your desires. In that moment she no longer becomes a person, she is just an object, and you have treated her as such. The same goes for guys. So often I hear girls walking around talking about who's hot and who they want. How degrading, to reduce guys to objects that we go after to please ourselves, based on their looks.

There are enough studies that have been done that show that watching porn, or the variety of things that run along those lines is very detrimental...especially when you are in a real relationship some day and married to the man or woman of your dreams. Memories don't die, especially when they are burned into our mind with pictures. And please...don't tell me that you have needs that you just have to fill, and justify it that way.

I know some of you will agree with what this post says in words...however, in actions you won't back up what you say is right. I'm sick of guys viewing girls and treating them as objects...I am sure guys can say the same thing about us girls. I'm also tierd of people who pretend this isn't a problem. Stop settling...open your eyes and don't candy-coat the world because it's easier to deal with that way.

But those are just my thoughts...and I'm just a girl preaching to the choir.

Controversial Issues - Part 7 - User Friendly

2007-08-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

I have been mulling over an idea in my head for a few weeks now, and to be honest I haven't come to a complete conclusion on this subject. My question is, has the church become too user friendly?

A big part of why this question came to the forefront of my mind recently, was due to a speaker we had in our church a few weeks ago. He is the pastor of a church plant that meets on Friday nights. The reason they meet Friday nights is due to the fact that many people work Sunday's and cannot make church, so they wanted to make it more convenient and accessible for people to attend church.

Now, something in that entire process stuck out in my head. I do believe the church should be reaching out to those around them. I think that if your church is not growing, you really need to ask some hard questions as to how you are doing things. We have been commanded by God to reach out to those around us, and spread the good news of the Bible. However, I feel like perhaps we've tried to make our churches so user friendly that we have watered down our convictions or tried to do away with having convictions on controversial topics in order to not offend. We've tried to make the church service something for non-churched people to feel comfortable in. We've brought in entertainment, shaken up the order of service, cracked more jokes, and focused on engaging people.

I'm not in any way condemning the church for having services on Friday evening. I don't believe that the day of the week is the most important, I think it's just important to be setting aside a day for God, and living out each day for God. We shouldn't be trying to fit God into our lives where we have space, but rather be living our lives with Christ at the center, and everything else rotating around that.

At the end of the day, Christianity is not convenient. It's not meant to be easy. In fact, there are numerous Bible verses that talk about being persecuted for your faith, or having to sacrifice things that you hold on to in order to serve God better. It kind of seems like we might be giving out conflicting messages when we try to bring church to the world's level, instead of teaching people that God is a holy God that demands respect.

I'm not saying by this that I think we should walk around with long serious faces, and never have fun. I truly believe there is great joy in knowing that your future is secure in God. I think that there is also a balance when it comes to church, you want people to be able to understand what is being preached, and be able to apply it to their lives. Like always there are two sides to the road, and churches must be careful not to fall into either side but rather balance along the center.

Because I can...

2007-08-10T00:18:00.000-05:00

I blame this song on Jello's country influence on me. I mean, I hate country - it's pretty much the only type of music I won't listen to. But, after being forced to stand for 8 1/2 hours in one spot to listen to 5 country musicians, and then travel for almost two weeks in a car with a country fan - a song or two may get stuck in your head. Now, realize that this is NOT me saying that I've become a country fan...it just means, this song reminds me of the road trip, and makes me wonder if guys like this still exist...or if it's just a country song, much like the chick flicks in which everything works out perfectly. I'll let you decide:

She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

This time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard

If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you

Day Eight: Never stay in Nanimo again...

2007-07-25T22:58:00.001-05:00

We had a wonderful day driving across the island. Of course there was lots of rain involved, as it had rained the entire time we were in B.C. pretty much. After a few stops at random places along the way...we decided to stay at a hotel near the ferry so that we could get an early start on the day. Well, we pull up to this hotel, and they gave us a great room rate, so we thought we'd go for it. We obviously forgot to read the small print on the contract that said "This hotel allows creepy 50-year-old men to stay in our rooms and bother our girl guests."

Well, we start to unload our car, only to notice that the room next to us has the door open, and is sitting in his bed watching us with his shirt off. Slightly weird if you ask me...but it is B.C., who knows...maybe that's normal. We get into our room, and Jello looks out the window to see this guy walking around our car and looking in it.

We decide to run out and get some supper, and creepy old man is standing on his front step watching us...but not saying anything. The moment we get into the car and go to leave the parking lot, he goes back into his room. Being subtle was obviously not his major in school.

We return, turn on the tv, get comfortable on our bed while eating..and suddenly there is a knock at the door. We both kind of freeze...and then Jello goes to look through the peep hole. Sure enough...creepy old man is standing at our door knocking. We didn't answer. In fact we both sat on the bed and looked at each other, and said "I'm not getting that." After three knocks he disapears. We then pushed the chair and luggage in front of the door and settled down for the night. He made a lot fo noise during the night, and called our room...but we managed to wake up alive. Thank you Jesus.

After leaving in the morning without seeing him...we made the combined decision, that we will never stay in Nanimo again, or at the hotel called "Departure Bay."

I am alive. The end.

Day Six and Seven: Surfs Up

2007-07-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

In the words of Jello: "I have a new addiction, and it's not drugs or alcohol...it's surfing. I am completely addicted." I could not say it any better myself. Surfing proves such a high, it's an absolutely amazing feeling. I am now planning my future vacations around surfing...as I cannot wait to do it again. We spent two days taking surfing lessons...and they were an absolute blast!

Surfs up...and I'm addicted!

Day Five: Keep both hands on the steering wheel

2007-07-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

I am presently sitting in this quaint little coffee shop in this small town in B.C., they happen to be one of the only places in the town that can pick up a wireless signal. Considering the size of the town, it's not really that surprising.

I can't really sum up the past few days, which involved long hours of driving from Medicine Hat to Tofino B.C., all part of our quest to learn how to surf. The scenery has been absolutely mind blowing. I can't even begin to describe it, and the pictures will never do it justice. All I can say, is make sure you drive through B.C. before you die. The combination of massive mountains, clear blue streams, and ocean creates a paradise. Every corner in the road that I turn, takes my breath away again, and I marvel at God's goodness and greatness.

Tomorrow we have surfing lessons booked on the beach. I totally cannot wait! I may be eaten by a shark, but I've already given Jello permission to bronze any remaining limbs and hang them above her fireplace.

The past two nights have involved sleeping in a two-person tent. I swear the makers of the tent were killing themselves laughing when they labeled it two-person. Let's just say it's very cozy...once you are in, you are not allowed to get out!

Day Three: City Chick at Country Farm

2007-07-17T00:52:00.000-05:00

There is one thing that city people rarely experience, and that is the ability to stand outside and hear absolutely no traffic, no people noise, nothing directly or indirectly associated with the city. However, on Jello's Uncle's farm in SK, that very experience can be had. I hold to the fact that I believe that the farm is one of the most peaceful and relaxing places I've ever been. I also hold to the fact that we always get steak when we go out there, and I don't believe I've ever had bigger or better steak.

Today started slowly, and I quite enjoyed sleeping in and not having to rush around. After running some errands, and browsing through Chapters while planning our road trip to B.C., but also our future plans to hit up Europe, we headed out to the farm for the afternoon.

The moment you pull into the driveway, time ceases to exist in that place. We had an amazing supper, complete with the largest steaks ever. Then we went to check out the cows, and feed them, and found kittens in the barn. I almost felt like a real farm chick, and then I saw frogs jumping around, and Jello thought there was a snake in the bush, and that brought me back to the reality, that I really am just a city chick, who can only pretend to be a contry chick :)

Good times on the farm though, and a great way to spend Day Three. Tomorrow we head out to The Hat, and then off to B.C. I can't wait!

Day Two: City Chick Becomes Country Hick

2007-07-17T00:42:00.000-05:00

Day Two started with a bang, and that bang involved Air Canada getting my luggage back to me. I must say, that was a relief, as I wasn't exactly looking forward to wearing the same jeans and t-shirt the entire two weeks I was travelling. In future I am going to go for the Michelin Man look, and layer my entire wardrobe on my body. That way, if my luggage does get lost, at least I'll have 3 weeks of clothing on me.

After picking up my long lost luggage, and having a joyful and tearful reunion at the airport, we headed out to Craven, a very small and dusty town in SK. Also, the home of the Craven Country Jamboree. Apparently, this is where all the country hicks come together each year for a massive weekend of country music.

For those of you who know me, I listen to every type of music, except for country, so this definitely was a ground breaking experience for me. I'm quite sure I stood out like a sore thumb, as I happened to be the only person not wearing cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, and singing along with the music. Then again, considering there were 24,000 + people there, they might not have noticed.

So, I've been to my first country concert, or should I say my first five country concerts. I have to admit, Carrie Underwood was quite decent, and Reba lived up to the rumours that she wears sequins. I haven't converted to country music, but after standing for 8 1/2 hours in one small spot in order to have good viewings of these concerts, I do believe my mind became quite numb and I might have even smiled during a country concert. But, those are just rumours, that haven't been confirmed.

That was day two folks, I went out on the edge, and experienced something new. Seems to be the theme of this two-week vacation.

Day One: Air Canada hates me

2007-07-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

I woke up Saturday morning, to a rainy damp day. The kind of day that you stay home all day, curl up on your bear skin rug in front of the fireplace and read books or watch tv while drinking wine. I told Justin that I didn't really feel like flying, because it just wasn't a flying day. If only I had a personal jet and could rebook such things.

Well, my gut feeling proved correct, it wasn't a flying day. My flight left the London airport over 4 hours after it was originally suppose to leave. My original flight had been delayed, then there were mechanical problems, and eventually it was cancelled as they need a part flown in from Toronto. The result was that all the unhappy passengers were transfered to the next flight leaving to Toronto. Which of course resulted in my connecting flight from Toronto to Regina to be rescheduled twice.

I arrived in Regina about 5-6 hours after I was suppose to originially arive. Only to find out that they had lost my luggage. I knew all the packing I forced myself to do an hour before I left London was a waste :)

After filing a claim, and getting an overnight package from Air Canada to tie me over till they found my luggage, Jello and I headed to her place. Thankfully I made it here in one piece, and really...there are worse things then wearig the same underware for two weeks...I think :)

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

2007-07-13T06:46:00.001-05:00

unfortunately, or fortunately, which ever way you look at it, I do know when I'll be back again. However, for those of you who don't already know, or who haven't already seen or heard my excitement, tomorrow I fly out of London and into Regina. Which starts my two week "road trip" from Regina, to Alberta, to B.C., where Jello and I are going to brave the cold water, monsterous sharks, scary beach boys and learn how to surf.

To say I am excited, would be an understatement; however, I tend to be one of those people who don't get my hopes up until the airplane has actually taken off, so that I am sure the trip is actually going to happen.

For all of you in London, you get a two-week break from me (you should all be celebrating over that thought) for all of you in Regina, Alberta, and B.C., you're gonna have to put up with me, and for that I apologize. I now understand why Scott agreed to bring me to the Calgary airport at 6:00 in the morning on the 28th, he just can't wait to get rid of me, and he will do whatever it takes :)

I'm slowly checking off the things on my list of, "Things to do Before I Die." As long as a shark doesn't eat me, I might actually get through some of this list :)

Today.

2007-07-09T06:38:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. It was then that I realized it's been quite some time since that's happened. To be honest, I'm having a really good day so far (even if it is 7:30 in the morning), and a lot of it has to do with yesterday being an amazing day.

You see, I woke up yesterday not wanting to go to church. I just felt tierd, and not into it. I kind of showed up with a bad attitude, I'm not going to lie. It was one of those, "Okay God, I'm not going to get anything out of this, so show up and show off, cause I'm not putting any effort into it." That was when God showed up...and through different circumstances throughout the day, and a sermon about how our faith needs to be what gets us through the storms of life, He showed off.

It never ceases to amaze me, that God bothers with people like us. That He takes the time to show up and show off for someone with a bad attitude who doesn't deserve it. That He gives second chances to people, or opportunities for me to see how my thinking has been wrong. I mean, would it not have been easier to strike me with lightning, or let me sulk in my bad attitude yesterday morning. But, He took the time, because He's God, and as much as all the junk in the world around me makes it seem to people that God is not a God of love - yesterday was just another reason why, I believe He is.

And so, as I start this beautiful Tuesday morning (I'm still skipping Monday's out of my week) I've got a smile on my face, and hope in my heart again.

Where have all the good guys gone?

2007-07-05T18:31:00.000-05:00

I used to be naive and delusional; then again I think most people can look in their past and say that about some point of their life. Sometimes I like to think that delusion was just being untouched by the world. We seem to think that the older we get, the more realistic we get, and I think it should be the other way around. I think the sense of humour, and delusion that we had as a child would serve us much better as an adult.

All that to say, I used to have high dreams of what I wanted in a guy. Now, I can hear you groaning already and thinking "All we need is another post from a bitter little princess who didn't get what she wanted in life."

I never was one of those girls who at five-years old was planning her wedding. To be honest, I don't really care what my wedding looks like; I just consider those minor details. I wasn't/am not one of those girls who wanted to get married as soon as she finished high school. I always thought that married by 30 was an appropriate age.

I used to want a guy that shared my faith, was responsible, a leader, had a sense of vision and ambition, good with kids, was able to carry a conversation (other then what was under the hood of the latest car), respected woman (none of this chick shopping and rating while with a girl), cared for people around him, passionate about life, patient, stubborn (my dad said it well, when he said I would need a guy more stubborn then me, or I would run him over), a protector, mature, but with the ability to act like a five-year-old at times, funny, someone I could talk to for hours, and so forth.

I mean, I thought these were fairly regular things to wish for in a man. I didn't think I was being completely unreasonable in my requests....sure there was the small points that I wanted him to keep my car full of gas and running, make salads, pack for me any time I had a trip, and have my car warm in the winter (building a garage counts). But, I would do everything else - just those four things that I really wanted :)

However, I am learning that it's best to be realistic when it comes to one's expectations of a man, and so, I am currently considering myself blest, if I end up with a guy who doesn't have five heads, is not a serial killer, does not have 44 1/2 children from his last 10 marriages, is not older then my dad with children my age (yes, I was asked out by a 43-year-old last week), is not the type of guy to honk and whistle at me when driving (truckers in rush hour traffic - not the best of gentlemen I've realized), does not come from Turkey (the land of boys who would date a garbage can if it had a chest), or have a criminal record longer then his arm.

I don't ask for much...but apparently I have high expectations...and they wonder why I want to be a nun.

So friends, my question remains...where have all the good guys gone. I am not bitter or cynical, though quite sarcastic most days...I've just resigned myself to the fact that nundom seems like a very attractive offer, not to mention, I get to wear a burka 24/7. No worries about bad hair days, or what to pull out of the closet.

For the rest of you, who have decided to brave the wild untamed world of boys...I wish you the best of luck. I'll hold your hand when it doesn't work, and read "Paper Bag Princess" by Robert Munch to you, when some boy breaks your heart. For those of you who survived the wild unknown...cherish what you have, it's a rare thing.

Despite all things...

2007-07-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

I've posted the song below on my blog before. However, it brought tears to my eyes tonight, as I sat here thinking of how so much hurt is taking place in people's lives around me. There are times when I feel completely empty, like I have nothing left to give - and yet in those moments God sends someone along to encourage me, or help carry the load. I don't deserve it, and yet God is gracious. I don't always understand His plan, in fact - I rarely do. When I hear people's stories, when I watch the world around me, I don't understand what God's plan is, but I refuse to give up my trust that he has everything in control. And so, with those thoughts in mind:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

Three Wishes...

2007-07-03T19:15:00.000-05:00

The other day my pastor said in his sermon...if you had three wishes right now, what would you pick.

I used to have trouble answering that question - I mean, if I could have anything, what would it be, there are so many options, things I could pick. However, when I thought about that question this time, the answer came to me immediately. In my head, I picked three friends that I wanted to be Christian's.

That's all I want right now, just for God to get a hold of three lives and change them in a drastic and miraculous way.

Taking for Granted

2007-06-19T11:03:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow...I will wake up in my comfortable bed, take a warm shower, spend 10 mins or so trying to decide what I should wear to work, because my closet is full...and I have way to many clothes. I'll get into my vehicle, stop by at Tim Hortons and grab myself some breakfast...get into my comfortable air conditioned office and work until lunch time. Then I'll go out for lunch with Andrea, cause that's what we do. I'll go back to work to finish off the day...then I'll get into my car, turn on the air condition...and drive up to the cottage for the weekend.

I'll most likely think about some of the tough stuff that I'm going through and how I really need a vacation, how I really should go clothes shopping and get some more stuff (like I don't have enough already), I'll think about what I should do for school in September, and if I should get a job at a big law firm and rake in the dough. I'll play some music, and think...wow, I really should get some newer speakers, and hook up a bigger sub.

I mean, the day may have some variations, but that's most likely what it will look like.

And then on a day like today, I'll stop and think about how much I really have, and how I take so much for granted. I'll think about how so many people go through way worse, have far less, hurt way deeper, and how most of those people never complain. I'll look at the things in my life that I consider to be tough, and I'll realize that they are just opportunities that God has presented to me, to challenge me, test me, and make me a better person...and really, they aren't that big of a deal.

I know for myself, I can get so caught up in the here and now - in the little things that seem so big in the moment. When really, when it put it all in perspective, when I see all the tough stuff that other people are dealing with, and when I realize how much I have been given...I am humbled and embaressed by the fact that I complain, and I take for granted, when I have every reason not to.

Today I am thankful for...

2007-06-12T11:19:00.000-05:00

I read Job today; where after he loses absolutely everything he had, he says

"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

That verse makes me want to cry everytime I read it. So often I complain about traffic jams, long line-ups, stressful days at work, all these small insignificant things. Then there is Job, who loses his family, all that he owns, his crops, and servants and animals...all on one single day, and he praises God. Puts me to shame, that I can get so worked up over such small minor things in my life.

So, on that note, today I am thankful for:

1) Some of the most amazing friends that God has put in my life right now. I have been so blessed, with people who care about me, who will listen to me when I need to vent, who will put up with me. It just blows me away. I know that if I ever am in trouble, or I'm just having a rough day, those people will be there in five...no two minutes, to make sure I'm okay. To be honest, what more can a person ask for from friends...they are great.

2) Family nights. Cause hey...everyone needs a family, and do have occasional family nights, that involve steak and movies...and way too much food!

3) The amazing weather right now...it's 28 out, and I get to admire it from my office window...oh and of course the air conditioning in the office!

4) Friends who entertain me by falling off chairs....or filling their car tires wiht a bicicyle pump, or being able to sing every single song ever created.

5) The ability to laugh.

6) That today is Wednesday (shhhh, don't disturb my dellusional world)

What's making your day today?

It's not me...

2007-06-10T19:24:00.001-05:00

it's God.

I get tierd sometimes, of hearing people tell me that I deserve better in my life. Like somehow I've done something to earn better treatment, or better things, or other various aspects. I haven't done anything to warrant better treatment, or more things, or a happier life. If you knew the real me, the person who is completely selfish and looks out for herself, the real Mary - I doubt you'd think I deserve more or better.

Anything good that you see in me, it's God. It's not me. The good in me, is God's grace, because I would never choose it on my own, I am not capable to showing true love, or grace, or any other good aspects.

So, before you think I deserve something better...just remember, it's God who deserves the praise.

One step at a time...

2007-05-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

I'm taking over London. Well, at least attempting. You see, yesterday I picked up a map of London from the tourism centre. I have decided that before I leave London (should I leave) I would like to cover every street in London. In order for it to count, I have to either walk, run, bike, or rollerblade each street.

The predictions as to how long it will take me are as follows:

Justin - 1 year and 3 months
Riley - 11 months
Andrea - 1 year and six months

So yes, that's my new goal, I guess we'll see what London has to offer. I'm sure my adventures will produce some interesting stories!

It's finally happened...

2007-05-18T09:30:00.001-05:00

I came home the other day. The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping...I almost expected a rainbow to pop out of the clear sky, and a parade to come down the street. Everything is sunshine and roses, the kind without thorns; or at least I thought.

You see, I have this habit, I get home from work...get out of my car...and go and check my mail box. Most days I'm somewhat disapointed, as it is completely empty, almost as if mocking me. However, on that particular day, I noticed there was mail, and I got a huge grin on my face. I mean, it's this perfect day, I don't have a care in the world...and now I have mail. What more could a girl want.

It was one letter, and as I picked it up, I realized in shock and horror that it had finally happened. There, printed boldly and brazenly across the envelope was the words "STILL SINGLE - WE WANT TO HELP" in bright big type. I realed back in shock, they had found me I realized.

You see, I had let down my guard. A week earlier I had gone to the grocery store, in grubby Saturday clothes, and bought one tub of ice cream, and they knew. They just knew I was single, and so they reported me. And now, the world is trying to fix me, like I have some kind of horrible disease. I may look like I'm okay...but deep down I'm crying...my cover has been blown. I am currently looking for a new residence in a different country. I've also booked plastic surgery.

Purpose...

2007-05-17T17:58:00.000-05:00

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reason in the moment, or even five years down the road, but I do believe it fits into an ultimate and master plan. That may seem like some giant conspiracy theory, and I suppose in some ways it is. There is an ultimate plan, and there is an ultimate being in control of that plan. Lucky for us...He told us what His plan was, and so we don't have to spend our lives guessing why. Not to say that we always understand the small workings or details...but we can rest assured they fit, they have a purpose.

I suppose I can look at some of the junk I went through, and see it as a trial, something that held me back, or caused me baggage...however, I'm trying to look at it as having a purpose, it seems less depressing that way. You see, if I had to struggle with a negative self-view and all the junk that came with that, just so I could relate to one girl who is struggling with some of the same issues...I think the pain it caused was worth it. If I had to lose people that I loved and trusted the most, so that I can understand what you mean when you tell me you're having a tough time with the ending of a relationship...then the pain was worth it. If I can witness and share my faith to one more person, and really connect and relate because of what I've gone through...the pain hardly seems like pain anymore. It seems like a blessing. Almost like I got lucky, cause God choose me to experience tough stuff, so I could relate to people.

Suddenly, my rough day...doesn't look like a trial...it looks like a blessing. Because when you tell me how you feel completely stressed out...I'll know what you're talking about.

I guess, it comes back to perspective...to seeing the bigger picture, and not getting caught up in the minor details and bumps in the road.

I'm preaching to the choir tonight.

It's all about perspective...

2007-05-10T16:07:00.000-05:00

If you were to walk up to me and tell me that life is extremely hard, and brutally tough, I would agree. I'll be the first to sing along with Coldplay..."No one said life was going to be easy, but they never said it was going to be this hard." However, the more I travel this pathway we've titled life, the more I realize that my perspective on things can make or break me. I've had to deal with some junk in my life, and really who hasn't, but at the end of the day, if I'm able to look back and be thankful for the things I learned, or how they made me stronger...then I think it was worth it.

There's a verse that says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I don't always see the plan, or even understand it...but I'm trusting that there is an ultimate plan, and it's a perfect one. And so, when life throws a curve ball, instead of becoming bitter over the pain of things that have happened to me, I'd rather move forward...cry a little harder, understand pain a little more deeply, laugh more, and live a life that honors God...despite the mess this life presents.

I suggest everyone take a midnight walk in the rain, jump in the puddles, and laugh because you're glad you're alive. It's all about perspective.

Was it enough?

2007-05-09T15:29:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder if you did enough? Three people I know died this Monday, all unexpected. One was a man that lives just across the street from my parents, I used to help him and his wife out all the time. The other was a father and son, who got killed in a head on collision. The common thread that they shared, was not only the day they died on, but the fact that they were all not Christians.

It's always moments like that in which you ask yourself, did I do enough. At least, those are the questions I ask myself. I had the same questions cross my mind when my friend committed suicide earlier this year. It makes me wonder if I'm living out my faith passionately enough. If, I'm getting involved in the lives of those around me and making a difference. Or if I've just become comfortable in the here and now, not looking forward or outward, but becoming so focused on myself that I miss the opportunities that are presented to me.

When was the last time you shared your faith with someone? When was the last time you stopped and helped someone around you? When was the last time you accepted someone into your life, even though they annoyed you?

Question of the day...

2007-05-01T11:47:00.000-05:00

Can humans love unconditionally?

Much time has been spent trying to define love. Countless people have attempted to describe what love is into words, and as much as some grand efforts and definitions have been put together, we are still left with the question of...what is love really. I mean, you can have a relationship with someone, think that you are in love with them, then the relationship ends, and you are left to wonder if you truly loved them, or if you imagined yourself to be in love.

I mean, your definition of love is going to be tainted by different experiences in your life, whether that be your view of your parent's relationship, your past relationships, your relationship with various people in your life, etc. So, how can we truly know what love is.

I believe that Christ is the ultimate example of love, and many people would reference Him as that. He lived out an example of love that cannot be surpassed or reached by a human.

However, this brings us back to the question: Can humans love unconditionally?

I am not sure what the answer is to that, although I would tend to side with the fact that they cannot. The closest relationship that I can imagine would show unconditional love, would be that of a parent to their child. Most parents will love their children no matter what they do, there is this bond created that other relationships do not have. Perhaps that is because the parents have created something...and hence have this immediate attachment.

Where as humans who try to create a relationship, I don't think can love unconditionally as relationships are often based on a variety of factors, and if someone were to be brutally honest with themselves, there is a self-serving aspect deep down inside them whether it be large or small.

Perhaps I am completely wrong about this...it wouldn't be the first time :) Maybe one day I will know the answer to this question, but for now...these are my thoughts...just words on a paper.

Officially the best...

2007-04-25T00:33:00.000-05:00

19th non-birthday cake ever. Props to Riley for getting me the best cake I think I've ever had (though the one my dad made when I was like 8, with the man who's coconut beard caught on fire during the lighting of the candles was pretty cool), and most likely ever will have. Totally made my non-birthday day. And just so you all can see, I've included a picture so you can see her.

I had a great day...some good times with friends and family...yay for turning 19!

Bob and I...

2007-04-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

So, the story goes like this...last night I came home from work, and as I was walking down my stairs, I noticed that the cover to the small cubby hole that holds the sun pump was off, and the light was on inside. I thought that to be rather odd, as I am the only one who uses the back door entrance, so I peaked in side to see if I could find out why it was open - only to come face-to-face with a racoon. I am proud of myself for not screaming, and also for getting into my house with him sitting there watching me. I talked to him about how mean it would be to jump at me and attack me, and he seemed to understand because he didn't make a move to bite my ankles.

I soon realized that Bob had no intentions of leaving his new home, and either I would have to get him to sign a lease agreement (which of course included a clause about him not attacking me when I walked by), or he would have to leave. The problem being, he was cornered, and I had no way of getting behind him to get him out. I did consider attempting to pick him up while he was sleeping, but it looked like he hadn't cut his nails in quite some time, and I rather not live my life with half my face missing because I was that dumb girl who thought she could pick up a racoon.

Now, I feel girly admitting this, but Ryan and Riley are certified racoon removers...or at least that's what they convinced me of, and since Bob wouldn't leave for me, even though I asked him nicely, they came over to help me out. Poor Bob, he really didn't want to leave, but after some gentle convincing, and Bob showing us his ninja skills, he chased Ryan up the stairs and across the patio...and then high-tailed over to the neighbour's house.

I was sure I'd walk out the door this morning and be greeted by Bob and his entire clan coming back for avengance, but I didn't see him around this morning. So, either he is plotting for some time this weekend, when Jello comes to visit, or he was scarred enough to never come back. I'm hoping for the later.

On a side note - Jello comes tomorrow, and I am so excited...you have no idea, it's been the high light of my life for like the last two months, and I cannot wait to spend time with her!!

All by myself...

2007-04-12T11:14:00.000-05:00

Now there are some definate advantages to living on your own, you get to make your own rules, leave your dirty laundry all over the floor if you want, sing out loud to music at any time of the day, and never do the dishes until they start crawling out of the sink.

However, there are some disadvantages to living on your own, which I have realized as I am on my second year of braving the wild world of independence all by myself. Here are a few reasons why you may want to re-consider the entire candy-coated dream of living on your own:

1) When you are sick, you just have to pray that you don't die all by yourself without anyone realizing, and have a cat eat your face or something. (I think I've been watching too much CSI).

2) You cannot blame anyone else for putting the milk container back into the fridge with only three drops of milk on the bottom. It's all your fault when this happens.

3) You can't guilt someone else into doing the dishes when they are crawling out of the sink with the legs they grew after four weeks of inhabiting the same space.

4) You can't get all excited over all the mail in the mailbox - you live on your own, just face it, all you get is bills.

5) When people come over and notice that your house looks like a hurricane hit it, you can't blame it on your room mate, we all know that you're a slob and you haven't cleaned your apartment since the last time your parents came for a visit a year ago.

6) There's no loose change laying around that you can "borrow" for pizza. Either you have it, or you don't...and more then likely, you're gonna have to skip on that pizza.

7) You don't get room mates concerned parents sending care packages with food in it, because they are afraid their child is going to die. You gotta actually open packages and make food for yourself.

8) You have to get used to laughing out loud, and then realizing that you are only going to be greeted by silence. It makes movies less funny somehow.

Now, that may sound depressing...and perhaps some days it is...but for the most part, living on your own can be pretty great! You may develop some weird habits, like sitting in corners and humming or singing to yourself...but don't worry, as long as you're maintaining some level of sanity, the world is a happier place!

Ways to annoy people...

2007-04-04T11:05:00.000-05:00

not that I would ever try to annoy people on purpose, I just have a bad habit of doing it without realizing it :) I figure if I give the same ideas to everyone...then we all have the same advantage...or something!

1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

4. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

6. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

8. Sniffle incessantly.

9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

11. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

12. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

13. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

17. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

18. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

19. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

20. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

21. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

22. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

23. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

24. Honk and wave to strangers.

25. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

26. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

27. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

28. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

31. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

32. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

33. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

35. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

36. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

37. Ask people what gender they are.

38. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.\

39. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

40. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

42. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

44. Sing along at the opera.

45. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

46. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

47. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

48. Never break eye contact.

49. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Dissatisfied with the norm...

2007-03-26T10:47:00.000-05:00

I have realized that humans have the ability to coast during their lives. I am not sure if this is a gift from God, or a task of the devil. You see, I am dissatisfied with my life right now, and yet I have been coasting in this state for quite some time. I have settled for the ordinary, because it is easier and more comfortable then pushing myself to attain a higher level.

Growing up in the church, you can learn how to go through the motions fairly quickly. You know all the arguments for why you believe what you do, you say the right things at the right times, and you convince people into believing that you have it all together. Learning these things over a number of years, means you can coast for quite a long time, without people realizing that you are just going through the motions. Sometimes, you become so good at it, that you even fool yourself into thinking that your relationship with God is a lot stronger then it actually is.

Until you stop and take a breath for a second, and realize that if you were put on trial for being a Christian, you really wouldn't have very much to convict you. I mean, once you take going through the motions away, what do you have left.

What makes you different and sets you apart? I don't care what you look like on Sunday, because everyone looks good on Sunday. I care about who you are on Friday night when you're hanging with your friends, or who you are when you're alone with your girlfriend in your car. I care about who are you are in the shower, when no one else is around and you have no reason to keep your mask on or impress people.

Today, I am sick of settling for a level that is so easy to attain and requires no sacrifice from me.

Mom for a weekend

2007-03-24T06:56:00.000-05:00

It is presently before 8:00 on a Saturday morning, and I have already been awaken by a 2-year-old who wanted to get up, taken two brothers to a 6:00 hockey game, fed and took care of the two-year-old, answered a million why questions by the same two-year-old and showered. This is the life of being a substitute mom for a weekend.

It is at times like this, that you realize how much your own mother did for you, and how much patience she really has. Suddenly I have a new respect for her, and at the same time I question my ability to ever parent children. Do you learn patience, or do some people have it and others don't? I'm hoping you learn it, because otherwise if I ever have children, they are going to be in so much trouble.

On an exciting note, between cleaning, helping children complete their Sunday school, running after various children, and all the other tasks that substitute moms have to do - I am planning on paintballing. It should be some good times. Don't worry, I won't be making the kids run around and trying to shoot them, I don't have patience, but I'm not that on the edge :)

Have a great Saturday folks - I am imagining that the entire world is still sleeping!

I am frozen...

2007-03-17T01:10:00.000-05:00

So, tonight we had a surprise party for Riley...good times all around. We went bowling, I realized I haven't been bowling in over a year at least...I think it was quite obvious by my score. But hey, an excuse for ice cream cake, laughing at a show of thriller, hanging out with good friends...means good times forsure. We played street hockey afterwards...so much fun. Though right now, I am completely frozen through...I may never un-thaw at this rate.

Great start to the weekend...and I get to sleep in tomorrow, so I am happy!

Controversial Issues - Part 6 - What is love?

2007-03-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

Shrek said it best "Ogres are like onions." Now, it may seem strange that I am pulling my thoughts on people from a cartoon movie, yet more and more I have realized that this is true (well, replace ogres with people perhaps :)).

You see, last night we had a bible study on 1 John, and we talked about how we are commanded to love people in our lives, and if we do not love we do not have Christ in us. Most of us tend to define love as, not hate. So, basically if I don't hate you, then I must love you. Yet, love is so much more then that, it's actively participating in actions that prove that you love someone.

I find this very convicting. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have been deeply hurt by people that were suppose to love me, or who I loved. The hurt does not just disappear over night, it's not like I rolled over one morning and thought, and “I love this person, despite what they did." I can generally forgive someone to an extent, and not be bitter about what happened...but to actively love them, that is where I fail. You see, I don't really pray for those who have hurt me deeply, other then perhaps for God to open their eyes to the damage they've caused. I don't pray that they will have a good day, or that they will feel God's closeness. Instead, I hold on to the pain, and justify not opening up to people in the future, because of what happened.

Now, I am not trying to lightly dismiss the fact that some people have been shattered by people who were suppose to love them, or claimed to love them. Trust is a big part of love, and it has to be earned in order for someone to truly open up to you.

At the same time, when I look at my own life, I use the hurt sometimes, as an excuse to not actively love, because I justify my reaction based on what was done to me.

Back to my onion comment...each person has layers in their lives...if I were to quickly define it; I would say each person has four general layers:

The outmost layer - which is the part of our personality that we reveal to the general public, and is the most superficial aspects of who we really are. Things such as weather, current events, etc.

The next layer - the part of us that we reveal around our friends and some acquaintances. More so, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions, and general thoughts about life.

Third layer - we tend to reserve this for those we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. These relationships tend to take time to develop, and over that time trust is earned. It tends to be your goals, personal problems, fears, etc.

Last layer - contains the part of ourselves, which we don't share with anyone. It is our deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts, that we rather not acknowledge to ourselves, yet alone others.

I guess what I am saying is...love is not easy, yet it is commanded. I think that people, especially in Christian circles, need to love each other, but also understand that love is based on trust. People need to earn that trust, which may require hard work, and active love, especially if that trust has been shattered in the past.

Cross this one off the list...

2007-03-07T12:18:00.000-05:00

I discovered last night, that my life's calling is not to be a badminton player. I didn't realize I could suck so bad at something, but last night definately proved it. I think all the people were secretly filming me and killing themselves laughing afterwards over pizza. I mean, I'd go to play on a court, and the entire court would clear...I thought it was because they were scared of my killer serve...but I don't think that was it. Thankfully a few people put up with me on their team, though I do believe it was out of pity and compassion. It was after all at a church, so I think they felt obligated to put up with the horrible new girl who couldn't hit a birdie if her life depended on it. I am sure they will all get a better place in heaven because of it!

But...I definately had fun...and I now realize that I need to play badminton more often, as to save myself the embaressment of last night :) At least I can now cross one thing off my career list!

I was thinking today, while driving to work - it would suck to get into an accident with a blood truck. I mean, could you imagine...you slam into the side of a blood truck, and suddenly blood is everywhere, and you don't even know if it's yours.

So yeah, avoid those blood trucks people!!

Thank goodness....It's March

2007-03-06T10:38:00.000-05:00

So, the dreary tough month of February is over, and already things are looking up. For starters, and definately my most exciting news....Jello is coming to visit. I get a huge grin even now when I say that, despite the fact that I've known for like a week now. I am so excited, to say the least. Anyone who has heard me talk about this, knows that fact to be true. I cannot wait for her to come,it defiantely makes April an exciting month. I mean, what more could a girl ask for...one of her best friends coming for her birthday :)

In other happy news, my friend Heather had her baby, a sweet little baby boy. I wish I was there to help her out and see the little guy, but I am just living through pictures right now. Also, my cousin just had her first baby, Jasmine - weighing 8 pounds 15 ounces...ouch. But, baby and mother are doing well, and I'm looking forward to cute pics!!

You get your life back...

2007-02-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

This song pretty much sums up my views on country music, thank you Rascal Flatts for suming up all country songs in one:

I was sittin' on a bar stool
In a barbeque joint in Tennessee
When this ole boy walked in
And he sat right down next to me
I could tell he'd been through some hard times
There were tear stains on his old shirt and he said-
"Ya wanna know what ya get when you play a country song backwards?"

Chorus 1:
Ya get your house back-
Ya get your dog back
Ya get your best friend Jack back
Ya get your truck back-
Ya get your hair back
Ya get your first and second wives back
Your front porch swing, your pretty little thing
Your bling bling bling
And a diamond ring
You get your farm and the barn
And the boat and the Harley
First night in jail with Charlie

It sounds a little crazy,
A little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get when you play a country song backwards

Well, I never heard it said quite like that
It hit me in the face
'Cause that's where I'm at
I almost fell flat on the floor-
He said
"Wait a minute, that's not all there's even more"

Chorus 2:
Ya get your mind back,
Your nerves back
Your first heart attack back
You get your pride back,
Get your life back
You get your first real love back
You get your big screen TV
A DVD and a washing machine
You get the pond and the lawn
The bail and the mower
You get to back where you don't know her

It sounds a little crazy,
A little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get when you play a country song backwards

[Instrumental Break]

We sat there and shot the bull
About how it would be
If we could turn it all around
And change this

Ya get your house back-
Ya get your dog back
Ya get your best friend Jack back
Ya get your truck back-
Ya get your hair back
Ya get your first and second wives back
Your front porch swing, your pretty little thing
Your bling bling bling
And a diamond ring
You get your farm and the barn
And the b oat and the Harley
First night in jail with Charlie

Ya get your mind back,
Your nerves back
Your first heart attack back
You get your pride back,
Get your life back
You get your first real love back
You get your big screen TV
A DVD and a washing machine
You get the pond and the lawn
The bail and the mower
You get to back where you don't know her

It sounds a little crazy,
A little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get when you play a country song backwards

*** I can't help but laugh...cause it's so true. Country at it's best!

Big plans for this year.

2007-02-26T10:33:00.000-05:00

So, I have a few things I want to do this year, and I'm hoping I actually do all or at least most of these things, just because why not...it's gonna be a good year!

1) Go and learn how to surf...either in California or B.C.

2) Go white water rafting...hopefully in Ottawa for the Canada Day long weekend

3) Ride on the VIA Rail...hopefully to Ottawa when I go white water rafting :)

4) Go camping

5) Go snow camping, and rough it!

6) Go sky diving - though I will need someone to push me out of the plane!

7) Go snorkeling with Nick...off some wrecks somewhere

8) Go to Europe with Jello...

9) Go on at least one road trip...Cedar Point anyone?

10) Run at least one 5k, and complete a triathalon!

So, what are your plans for the year?

Changes...

2007-02-22T12:42:00.000-05:00

For some reason, February has been a brutal month, as far as people going through tough things in their life. I think our youth pastor Aaron was right, when he told us to watch out for each other especially this month, as it is known as the worst month for depression and things of that nature. It's been a rough month, not because I am going through junk, but because it seems like all my friends are. These are the times that you wish you could take everyone's pain away and keep to to yourself. I hate seeing people have to go through junk in their life, and being unable to stop it for them.

On a more upbeat note...I went to the auto show last weekend, man, I added about 12 cars to my most wanted list. Seriously, I needed a mop with me to get rid of all the drool. I hopefully should have pics up soon...and then you can all see what you missed :)

On a side note, I dyed my hair..so the ditzy skunk blonde is gone now (pics on my flickr account). It's al ittle more red then I thought it was going to be, but hey...red is something new, so we'll see how much fun red heads have!

Even when I don't feel it...

2007-02-16T16:25:00.000-05:00

I trust God exists.

As I most likely mentioned before, Travis (pictured above) is a friend of mine from Alberta. This summer he was in a car accident, and was paralyzed for life.

Thursday night I found out that he was intensive care with no brain activity. They figured he had over dosed on drugs.

He passed away Friday.

Please pray for the family and friends involved. It's extremely tough, because these are the times you ask yourself, what if I had made one more phone call, hung out one more time, or wrote one more card.

It's hard being here, and not there right now.

How quickly life changes, and your priorities, which seemed so important five minutes ago, seem non-existent now.

Happy Hallmark Holiday

2007-02-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of valentines day, as I do believe Hallmark created it just to sell cards...however, the past two valentines have been an absolute blast, and tonight was no exception. Lots of chocolate, laughter, and good times all around. Gotta love girl nights!

So yes, hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whether you celebrated it or not.

The world hates me...

2007-02-13T18:03:00.000-05:00

well, maybe not the entire world, just anyone associated with Canada Post and all the drivers and their vehicles on my way home from work this evening.

You see, I haven't been getting mail for almost two weeks now. Of course, you may think "Well Mary, some times when you are a loner and you have no friends, you don't get mail." I realize that is a very valid point; however, I am expecting three things, and have been expecting them for almost a month now, and yet none of them have arrived. I am happy that my bills seemed to have disapeared, but I don't know how I am going to explain that when I get interest charges on their overdueness.

So, I went upstairs and talked to my landlord today, and she assured me that they have not seen any of my mail (though she did have an evil grin on her face, and I heard her laughing when I left later). I did notice some suspicious footprints from the neighbours house to our mailbox in the snow...but really, why would someone steal my mail? So yes, I'm not really sure where lost mail goes...perhaps into a great black abyss never to be seen again.

Also, we are getting a slight amount of snow...and by slight, I do mean slight. However, all the drivers on my route, seemed to think that the few snow flakes falling from the sky means you should drive 10k an hour, and do idiot things, like merge lanes in front of faster cars just because that's what you do when it snows apparently.

I am happy to say I made it home alive, though I definately wondered if I would at various points in my drive.

All that being said - I think I sound a bit like a baby complaining about this...I promise life is good, and these small "disturbances" make me much more patient...or something :)

She moves...

2007-02-12T19:51:00.000-05:00

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I managed to get my couch into my livingroom. After much pushing, laughing at myself, and almost knocking my house down, my new couch is now displayed within my living room walls. It may never leave, after the effort it took to get it into the room. But I must say, the room looks more cozy now that I managed to convince it to come in.

Now, the picture isn't very good, and I still have some furniture to move around, so it's messy...but at least you can kind of see my couch :)

Wednesday we are having a girl's valentines day party...it's going to be quite the blast...I believe I gained five pounds just planning the chocolate fondu and fountain with cheesecake and fruit. Yum.

Going..going...gone

2007-02-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

I went to an auction this past week, not because I needed anything really in particular, but because a friend of mine wanted to go. So, we got the directions and headed out to the middle of nowhere. Now, I've been to auctions before, but it's definately been quite some time. So, apparently this place has an auction every Thursday night, and we decided to see what all the fuss was about. Long and short of it...I bought a couch for $10. I also met a guy who knew my grandparents, and he offered to drive it to London for me :)

Now, it's a decent couch for $10, and my current couch is extremely uncomfortable...only problem is, it's bigger then my house. Well, not really my entire house, because then I would be living in a cardboard box, but bigger then my door ways. After much shoving and pushing, we managed to get it into my kitchen, now I am trying to get it into my living room - which is proving to be quite amusing. I have taken every thing off the walls, I just took the light fixtures down, and I'm contemplating living the rest of my life in my living room. As, my new couch is currently in the hallway, blocking me into the room, and making it so that if any body was to come over, they would have to hop over my couch to get into my living room or bedroom.

Now, there is the small fact that I may starve to death in my living room, but at least it will make an interesting headstone "Here lies the girl who bought a couch much to large, and starved to death in her living room because said couch was too large for her house. She should of learned to be less greedy."

Wish me luck folks...if I ever do manage to get this couch into my living room, I still have to get the other one out. I think it's a sign that I should never go to an auction!

It's officially winter...

2007-02-05T12:55:00.000-05:00

My car grumbled this morning when I started her up, and I was told it's something like -20 but -30 with the wind chill or something when I walked into work this morning and said "Can I please have global warming back." I am currently wrapped up in two sweaters hoping that I don't die of hypothermia, and attempting to keep my limbs moving at all times, or they just might freeze and break off.

I had a great weekend...in which I actually made it to the gym a few times (perhaps my dedications is finally kicking in), hung out with some great people and got to sleep in...so in my books, a perfect weekend!!

On a side note...someone stole my tire gauge thing out of my car...and I think my tires may be soft. So...I need to make a trip to Canadian Tire...oh, and I think I should buy some power tools, cause that would be really cool to have sitting around :)

Try not to freeze people...

Control

2007-02-01T16:16:00.000-05:00

I am starting to realize that often addictions, negative behaviours or attitudes can depend on control. Now, this might seem like a little bit of a strange statement, I mean we don't normally attribute an addiction to a control issue. Yet, as I look in my own life, and those around me, I realize that the times when my addictions/negative behaviours/attitudes are at their worst, is when I feel like I am losing control in other parts of my life.

I do believe that we are people meant to function in a world that makes logical sense and has a sense of balance and control to it. Most people function best on a regular schedule, or when knowing that certain things are going to happen. We seem to be less stressed out when we are going through a daily routine that is familiar to us.

Yet, when mayhem hits our life, we often seem to grasp for the thing we can control the most, whether it be an eating disorder, a relationship, drinking too much, abusing pills, or whatever your weakness may be.

It's like we can comfort ourselves by controlling at least that area of our life, thus feeling like we still control it all. The problem being, that we often abuse that control (addiction, negative behaviour, or attitude) in over to overcompensate for the rest of our life being in complete upheaval.

Perhaps I am completely off, but that is my observation today.

Way too much fun...

2007-01-27T23:46:00.000-05:00

So last night...Derek invited me to this guy's birthday party to go paintballing. Now, I figured that this would be a fun game of paintball, and so I agreed to go - I mean, it involves guns...why would I not go :) Well, the guys we were going with showed up with thousands of dollars of guns, equipment, and outfits - it was quite the contrast to my jeans and sweatshirt. I was pretty sure at that point, that someone was paying someone to get rid of me. Then I figured, it was a good way to go down...better then slipping in the bath tub.

Oh, also a small other fact I haven't mentioned - I was the only girl in about a group of 40 + guys. However, despite all that - I stayed in every round right to the end. The only time I died...was when we played president - and guess who was the president. That's right....me. Which basically means, it is the job of the other team (about 15-20 guys) to shoot me in the head. That is how they win the game. It has to be in the head.

So, I was doing fine, until the last five seconds of the game...all the guys around me who were suppose to be covering my back, got shot...and I was defending myself by shooting the incoming group of three guys, and then I ran out of paint...it was kind of sad...five seconds left, and I got hit in the head.

All that to say - I had a complete and utter blast, even if I was the only girl...and I have a few nice bruises to prove it!!

Jobs I do not want...

2007-01-26T13:18:00.001-05:00

So, I was sitting there thinking the other day (always a bad sign) and something in my thought pattern went on the topic of jobs...and I decided that if I am to change my career, these are the jobs I do not want:

1) Working at a maternity clothing store.

I am always afraid that when I walk into a maternity store to shop for someone that some nice lady working there is going to ask me when I am due. I never know how I would respond to that...because if you tell her you're not pregnant, she's going to feel horrible...but if you say you're five months and she says "Wow, you're big for five months" you're going to feel horrible. It really is a no-win situation, which leads me to think, I'd hate to work at a maternity store, cause I know I'd end up asking non-pregnant ladies when they are due...and then most likely getting fired over it.

2) Being a doorman - or more like doorwoman:

I would always feel afraid that I would go to open the door for some lady carrying her pet poodle in her purse, and I'd smack her right in the head with the door. I just really don't think I have the eye/hand coordination for a job such as that. I mean nothing worse then people checking in at the hotel with the door crest embedded on their face. I can't picture myself lasting very long with that job. So, I'm basically impressed at all the guys who open doors for girls, and don't clock them in the head!

3) A hairdresser.

Every time I go to get my hair cut, I sit down in the chair, and the lady says “What would you like today,” and I always respond “Hmm, do what you think is best.” Now, if I was a hair dresser and someone said that to me, I think I would give them a mullet just to teach them never to put so much pressure on me as the hair dresser. Not to mention the fact that me holding sharp and pointy object in my hand near people’s heads just doesn’t seem like a wise idea. I mean, what happens if you unexpectedly sneeze while cutting someone’s hair. Sounds like a CSI case to me.

4) A Window Cleaner

Part of me would love to have this job, mostly because people always think the window cleaner can’t see inside while he’s cleaning. Though to be quite honest, they can see just fine. But for the very same reason that I wouldn’t mind being a window cleaner, I would hate to be one. I mean, you can see in people’s windows…people who think you can’t see them. I can only imagine the stories you could bring home, and the therapy you would need to help cope with those stories. Not to mention, you’re hanging from a thread high above concrete slabs…something seems rather risky about that, not quite sure what it is though.

Mike and Colleen

2007-01-24T23:25:00.000-05:00

When I was in The Hat over the holidays, I had the chance to attend Mike and Colleen's wedding. Now, I don't really know Mike that well, but Colleen went to our C & C group at Heights Baptist. So, Jello and I bought a present and headed out to the wedding (I put more pics on my flickr account). They were married in the theatre down town, and then the reception was at the church. Good times...though I must say...wedding dances scare me. lol.

I'm just glad Jello was my date...it gave me someone to talk to!

Grey Areas

2007-01-24T18:53:00.000-05:00

Christian's shouldn't be asking themselves when it comes to a grey area "Is this wrong" but rather they should ask themselves "Is it right." I mean, I can tell you that a lot of things are not wrong for a Christian to do, such as drinking, smoking or other areas that have been deemed grey areas. But when I ask myself, is this right...I often realize I really don't have a good argument to support it. Now, I am not saying that you need to cut out any grey area in your life and become legalistic...but I am saying, maybe we need to re-examine some things in our lives. Just because it's not wrong, doesn't mean we need to do it.

What kind of standard are you holding yourselves to? If you compare yourselves to other Christians, I am sure you can come out at a level similar to how you perceive them. However, when you measure yourself up to God's standard, you will fall short every time.

We had a good Bible study tonight - I was encouraged by the discussion and thoughts that came forward. It's been fun getting to know people better in London...I don't know if I've scared them too badly yet...they're still talking to me, so I think that's a good sign :)

At the risk of sounding girly...

2007-01-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

I received a package last night in the mail, and my hair straightner was in it, which totally made me happy. Okay yeah, there is no way that doesn't sound completely girly. Dang.

Anyhow, I am very glad it is Wednesday - my week has consisted of sleeping 14 hours Monday night, playing an intense soccer game last night, and then the gym and Bible Study tonight. I'm looking forward to seeing people tonight, after the total withdrawl I've been having since sno-camp!

Can I just say, if you don't have facebook, you should get it. It's a bajillion times better then Myspace, and I've talked to people I haven't talked to in like over five-years. Good times all around.

Anyhow, I really have nothing exciting to say - other then I wish I was in bed right now. I hope everyone's enjoying their Wednesday...I need some caffeine.

Perspective.

2007-01-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

To be honest...I was grumpy today. I kind of was running on lack of sleep, and the letdown that generally happens after you have a great time spiritually and with other people. I knew my attitude needed to be changed, but I didn't feel like putting the effort into it.

My dad e-mailed me to tell me that the dad of my two younger brother's friends that they play hockey with committed suicide yesterday.

Suddenly...my day looks pretty good, and I am ashamed I made my small problems into such large issues.

Warm water at last...

2007-01-22T08:17:00.000-05:00

Well, we're back from sno-camp, and those 3 approx. hours of sleep each night are starting to show this morning :). I must say it was nice sleeping in my bed last night, and having warm water again. Nothing like crowding 13 girls into a room slightly larger then a hotel room with one bathroom. Makes life interesting to say the least - though I am happy to report that no one killed anyone else.

The weather was defiantly suited for sno-camp. It all started with some insane whiteout conditions in Barrie. This lady was driving, decided it scared her too much so she stopped her car in the middle of the highway and these whiteout conditions and jumped out crying. We all almost ploughed into her...and I was embarrassed on behalf of my gender. We ended up having to call the cops, because she was so upset she would not move her car. Up at MBC it was about -25 with a lot of snow - so we definitely got our winter wishes!!

I played some awesome volleyball and soccer on Saturday...good times. Though I do believe like every one showed up for the volleyball tournament, there were so many teams entered, it was crazy. The soccer on the other hand, was some of the best I've played, especially recreationally.

The food as always was good...and the speaker and worship team were very inspiring.

So yes - good times all around. I'm now going through people withdrawal.

Ten things you may not know about me.

2007-01-18T18:50:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so apparently I have some odd things about me - which I think is completely crazy of course :D But...I thought I'd put some of them down, just so you could make fun of me...or share your own weird quirks.

1) When I say "The other day" it could mean up to three years ago

2) I always eat my pudding cups without a spoon - even if there is a spoon nearby. The goal is to see how much you can eat, before you get it on your nose, and if you can finish the entire container without using your finger.

3) I put butter on my peanut butter and jam sandwhiches - which apparently is odd (though I totally don't think so).

4) I hate drinking milk in anything but a glass cup.

5) I can't say the words: Linoleum or Suspenders without messing up. Unless I make you say it first really slow about five times and I concentrate.

6) The two foods I could not live without - are butter and salt.

7) I HATE packing with a passion (okay, you most likely know that already)

8) Even if it is the middle of the summer and scorching hot - I always sleep with my duvet. I can't fall asleep without blankets.

9) When I was about 8, my aunt made a carrot cake for my birthday. I threw it up violently - and to this very day, I have not eaten carrot cake - just the thought makes me want to get sick.

10) I have conversations with myself - especially when I'm working out at the gym. I get mad at myself - and tell myself to push harder. I think it scares the people beside me.

Impossible...

2007-01-18T10:18:00.000-05:00

I grew up thinking that if you debated something well enough, you could convince anyone that what you believed was true; all you had to do was win the debate. I soon realized that no matter how sound your argument is people are not going to believe it by you "winning" a debate.

Now, if you're like most humans, you are going to run into people who completely disagree with your worldview (especially as Christian's) and I think often we don't really know how to deal with such attacks on our faith or our beliefs. I am sure there are a wide variety of responses to this; however, there seems to be a trend in the responses Christian's give. Some try to respond by debating these people into believing what we believe, others by just rejecting their faith because the moment it is attacked and they don't have the answer they question it, other's become completely passive and just don't discuss their faith or back away from any argument or debate.

This leads me to think, there must be a better way then these above responses, as all of them seem to not really accomplish the end goal that we are hoping for.

I believe the answer, or at least part of it, is to show people by example who Christ is and how it's changed our life. So that when we do open our mouths to talk about Him, they believe that we aren't just spouting off some argument we learned in Sunday school.

Now, many of you most likely agree with that "Yes, we will show them by our actions" and yet so many of our lives do not reflect Christ in a vibrant and obvious way. It's like we live our lives exactly like our neighbour, but we go to Church, do a few mission trips, go to Bible Study Wednesday nights - but there is no passion. There is no reason for our neighbour, or the person we bump into in our lives to believe that we are on fire for God.

It leads me to ask my self - if someone ran into me today, would they notice that I'm different? Does my passion and fire for God shine through me, or have I settled to a "just getting by" standard?

Yesterday I realized...

2007-01-17T07:58:00.000-05:00

that I talk to myself, on quite a regular basis actually. The scary part is, more and more I am realizing it is not just internal conversations, but rather me talking out loud to myself. For example, this happened yesterday at Wal-Mart

Me standing in the garbage pail isle while trying to decide what garbage pail to buy for my kitchen.

Hmmm, I kind of want a silver garbage pail; it seems much more sophisticated somehow.

Silly it's a kitchen, who cares about sophistication. Besides, you'll have to clean the outside all the time because there will be marks on it.

Sure, but I really could stand to be more sophisticated.

Hahaha, there's a joke for you - Mary sophisticated.

I think I want the big one with the lid

Yeah, but $20 for a pail to hold your junk - that seems ridiculous

Yeah, I suppose that's true - but then when people come over, I could be like "Hey, look at my really nice $20 garbage pail with a lid - and cursive writing - that's a nice feature"

Hey, you just said that in a Brian Reagan voice.

I know, but he so totally cracks me up, I can't help it.

I really should get the cute little fat one.

Hahah, you're little and fat, why don't you just put a garbage bag in your mouth.

Did you just burn me?

Heck yes I did (muffles a laugh).

Okay, that's it - we're getting the fat white one...you're embarrassing me.

Oh, whatever - you're the one talking out loud.

See, I really am going mental - I'm having conversations with my self, out loud, in Wal-Mart. I am making myself laugh - this can't be healthy :)

Controversial Issues - Part 5

2007-01-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

Well, just in case people were starting to feel happy and non-offended, I decide to pull a controversial issue post on a topic that I know is going to make some people wonder if I've fallen off the deep end. Of course, as I tend to say at the beginning of these types of posts...this is meant to be controversial so you most likely will not agree, which is okay:)

How important is theology? I guess that is the question I have faced since moving out on my own, and I am sure many of you have or will face this question during your life. See, I grew up in a Reformed Calvinist home. Now, for those of you who don't know Reformed Calvinist place a high emphasis on theology. They see theology as a way to deepen your relationship with God as you learn more about Him and what He is saying through the Bible. Calvinism tends to be very Biblically based, and uses scripture to back up pretty much all of the truths held to by the Calvinist. I grew up in a church circle in which I learned the theological truths very early on in my life and could debate and argue the five points of Calvinism with the best of them.

The problem was not the theology, which was very sound and Biblically based; it was the fact that I believed my relationship with God was real and alive because I knew all these things about God. The problem was I knew about God, but the relationship I had with Him was not very real or alive. I had fallen into a works religion, in which I went through the motions, said and argued all the right things, and followed all the traditions.

I know some of you are going to argue that the theology was not at fault; however, it was my attitude. And I believe some of what you say is correct.

It wasn't until I moved out of my parent's home down to The Hat, that I really realized the entire world was not like me. Sure I had many friends, who came from different backgrounds, but the majority of my circles tended to be Reformed Calvinist.

I remember the Reformed church I attended in Medicine Hat. I went there for five weeks, before I stopped attending. The people didn't really talk to me; the youth totally did not talk to me, rather stared at me like I had two heads. I found the services to be going through the motions, and that attitude seemed to be reflected in the congregation. Now, I am sure there were some very nice people there, and I don't want to bash the church on a whole, but from my experience I have never been so embarrassed for a church in how they treated an outsider. If I had not grown up in the church, I don't think I ever would have gone to another church.

I eventually attended a Baptist church in The Hat. Most of you will be surprised that the fact is controversial, but to many people it seemed that I was becoming laid back and not viewing the theological issues as important. Do you know why I attended that church? It was because the people were friendly, and talked to me after the service, it was because the youth welcomed me into their group by the second time I attended a service, it was because the preaching was Biblical and I really enjoyed the fellowship.

I am going to say something - which some of you may have a problem with. Fellowship has become very important to me, to the point that if I attend a church, and they are completely sound Biblically, but there is no growth, and no fellowship, I am more likely to attend a church that I have a few disagreements with but has fellowship, then I am to attend the church that has all the right theology.

As I continue to make friends with completely different backgrounds, I am challenged. Because not everything is clear cut when you open up your circles, and expand your friendships. You see I am meeting people, who have completely different theological views, and yet their lives are on fire for God and their passion is to serve Him. And all I can do in the face of that is thank God for blessing me with people who encourage me to push on in my relationship with Him, and for the way He is broadening my views.

At the end of the day, have we made tiny issues that do not dictate your salvation into large issues to tear apart churches? Is there a problem with me worshiping beside someone who believes in speaking in tongues, or a woman who believes in adult baptism over infant baptism? I tend to think not, for the important thing is that we love God and our relationship with Him is real. It is not about if you have all the right theological arguments, it's about your love and relationship with and for God.

All that said, as much as some of you will assume I have forsaken everything I was taught while growing up - that is untrue. The Bible is my ultimate authority for what I believe in. I'm just excited for how God continues to make my relationship with Him more real and alive, and less going through the motions.

(Wow, that was way too long of a post:)

Things I am thankful for...

2007-01-15T12:22:00.000-05:00

1) That I have a carport, so all the ice rain we received this morning I didn't have to scrape off my car!

2) That all the insane drivers in this weather decided to stay home this morning for my drive to work!

3) The fact that I can call Nicole and she doesn't get charged on her cell for incoming calls. I tell you - the pizza arm idea was still the best - though living on couches is pulling a close second!

4) That when my car slid out of my parking spot because of the ice this morning after I parked it and went into to work - no one hit it.

5) That God has put some really awesome friends into my life, who continue to encourage me to press on despite the tough times.

6) That God really convicted me last night during the Bible study on forgiveness.

7) The awesome lunch I just ate and didn't have to cook cause my mom spoils me :)

8) That I get to go paintballing on the 27th and to snow camp this weekend at MBC!!

9) The new adventures and possibilities that line my near future

10) Because despite all the junk - life is pretty awesome, and I'm glad I'm living it!

I cannot sleep...

2007-01-12T00:07:00.000-05:00

I am not sure if it is jet leg...or just that I am completely wired and hence unable to sleep. Can I say that I already miss The Hat. Yesterday, when I was on the plane leaving Calgary, we were all ready to go, and then one of the passengers decided she wanted to stay in Calgary. So, they had to re-open the plane, get her and her luggage off the plane, then open up the bottom and go through all the luggage until they found hers. A large part of me wanted to jump up and run off the plane with her...even if it meant I would have to live in a cardboard box at the airport. Then again, my suitcase is quite large, I think I would fit in it.

I came back to London today...to an over flowing mailbox, a few unexpected phone messages, and a very empty fridge. Also, I kind of had Christmas all over again, as I unpacked all my Christmas presents from my family, and realized I had forgetten about over half of the presents I had received. Which was totally cool with me of course.

Scott asked me today: "If you felt God was telling you to quit your job for a time, and just stay at home and grow closer to Him and really strengthen your relationship with Him....would you do it?" My first reaction was no. Not in a rebellious way...but in a I would think God was messing with my head if He asked me to quit my job to get to know Him and to trust in Him...I mean, that just seems absured. The more I think about my reaction though, I wonder if I am putting God in a box, or expecting Him to only ever work in a "normal" way. Of course I can imagine someone is going to comment and say - God created a world where work is necessary and it's part of life...and some people will want to comment and say you can't put God in a box, you can only think you're putting Him in a box.

I guess what I'm really asking is - how far and what would you sacrifice to make your relationship with God the most important aspect of your life? How much are you willing to give up, how many blows are you going to take for it? Because we can sit here and say we want a real relationship with God, and we want to serve Him with our lives...but at the end of the day, if you aren't changing anything in your life to make that happen - you gotta wonder how badly you want it to happen.

I preach at myself when I write that. So often I can say all the right things, give great arguments, talk about how important a relationship with God is, how I want it more then anything...and then I get home, sit down and turn on the tv, or mindlessly fill my time with nothing of importance. Really makes me wonder how badly I want this relationship with God...or if I'm just talking and not backing it up with actions.

I want to run a 5k this summer, and complete a triathalon. The trainer that I had a meeting with at the gym, told me I have 37.5 fat pounds to lose, and a whole lot of working out to do - that was the end of August. I think I've gained 37.5 more fat pounds since then...and my workout schedule is horrific. I guess if I keep talking about how I want to do this...I need to back it up with actions. Perhaps that is what God is trying to teach me...how I need to talk less and act more.

Back to snowy Ontario...

2007-01-11T00:35:00.000-05:00

So...despite the prayers for the blizzard to be so bad I couldn't fly...I was able to get to the airport. Though, there was some pretty nice whiteout conditions, but Jello is an amazing driver, and she just used her super powers to float right above the snow!

Both of my flights were delayed today, and of course that is when I had an emergency call from work, which I had to juggle between running from one flight to the next. Nothing quite as professional as yelling on a cell phone above the plane announcers to a client.

There is snow here, for like the first time...of course just in time for my arrival. I do believe my feet and hands are still frozen now. I made the mistake of going to my sister's hockey game as soon as I got out of the airport, and the arena was freezing to say the least.

On a slightly sad note, my car died. Well, it was fine...my mom picked me up from the airport...we drove it for a while, put gas in it, and then she went to start it and it was completely dead. Thankfully it is just a battery...because car shopping in the winter sucks:)

Anyhow, I'm running on Alberta time, which means I am going to be dead tomorrow at this rate. I hope everyone is enjoying the snow!

Last Moments...

2007-01-09T18:42:00.000-05:00

My time here in The Hat is winding down, unless the blizzard warning pulls through for me (Please God, send a blizzard so I don't have to go back to London:). I am waiting for Nicole to primp herself as we are heading out for supper with some people. This could be interesting, as she often seems to get into a fight with the hair straightner...oh the dangers of being a girl!

The real question is this: Would you rather leave a place with the perfect memory and no good bye, or would you want to say good bye? I think I rather not say good byes, just act as if it's another night, another time, and leave as if I am coming back tomorrow. Perhaps I am weird, perhaps I hate the finality of a good bye.

Sometimes life doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why certain things happen to certain people. It always seems to be the people who deserve the best, end up getting the short end of the stick. I don't understand that. I trust God has an ultimate plan for it all...but sometimes it doesn't make sense to me.

Do you ever marvel at unconditional love? I do. I've marvelled at it a few times these past weeks. I can't fathom how God can look at me, with all my mistakes and flaws, and love me despite it all. I don't understand how He forgave me before I even messed up, or how He has forgotten all the sins I've confessed. I don't understand it at all. I am completely in awe...and as I looked up at a perfect sky the other night, and saw the stars, I couldn't help but marvel at God's unconditional love for someone like me.

If I could freeze a moment...

2007-01-08T17:17:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wish that you could freeze a moment? I do. Sometimes the most perfect moments happen, when I feel that I am truly living. When God seems so close that I can feel Him, and when I'm not scared about tomorrow or five years from now. God has been teaching me a lot in the last two weeks while being down in The Hat. A lot of it is not exactly flattering things, things I would rather pretend I don't struggle with. He's shown me how selfish I really am, how I don't put enough effort into friendships, how I tend to turn everything into a story about my life, how I am too quick to speak and too slow to listen, how I plan to far in advance instead of trusting Him, how I care too much what people think about me, how I forget to laugh and sometimes how I try too hard not to cry.

I suppose the real root issue is my pride, I want people to think I have my life all together, and yet I don't. I really don't have any of my life together. I've messed up things I shouldn't have, and depended on my own strength to get me through.

As much as it is painful to realize that I am so far from perfect, and to think that I am way to broken for God to ever fix me...I am comforted in this moment. Because I realize I can't do things on my own any more...and I'm excited as I see what God can do in people around me. It is my hope that as God tears apart everything I hold dear, He will be able to rebuild me and put all the cracked pieces together to form a functional masterpiece.

Never to far...

2007-01-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

You know what I miss...my old church, Heights Baptist. Whenever I come back here after being away, I am reminded about how much I loved attending there. This morning we had communion, I love communion, but especially at this church. After communion the entire church joins hands throughout the whole sanctuary and sings, "Blest be the Tie that Binds."

We had a great sermon today, on how you are never to broken for God's grace...I always find those types of sermons encouraging. Especially as I mess up in my life, and am constantly remind of how far I've fallen and how sinful I am. Also Pastor Art made some great points about how we often try to know God's will and know where He wants us to go, but we neglect to stay faithfully in the word and ono His path. I found that thought interesting...as I am the one who runs on five-year plans and likes to know what is happening. I believe these are one of the moment in life where God asks to take the reins and for me to trust...and sometimes that is really hard.

On a side note - Jello on drugs is way to much fun. I finally met Chewy last night for the first time (every time I hear his name I want a cookie), though I do believe we scared him away. Something to do with Jello asking out of the blue if he had a hairy chest. I do believe he was rather taken back...and maybe scared for life.

Oh, and Nicole got a new hair cut, and she looks hot. Seriously...I was quite jealous of her fabulous looks with her new do...I do believe she even is strutting a bit when she is walking :) And, she is going to buy a blow dryer and straightener...our little Nicole is growing up. Though, I should most likely give her a call, to make sure she didn't burn her ear off or something this morning :)

Well folks, I already had one amazing lunch at my company's old executive director's house, and I have supper with Jello at Scott's house (his mom invited us) I don't know if Jello's going to ask any hair questions...could be interesting!!

I was such a wuss...

2007-01-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I thought it hurt bad. I complained about the pain and the fact that all I wanted to do was sleep forever. Jello just got her wisdom teeth pulled on Wednesday, and she is so sick. She hasn't been able to keep anything down, even water...her pain is through the roof, and her mom almost took her to the hospital last night. Suddenly I feel like a big huge wuss, because my pain was nothing compared to what she was going through. Poor Jello. Also, her dentist is a horrible horrible person, he wouldn't even give her Tylenol 3's. I think he never had his wisdom teeth pulled out.

I had a chance to spend most of yesterday with my friend Heather who is expecting and due in February. I am so excited for her, and I really really hope it's a girl, as she has three boys already. We went shopping for baby stuff...wow is that stuff expensive, but oh so cute. It's a good thing I don't have a child, or I would be buying everything! Although, hanging out with her made me want to come down here in February for when she has the baby and stay with her to help out, she'll have her hands full with the boys and a new baby!

Are we settling for the ordinary?

2007-01-01T18:40:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you smiled...for absolutely no reason? Or the last time you lived out one of your dreams, no matter how crazy or daunting it was? When was the last time you stood up and said, "I'm not doing this because I don't think it will help me in serving my purpose here on earth - to glorify God."

Have we become a society stuck in a rut of the everyday, just living minute to minute in hopes of surviving the mine field we call life? When you look back on the last year, five years, ten years of your life do you see a stagnant pool of water collecting? Don't get me wrong, I realize a lot of life is about mundane tasks that need to be performed or waded through. I am not trying to be idealistic and say you should be smiling and living life to the fullest in every moment. But stop for a minute, take a step back, and look at your life - is this what you want to be doing? If you were given a year left to live, how much of your life would change?

Sometimes I people watch...I look at couples who are together, or parent's with their children. Sometimes the people look happy and completely in love...but most days they've got frowns on their faces, the children are screaming, the parent's are upset - and they are yelling at each other. In those moments, I just want to get up and shake them, and say to them, "This is your life, you only get to live it once. You don't know how long you have to spend with this person, you may only have a day left with them, don't forget to tell them that you love them."

So when I look at my own life, over this past year and as I go into the future...I am stopping, taking a step back, and trying to go forward with my eye sight on God, and a smile on my face.

By the way, about five minutes ago while I was talking to a friend, I smiled...for no reason. Life is good, despite all the pain and hardships that come your way. There is a rainbow behind the clouds, and a crown in heaven with your name.

You know...

2006-12-29T02:22:00.000-05:00

We went sledding tonight...and I wore jeans, running shoes, and a sweater and jacket....long story short, I froze somewhere on a hill in Alberta. But, it was a totally sweet hill...there were three major bumps, and lots of trees, and if you hit the third bump to fast you had to bail because there were metal spikes just below it, and then you ran into people's yards and the road. Gotta love living life on the edge:)

Of course no sledding run is complete without Starbucks - and I am seriously addicted to my new drink. Mmmm, anything that is topped with carmel, how could you not fall in love with it!!

Jello and I start house sitting tomorrow night....should be a blast actually...they have a pretty sweet house, and huge tv and awesome leather couches...so yeah, we're pretty much set!!

Do you know what I miss?

2006-12-28T12:03:00.000-05:00

Laughing till my sides hurt, and then laughing all over again. Yesterday I hung with Jello and Nicole, and then Matt and Justin came over and we headed out for some food and drinks at Moxies. I forgot how much fun I have when I'm down here hanging with people I know.

We also got a lot of snow here last night - which provided some snowball fights and I somehow ended up getting the brunt of it. Nothing like snow down your neck.

I think I can get used to this life of staying up late and sleeping in...there's gotta be a job that somehow incorporates that!

I think I killed Nicole...

2006-12-26T22:09:00.000-05:00

A wise woman once said "Medicine Hat is a black hole." It is completely true, and even though it's only been three months, I decided to surprise a few people by coming to The Hat for the holidays. So, Christmas day was spent on various airplanes anticipating various people's faces when they saw me.

Of course, Nicole's surprised face totally did not disapoint....I think she had a heart attack when she walked into Jello's house and saw me, it was pretty awesome.

Of course, us girls hanging out....sides hurting from so much laughing, oh my goodness, it's been way to long! I now officially can't wait for New Year's, as I'll be hanging out with a bunch of friends and people that I love. I have not had a good New Year's for like....I don't know....ever. The last few years have been spent with people I didn't really know, at parties that kinda sucked...so I'm looking forward to this year!!

Another awesome thing, is that it is not -40 here right now...which is totally okay by me, even if we don't have snow for the holidays. It was snowing a bit last night, so that was pretty cool!

Not sure if I am going to make any New Year's resolutions this year....we'll have to see.

Anyhow, hope everyone is having some awesome holidays!! Though I am quite sure at this point that they can't top mine!!

Of crazy times...

2006-12-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

Last night was our office Christmas party at The Keg. Now, I'm not a huge steak fan, but I'll take Filet Mignon cooked at medium any day of the week really. So yummy. Though, all this Christmas eating is not good - and going back to the gym in January is going to be brutal I tell you :)

In exciting news, our former executive director and senior legal counsel from my office (retired in 2004)was appointed to be a judge, and I am extremely happy for him - but also extremely jealous. To be a judge would be the ultimate job to me, of course it would be in the Supreme Court, because that's going to happen any day now:)

In other news, I almost got in an accident last night. I was driving normally and nicely down the road (most likely a miracle just in and of it's self) and this car decided to change lanes without checking his mirror's - we missed each other by inches, and I actually honked on time this time, instead of 30 seconds after the fact. Thankfully he was able to serve back into his lane, and I was able to miss him and the hydro pole beside me. Sheesh.

Well people, today is my last day of work before I get a few days off - enjoy the food!!

I don't want to be an adult no more

2006-12-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Jello...cause it sums up me most days :)

I want to go to McDonalds and think that it's a
four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because
you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a
lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colours,
multiplication tables,
and nursery rhymes,
but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.
That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simply again.
I don't wany my day to consist of computer crashes,
mountains of paperwork,
depressing news,
how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank,
doctor bills,
gossip,
illness,
and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the bower of smiles,
hugs,
a kind word,
truth,
justice,
peace,
dreams,
the imagination,
mankind,
and making angels in the snow.

Sooo...here's my checkbook, my car keys, my plastic, and my bills. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me, because, "Tag! You're it!"

Because I can...

2006-12-18T19:21:00.000-05:00

I bought a new tie tonight - a really nice silk one. I should of payed more attention to those French knot lessons...cause um, I haven't mastered tying it yet. :)

I also finished my Christmas shopping tonight - and I admit I bought new shoes for myself, even though I was shopping for others. I kind of feel like a girl now....ewww gross:)

Because He cares...

2006-12-18T19:02:00.000-05:00

Ponder the achievement of God.
He doesn't condone our sin, nor does He
compromise His standard.
He doesn't ignore our rebellion, nor does He
relax his demands.

Rather than dismiss our sin, He assumes our sin
and, incredibly, sentences Himsellf.

God's holiness is honored. Our sin is punished...
and we are redeemed.

God does what we cannot do so we can be what we
dare not dream: perfect before God.

Do you enjoy God more than anything? God wants us to enjoy Him, more than just obey Him. If you can't walk with God because of your circumstances - if you pray about it, your circumstances will most likely get harder - until you realize that God is enough.

Change...

2006-12-18T12:34:00.000-05:00

I had my hair dyed this past weekend...ended up being more chunks of blonde on the top, as opposed to strips of carmel...but I like the under colour, which is like a dark chocolate brown. I guess I'll find out if blonde's have more fun!

I also got a sub installed into my car, now it shakes when there is good bass in a song, which of course makes me happy!! Though, my car may not be to excited about the development, which now rattles it on a regular occasion!

I started my christmas shopping on Saturday - I figure I am ahead of schedule, since it gave me a week head start (my family opens gifts this Friday). So, perhaps I am becoming a more organized person.

Currently listening to: Snow Patrol's song - Run. It makes me sad.

This song...

2006-12-14T11:45:00.000-05:00

just played on my ipod, and I think I always tear up when I hear this song, no matter how many times I listen to it.

Last kiss - Pearl Jam
Where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
Shes gone to heaven, so Ive got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

We were out on a date in my daddys car
We hadnt driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead

I couldnt stop, so I swerved to the right
Ill never forget the sound that night
The screamin tires, the bustin glass
The painful scream that I heard last

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
Shes gone to heaven, so Ive got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

When I woke up the rain was pourin down
There were people standin all around
Something warm flowing through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night

I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling, just a little while"
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I had missed

Well now shes gone
Even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
Shes gone to heaven, so Ive got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

Dreams...

2006-12-14T09:47:00.000-05:00

I keep having these very odd, and very vivid dreams. At first I was blaming it on the drugs, but now I am convinced that I'm just really messed in the head :) Do you ever have it where you wake and and pray "Please let dreams not be a result of a thought you were thinking and you just had no idea?" I've been doing that a lot..."Please let these dreams be just random things that have nothing to do with what I think."

I painted last night...somehow painting a brand new canvas just calms me right down and gets rid of all the stress. It's awesome, cept my house is going to overflow with a bajillion canvas...what is the plural for canvas? Canvi?

Anyhow, I'm eating red jello for my breakfast/lunch. I should have a major mouth surgery every christmas holiday...might keep off the extra pounds that just want to sneak in.

You just never know...

2006-12-13T08:32:00.000-05:00

This morning on my drive to work, I thought of a story I once read, about a boy who was walking home from school, and he dropped all his books. This random guy who went to the same school walked by and helped picked up his books, and then hung out with him. Years later, when they graduated, the boy who had dropped his books wrote to his now friend and said "I was planning on going home and killing myself that day, that is why I had so many books, because you helped me and became my friend, I didn't."

Sometimes, you never know how God is using you, even when you feel that He isn't in the least. Don't forget that, you may have saved a life last night, and you had no idea.

Word of Advice...

2006-12-11T21:58:00.000-05:00

When you wake up in the morning, and realize you're in to much pain to go to work...do not take two of the codine coated tylenol 3's every two hours, and those red covered heavy duty pain killers that you're suppose to take once every six hours; don't take them every two hours either.

You end up sleeping all day...and having these crazy dreams. Then your mom shows up, and says "What are you doing, you can't eat that many."

So yeah, I could be a doctor for people who get their wisdom teeth out now...eat the drugs, don't overeat them :)

I want a hamburger and fries...

2006-12-09T11:49:00.000-05:00

But, instead I have to eat jello (not my friend Jello...the red kind)....and drink flat sprite...it's very sad. Hopefully I'll lose 20 pounds or something....but isn't there a way to eat a hamburger in a liquid form without it tasting disgusting?

On a happy note, the internet is finally working again...this crazy weather had it shut down from like 4:00 yesterday afternoon till 10:00 this morning. Insane. And, in a few hours Sports Saturday starts...and I'm hoping it's not curling:)

For all those of you who have yet to get their wisdom teeth out...don't ever miss taking your drugs...it will be a very sad half an hour for you before the next drugs kick in.

Four teeth less...

2006-12-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

Thanks to regular drugs at high doses and frequencies, I have been able to survive the last day without going into shock over the pain. This morning, all four of my impacted wisdom teeth were removed, and I am now the happy owner of a bleeding mouth, puffy and extremely white face. I'd like to say that I thought the pain would be worse, but I honestly think that it is the meds that are keeping me sane. I missed the first medication by about half an hour, and the pain almost put me through the roof (not to scare anyone who is having their wisdom teeth pulled or anything).

Thanks to my mom's faithful nursing, I have been able to sleep most of the day, only to be woken up at the hours I need my meds. Let me tell you, if you are getting your wisdom teeth pulled out don't do it when you are home alone. Be somewhere so that someone can help moniter the pain, feed you jello, and change the blood cotton stuff in your mouth.

On a happy note...London recieved four feet of snow...which is totally awesome if you don't have to go anywhere, and you have a fireplace and a good book or something!

Anyhow, meds are kicking in...which means I'm about to crash. Enjoy your pain free weekends - and don't fight the drugs, sometimes they are your friends :)

The world is a crazy place.

2006-12-07T10:33:00.000-05:00

I was suppose to have my wisdom teeth out a few weekends ago, but my insurance hadn't approved my treatment plan, so I had to cancel. Now, my insurance monies run out at the end of December, so I was hoping to get the wisdom teeth done before then. I called my insurance company today, and they told me they had approved the treatment plan, so I called my mom to see if the dentist had any appointments before the end of December, and sure enough...all four impacted wisdom teeth are coming out tomorrow morning at 7:30.

I believe this is the part where you get to make fun of my chipmunk face, and laugh when I can't eat anything.

In a week, hopefully I'll be the one laughing because I lost a ton of weight and my wisdom teeth are gone forever, meaning I won't have to ever do this again.

The World...

2006-12-07T08:22:00.000-05:00

Has everyone forgotten how to drive? It snowed last night, and by snowed I mean 10-20 centimeters (why can't they tell you in inches?). I walked outside today, and the world was covered in a beautiful blanket. The roads, however, were not very beautiful...over half an hour later I finally made it to work. I think I need a dog sled.

Rats with hair...or hairless rats?

2006-12-05T13:10:00.000-05:00

Imagine: It is Christmas Eve, the snow is gently falling creating fluffy piles of beauty. The lamps are shinning on the corners of the streets, and sleigh bells ring in the distance (you ask...why sleigh bells...no idea...seems Christmassy). You decide that the perfect way to celebrate Christmas is to go to the pet store, and pick out a new pet. Now, you don't want just any pet, you want a rat. Here is the question: Do you pick the rat with hair, or do you pick the skinny naked looking rat that is smoother then a baby’s bottom?

The answer to that question is extremely important. When you go to a youth conference to pick out a man...do you pick the one with hair, or the one who is smoother then a baby’s bottom? Now, I see the girls giggling and the guys with shocked and offended looks on their faces. Let me just say...I am not saying men are rats...or pets even...I'm just comparing them to something to prove a point...and rats just came first to my mind...because, um...it makes sense. Or something :).

Apparently the girls in the world have made men into soft feminine versions of what they were meant to be. Now, when I heard this, I opened my mouth to argue some point about how men’s expectations of us are unreal, and we would never do the same to them. That all we really want is a man who can make us feel safe and protected. And then I saw a bunch of boys walk by wearing their sister's jeans which were extremely skin tight, pink polo shirts, and the only hair you could see was on their heads.

Jane gushes to her friends "My boyfriend and I are going for pedicures this afternoon,” and no one blinks. Some of my guy friends have more hair products in their bathroom than five girls put together. Girls are now the ones being upset because their boyfriend takes longer to get ready to go out then they do. Then there is the fact that Saturday afternoon football or rugby has been replaced with tanning sessions and waxing.

What has happened to the rugged man, which chest, nose, and ear hair? Why has Justin Timberlake become the accepted norm and rugged lumberjacks disgusting? Since when did we create this feminized version of men? And most importantly, who really likes the hairless rat that looks absolutely disgusting over the rat with hair?

Are we as woman making the world of men into only slightly more rugged versions of ourselves?

Two Questions

2006-12-04T20:51:00.000-05:00

What is the measure of a life well lived?

What dreams would you dream, if you knew you could not fail?

compliments of Scott.

The world is not your standard.

2006-12-02T11:27:00.001-05:00

John Stott writes: "This [Romans 2:1 "God judges those who do wrong things, and we know that his judging is right."] is not a call either to suspend our critical faculties or to renounce all criticism and rebuke of others as illegitimate: it is rather a prohibition of standing in judgment on other people and condemning htem (which as human beings we have no right to do), especially when we fail to condemn ourselves."

It is our job to hate the sin, but it is God's job to deal with the sinner. Yet, despite that fact we justify passing judgment on those around us. Then we take it a step further, and we use the people around us as a standard for how we live our lives. We've completely forgotten that what the world does around us does not justify our actions.

The world is not our standard, God is. So, you are really no better then Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, or Stalin. I know you may agree in words, but do you actually believe that. Do you believe that you are no better then them, despite their horrific deeds?

Not only are we unworthy to judge others; we also are unqualified. You don't know enough about someone to judge them. You don't know what happened yesterday, but more importantly, you don't know what will happen tomorrow. How can you dismiss a person based on their sin, until God's work is complete?

Be careful! The Peter who denies Jesus tonight, may proclaim Him at Pentecost. Moses started as a shepherd with a speech problem, and then led God's people through the dessert.

Do not use others as your standard, or justification for your actions. Live your life between you and God, and remember it doesn't matter how horrible the person is next to you...you are responsible for your actions, despite the circumstances.

The most awesome thing ever...

2006-12-01T19:48:00.001-05:00

Well, maybe not ever, but it's pretty close. I woke up to an e-mail this morning from Scott, he had sent me a Monk-e-Mail, which of course made me kill myself laughing. So, I decided to send you all a monk-e-mail, because I love you, and more importantly, I am now addicted to these things. So, this link is me, at work, with my princess crown, because that is what I am...a beautiful, beautiful princess :)

My monk-e-mail message to you Link(click)

If you want to make your own monk-e-mail, which of course you do, because it's so totally awesome!!

monk-e-mail Link

Trans-Siberian Orchestra...and a rainy Thursday

2006-11-30T10:57:00.000-05:00

Opera meets rock band, Christmas carols to electric guitars and drums? The real question is, can it be done without sounding like some crazy screamers bashing guitars? Well, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra proves that it can. Seriously, absolutely amazing talent, and a great show that they put on at the Air Canada Centre. I quite enjoyed myself, and the drum solo, be still my beating heart...I believe I fell in love with the drummer. So, incredibly amazing. His drum set was like at least two drum sets put together, and in-between regular beats he would spin his drum stick around in his hand and then hit on beat. I was in complete awe. I do believe I sat there with my mouth open and drool hitting the head of the person below me. And seriously, who cannot like fireballs blowing up behind stage while Christmas carols are being played?

All that to say, Toronto is a crazy place, which I completely love...and want to move to!

For those of you who've never heard the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, I strongly encourage you to look up some of their music, and if by any chance they hit a town near you, it's worth the money and time.

For those of you who remember the video with the house that had flashing Christmas lights to music that crossed the net last year, the music in it is the Tran-Siberian Orchestra.

Seriously, take a minute, visit their website, and hear some of their amazing music:

Trans-Siberian Orchestra Link

A sad day in my young life.

2006-11-29T09:16:00.000-05:00

I think I am getting sick. Yes, that is correct...sick. My throat is all scratchy this morning, and my eyes are almost lost behind the big blue bags underneath them. It's like slits of brown across my face. I feel tired...I want to crawl into my warm bed, with my feather duvet and just sleep for many days while eating toast with butter and sugar on top and drinking sprite (or whatever it is that you drink when you're sick).

On an exciting note...and don't let the bagged look fool you...I get to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tonight. I am told it is something you should not miss, and your life is incomplete without. I have to sadly admit I have never really even heard of them up until about a month ago. So, should be some good times happening in Toronto tonight. That's if my sick head doesn't fall off first, which would be kind of awkward, because it scares people when you sit beside them and hold your head up with your hands so your head can see the stage.

I have realized once again, that I am a very sarcastic person. Kevin used to tell me that I was the most sarcastic person he'd met. I think I've toned it down a bit over the years...with all my incredible maturity and stuff (lol)...but still...Mary is very sarcastic. Mary is also sick, and Mary wants to go home and sleep.

Apparently talking about yourself in third person means you are cocky...hmmm, apparently Mary is a sick cocky abouttoattendtheSiberianOrchestra girl.

Briliant Marketing

2006-11-28T22:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so studies show that our generation tends to be project orientated. One of the places we see this played out in, is donations and fund raising. That is why the Samaritan's Purse is such a great marketing strategy. What they do is send out their christmas magazine, and break down what things are worth. So, you can buy a goat for a family for $40, or you can build a school for children for $20,000, or equip a medical doctor for $175. Their marketing is brilliant, because they have realized that our generation is project orientated and have catered to that.

I mean, you can give them $40, and just put it in a pot...or you can buy a goat, that is going to give a family milk for up to 5 years.

Brilliant I tell you.

How can you be sad...

2006-11-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

When a song like this plays on your ipod:

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only meen heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.

I say a little prayer for you

I say a little prayer for you

My darling believe me, ( beleive me)
For me there is no one but you!
Please love me too (answer his pray)
And I'm in love with you (answer his pray)
Answer my prayer now babe (answer his pray)

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me (oooooooooh)

Followed by the Proclaimers "I Would Walk 500 Miles"

Totally Depressing...

2006-11-28T10:36:00.000-05:00

So, if you want to feel slightly depressed and overweight...this is what you do. Decide to look up your favourite fast food meal on your fast food place website, and find out how many calories you are consuming when you eat there. For me, my fast food place is Wendy's...I generally get the number one combo, and sometimes as of late the number two, I always drink it with a normal coke. I consume approximately 1,260-1,385 calories. The french fries alone are 560 calories. 560 calories, just for french fries.

I now feel fat and I want fries :)

For more depressing facts, visit your local fast food nutrition information:

Wendy's Nutrition Link

McDonalds Nutrition Link

Taco Bell Nutrition Link